A little bit miserable

[Tooodlepip]

Hi everyone

I just posting this more to get it out there but any advice I would love, actually be desperate for.

My newborn is 8 days old today, and we are breast feeding, in his terms, its going great, he has a good latch and has more or less fed really well since birth. He is content after feeds and for the past two nights is going 1 hour 1/2 between feeds and has slept this morning from 8 am and its now lunch time, he'll be up soon for another feed, early morning seems to be his sleeping time, then back to feeding every 2 hours during the day and after 11 at night every 1 1/2.

In relation to me, I am sore, :( was sobbing last night from exhaustion and my whole body just aches from tiredness. My nipples well my left one anyway still isn't fully healed and now I just feel dread when I have to feed on that side . I was thinking last night how bf has actually ruined or placed a cloud over my first week with my newborn but maybe I was just a bit down with it all last night or hit with baby blues :(

anyway, I don't have any intentions to stop feeding at the moment, I am hoping that this time next week, I'll be much happier, I know once it doesn't hurt so much I will be much better and feel much more positive even without the sleep .

Any other new mums out there feeling a bit miserable or finding it more challenging?

I'm really doing my best to stay positive it just hurts

[hillyhilly]

Use Lansinoh cream on your nipples it is wonder stuff. Also make sure that the latch is good every time so that you can heal, and above, be kind to yourself! You're doing really well and b'feeding gets easier and easier

[hazchem]

I don't think anything prepared me for how hard those first few days and weeks are. It's beyond exhausting. I hope you are getting lots of proper support- cups of tea, lunches made, cake, chocolate ect.

You said he has a good latch but you have a sore nipple? Have you had someone have a look at the latch as it should really be sore.

Breastfeeding and mothering do get easier.

Congratulations you have done something amazing. just take each day slowly and be gentle on yourself.

[thefudgeling]

Hi! I'm not a new mum anymore but I remember it well. My nipples were so sore at first as I didn't get the latch right until the damage had been done, but i can honestly say when it has healed up (it won't take long, are you using lansinoh?) it is so different and I have absolutely loved bfing my baby, it gets so much easier. You are doing brilliantly!

Are you getting some sleep in the day when the baby sleeps?

[dozensofpichu]

I'm not a new mum, DD is 16mo now, but just wanted to say you are doing a great job! The first few weeks were hard going for me too, but just have in your mind that it does get easier. I bf DD to a year, by which time it was easy and painless. By 6 weeks really everything is healed and you and DS will find it's just second nature. Just try to rest when he is sleeping, enjoy the newborn cuddles and eat biscuitswell. Good luck, keep up the good work!

[cleanandclothed]

It is so hard to start with! You sound really sensible and switched on about it though, and yes it gets better really quickly, but even a week is a long time when they are feeding 10 times a day, isn't it?


Re the soreness, is this post birth or breastfeeding related, or both? I found breastfeeding to be reasonably painful at first, but got better really quickly. I also learned to distinguish between 'bad pain' (pain that is a sign of something wrong) and pain that is v temporary and is just your breasts getting used to feeding.

The 'normal' sorts of pain which I felt were:
Engorgement pain (went within 2 weeks)
Let down pain (stopped being too painful within 3 weeks)
A toe curling pain at latching on, lasting about 30s, which gradually lasted shorter and shorter periods of time, and gone altogether about 4-5 weeks.

The 'there is a problem pain' were:
Bad latch - quite similar to the initial latch on pain, but lasting longer than 30s, and cured by re-latching. This was the worst because I hated re-latching, just in case it got worse or he didn't latch on easily, but I soon learned re-latching was worth it.
Mastitis - you can tell if this is a problem because the breast gets red and inflamed.

Am now 11 weeks in with DC2 and it all seems a reasonably distant memory. Hang on in there!

[JollyToddler]

It is a good idea to either eat or sleep in any spare moment you have. Bf involves 100s of calories worth of energy and can exhaust you if you don't eat enough. Do not worry about doing anything other than looking after baby and yourself. Everything else will wait :)

[peeriePistoriuslicker]

I'm on day 8 here too with DC3, DS1 :)
My nipples look like a dog has chewed them :( the MW is lovely and has seen him latch on repeatedly- she says we are doing everything right, but I've still had to express and bottle feed him for 2 days to give my poor nipples a break. (DS vomited up blood in his pram- my blood- and enough was enough!)
I had the same thing with the DDs too. Constant vigilance checking latch, reattaching, rechecking, and still I had/have bloody, cracking, ruined nipples. MW said they now think that skin type has a lot to do with it, ie I have rather thin and weedy skin!

