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Other people making you feel bad for not breastfeeding?

(7 Posts)
findmeintheflowerbed Fri 21-Oct-11 18:18:46

I know there is another thread about guilt and giving up breast feeding on here already, so forgive me, but I wanted to know if anyone has been made to feel guilty by other people for giving up breastfeeding?

DS is 3 weeks old and is a big and hungry boy - currently feeding every 1.5/2 hours during the day, but will go maybe 3 hours at night. He is my second baby. I EBF DD for 12 weeks but to be honest I found it difficult and tiring and didn't enjoy it. She put on weight really slowly and I was relieved to switch to formula.

With DS I am miserable. BF is going really well physically - I mean he is piling on the weight and my boobs feel ok. I just am hating it.
I mentioned to DH that I wanted to start combination feeding, but I feel like I'll be letting him down...breast is best and all that. And his mum and my mum keep going on about how amazing my milk must be to make him grow so be honest I feel more guilty about letting them down than him.
God that sounds so stupid.

Can anyone relate?

ShowOfHands Fri 21-Oct-11 18:20:42

Nobody should ever make you feel guilty about your parenting choices.

Can you pinpoint why you dislike it so much?

findmeintheflowerbed Fri 21-Oct-11 18:41:35

I think it's partly that I want my body back, this time more than with DD because DD is only 19 months old and I feel like I've been pregnant for years because it wasn't a big gap.
Also I am finding it difficult to get out of the house because I never know when he'll need a feed, and DD is not adjusting very well to having a brother which adds to the stress.
I do find it difficult not knowing what's happening or having a routine.

ShowOfHands Fri 21-Oct-11 18:50:38

FF wouldn't guarantee a routine so it's important not to depend on that but it would mean other people could feed ds.

I understand wanting your body back. I was the same towards the end with dd. I felt like every part of me was in demand and got to the point where I couldn't bear for dh to touch me. I just bristled before each feed, thinking oh God please just stop touching me. DD was 3 though and I had fed her for the entire time, no formula. I had wanted to feed to natural term but weaned her consciously at that point. It almost turned my stomach if that makes sense. Looking back I was a bit depressed and a lot exhausted.

Do you want to stop? If you do then do it. Or would you like to try mix feeding? If you want to carry on, do you think expressing from 6 weeks and having a night off here and there would help? Whatever you want to do, it's your free choice and you deserve nothing but support. And MN could help with that, I'm positive.

3 weeks is hard. I have an older dd and a 6 week old ds. It's so so so relentless when they're this small. You're doing marvellously keeping up with a hungry boy. DS is the same. I don't know where one feed ends and another begins most of the time.

findmeintheflowerbed Fri 21-Oct-11 19:00:54

showofhands - thank you for that.
I think i'll give it another week or so and start combination feeding.
I expressed last time with DD, but I found it really painful and such a chore. I don't want to ruin this time when DS is so young by being miserable. I am so thrilled to have another little one and I don't want to muddy that feeling iyswim.

tiktok Fri 21-Oct-11 19:08:11

Away with the guilt!!

Is is not more that you are feeling sad that you cannot enjoy bf the way you want to enjoy bf? And feeling a bit awkward that you cannot respond with a warm glow of pleasure when your mum and MIL say nice things about it?

Would it help to talk to someone about your real feelings - I mean specifically the misery you mention. Feeling miserable is not right and it's horrible when you feel shit and have to pretend everything is wonderful.....breastfeeding can become a focus for these feelings, and switching to formula (or combination) may not really make a difference at all.

A good HV, a GP you trust, a friend who will listen and not just tell you how wonderful you are, a breastfeeding counsellor....there are different sources.

beckieperk Fri 21-Oct-11 19:20:53

I agree with showifhands. There are certain advantages to ff, but routine isn't necessarily one of them. I was the same as you had a big hungry boy and I was forever feeding him - hour or less mostly, a 2 hour gap was heaven! I presumed I wasn't providing enough milk to satisfy him, so after feeling exhausted, emotionally drained and bad advice I switched to ff after 3 weeks. BAD IDEA! for me anyway....he still fed as often on formula and now I had all the cleaning, sterilising and making bottles up too! DH could do some of the feeds to begin with to help out - but now(12 weeks) he will only take a feed from me! stop waffling beckie The point I am trying to make is dont change to ff just to make life easier as it doesn't always! OTOH if you feel you need to make the switch and feel it's right for you and your baby - do it! Don't be bullied into anything. Good luck whatever you decide. smile

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