[Tooodlepip]

thats must have been really scary peerie, mine did bleed a few days back and it freaked me out to see blood around ds mouth but thankfully they didn't bleed for long.

The midwife is coming on friday so I will get her to check my latch just in case. Its been slightly better today, my right side is nearly pain free to feed on but its my left side that is the problem. Its actually my left side were he would lose his latch more or I need to correct the latch, don't know what I am doing different between each side. My nipples look like they have been chewed on constantly its awful.

anyway thank you everyone for the support, I appreciate it, getting over these first couple of weeks with bf is like climbing a mountain or so it feels like it to me

[Tooodlepip]

clean and clothed, the pain is aching shoulders which I'm guessing is just general tiredness and I guess 'normal' nipple pain, from just starting feeding, I mean I don't suspect mastitis or anything :(

I suppose I'm just tired in general :( but like I said its been a bit better today :)

[MigGril]

peer really I think your midwife is showing poor training in breastfeeding, skin type has nothing too do with it.

It's all about latch and it's amazing how much damage even one bad feed can do. Really if it hurts then you need help with latch now, you don't need too wait until Friday you can ring you midwife right now and get a home visit today.

Or ring one of the breastfeeding helplines and they can talk you through positioning and attachment.

[Purplehonesty]

Also ask your mw for some jellonet, it's like gauze with super jelly like stuff on it and you cut squares out and stick them on your nipples I'm between feeds. It's a godsend and healed my nipples in a day. Keep it in the fridge.
I would say baby hasn't got enough if the breast in his mouth if they look chewed, wait til he opens his mouth wide and shove a load of boob in rather than just letting him suck on your nipple. That way his bottom lip/gum will be squeezing your boob not your nipple.
My latch was fixed by the mw on day 9 and she did just that; pushed a load more boob in than I had been doing and just like that the pain eased. I was crying with each feed before she did that :
Good luck and well done for persevering!

[Tooodlepip]

yeah I'll ask for the jellonet stuff, will try anything although I put some tommee tippee cooling pack things on them they were like jelly and out they stuck to them, and it said on the packet soothes cracked/sore nipples and prevents cracks, by how maybe by pulling of the entire nipple

I'm going to concentrate more on stuffing more boob into his mouth when I can, the only annoying thing is like tonight when I had to do a left side feed I had a lot of people in my living room, and it was like having two left hands trying to feed him under the poncho thing. I don't know why I felt obliged to stay covered up, and its so annoying because they get to see me struggle and its been a bit like that all week . Basically I have had to establish breastfeeding in public which doesn't make much of a pretty sight.

Now I am in for the gruelling night feeds where I'll be awake probably every hour and half and thats a huge improvement

thanks again for the support oh how was day 8 for you peerie, tomorrow is day 9 I actually can't believe it

[blushingmare]

Oh my goodness - please don't try to be breastfeeding whilst covering up at this stage! You are only 8 days into learning a challenging new skill - don't make it harder by trying to be modest! My dd is 14 weeks and I never got the hang of feeding under cover and now don't think twice about flashing my boobs to all and sundry. You need some peace and quiet and snuggly time with your newborn to work on the feeding together. It would be very easy to be getting the latch wrong if you're struggling under a poncho. Can your dp help with asking visitors etc to give you some privacy when you feed if you feel you need it. And don't be afraid to put a stop to the visitors all together for a bit if you need some time to sort your feeding out. Good luck - it does get so much better - I really struggled at the beginning, but love bf now.

[Tooodlepip]

yeah blushingmare I really need to do something re visitors because the worst part is when they see you struggling or you tell them that its a bit sore you get a "your doing it to yourself look" or a "well you chose to breastfeed" look its as though breastfeeding is the abnormal option round here, don't know if anyone will understand what I mean

[blushingmare]

Definitely find a way of getting rid of the visitors if that's their attitude - that's really not what you need right now. Can you dp move them on for you?

[Heydoodledandy]

Second Lanisoh, and making sure (even if it means breaking babies latch) that he is latching properly. With my first i was so desperate to make it work that i fed through pain and ended up with mastitis. You are doing an amazing job already, don't forget that. Breast feeding is not easy, it can be painful, but if you can work at it, it can bring both you and baby lots of benefits. But don't make youself unhappy over it - these early days are so tiring, emotionally and physically, your body has been to hell and back and now is expected to deliver more, give yourself a break. As far as visitors are concerned, when you need to feed, leave the room and make just say 'sorry but we're trying to get this BFing sorted' - people will understand, and if they don't they deserve to be made to understand!

[MigGril]

either throw the visitors out in a nice way. Our take your baby to bed and leave them chatting on there own they may get the hint that it's not the best time. Limit them to half an hour visits if possible.

You shouldn't have to deal with gourds of visitors with such at young baby. This time is about you bonding with your baby and learning to feed.

[YorkshireRose12]

HTH here too OP.

My DS is 6 weeks old today and we've had a really difficult time with BFing too, but it does get easier and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, finally!

Some great advice on here already, but to add my two penneth...

1. Some soreness when starting BFing is, I think, normal - your breasts are getting used to doing something they've never done before, and doing it pretty relentlessly too! However, any damage - cracking/bleeding - is not normal and is a sign something is wrong. This is usually caused by a bad latch and just one bad feed can unfortunately cause quite some damage. How long have your nipples been damaged for? Are they getting worse, staying the same or getting better? Are they still actively bleeding after a feed? If still bleeding, and if it's been a few days and they don't seem to be improving then you need to get your latch re-checked. Try to see a trained feeding advisor at your hospital or a trained BFing counsellor - look for BFing groups/baby cafes in your local area - IME they can give much better advice than your MW/HV. If they still say your latch is good, ask for your baby to be checked for tongue tie - this can cause hellish pain even if your latch looks good from the outside. If you look at my thread 'Tongue tie advice please' (sorry, don't know how to do links!) there's some fantastic advice on there and what to look out for as signs of a possible TT.
   

1. For healing, definitely use Lansinoh - expensive but worth it. If your nipples are cracked you need to get the Lansinoh right down into the crack to stop any of it from drying out. It doesn't need removing before feeding but do make sure you wipe any that has got onto your areola around your nipple as that can cause baby to slip and not get as good a latch. You can also use Multi Mam compresses for healing, I have found these to be very soothing for the huge open wound on my left nipple! You can get them at Boots and online - again, expensive but worth it.
   

1. Dealing with the pain - use painkillers if you need to. I am on a regular diet of Paracetamol and ibuprofen while I wait for my nipple to heal, which is taking time as it was cracked for 5 weeks before my DS's TT was sorted! Using painkillers might not be ideal and is not a permanent solution, but I took the view that it was better to help get me through than giving up BFing when I didn't want to.
   

1. Visitors - I have got my boobs out in front of people I'd never have dreamed I'd feel comfortable getting them out in front of before! It's really fine - particularly if it's in YOUR house! There are still people though who I don't feel comfortable feeding in front of, eg ILs, so I then just explain DS needs feeding and I'm going to take him upstairs to a quiet room to do so because he feeds better without any distractions. The worse thing you can be doing at this stage is getting more stressed and flustered about feeding when you need to be in as calm and relaxed an environment as possible, it just increases the risk of further damage and will dishearten you.
   

Sorry this post is so long, but I know how utterly miserable it can be to try and get BFing going when you're finding it tough - I have been that person sobbing on the edge of the bed in pain and frustration in the middle of the night and it's only sheer bloody-mindedness that has got me this far. BUT - with perseverance and if you seek and get the right help - it does get easier and you will start to see things improving. You are obviously very determined to make it work for you and your LO which is a great start - best of luck to you both!

[cleanandclothed]

Do you always feed sitting up? I find lying down is the position where my neck and shoulders are most relaxed - 2 pillows under my head, one at my back and one between my knees.

Definitely second what everyone says about visitors - do whatever YOU want - whether that is being 'indiscreet' in front of them, or going into the bedroom when you want to feed. Don't add trying to look good, or calm, or whatever to what is quite challenging enough!

[Tooodlepip]

Thank you so much for the advice, everyone, yorkshire that was really helpful as was everyones input. Last night it was still sore, I'm trying to use the lansinoh regularly but my left nipple still appears dry, I think its time to head of to the local breast feeding group, apparently there is one but to compensate he did go 3 hours between each feed

I never thought about painkillers because in my mind I kept thinking as it panadol will reach the tip of my nip so will give that a go today.

Thanks everyone again

[YorkshireRose12]

How are things going now Toodlepip? Hope it's improving for you!

[Tooodlepip]

Hi

It's 3:58 am yep I'm wide awake just done a feed and baby now grumbling in cot from wind I think he takes ages to get wind up (smile). Yorkshire I'm nearly pain free and i still can't believe that this time last week I was crying from the agony so I'm feeling positive thank you so much for asking. Lil man also sleeping longer too
Which makes a huge difference, it's been a journey but well worth it, I say journey because I know this isn't the end. Thank you everyone for the support for any new mums I'm on day 11 with my newborn it will get easier