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Only me!

(15 Posts)
beckieperk Thu 20-Oct-11 10:11:08

Hello everyone. Need some advice please if possible. My ds 3 months today (happy birthday to him!) is now fully ff :-( and I'm not sure why but all of a sudden he will only be fed by me. This was never an issue before with dh doing some of the evening/weekend feeds. This issue also extends to the fact that 95% of the time I'm the only one who can calm him, cuddle him or settle him. My dh works full time so I know it may be tricky but I need to try and get him to settle with him again as when I return to work (jan) he is going to have a much more active role in ds daily routine (dropping and picking up from childminder etc). Any advice on this would be great. Considering getting dh to wear my dressing gown (pink/red love hearts)?! Would this work?

beckieperk Thu 20-Oct-11 10:15:55

Also he is a very cuddly baby and during the day - when it's just me at home I find it very difficult to put him down (rocking chair, play gym, play nest, bouncy chair) for any length of time at all (10 mins at the very most) Will this pass - as I'm beat. Ds still waking twice nightly for feeds also - which I know is normal but tiring! Dh used to help at weekends, now no longer possible! sad

tiktok Thu 20-Oct-11 10:22:53

beckie - if you are ok with this, then why not just roll with it? Meeting his needs for you now will build his confidence and trust...trying to change his needs will make him sad and less likely to be adaptable in January.

You are talking about three months away. There is a huge developmental difference between a baby of three months and 6 mths. In fact, he will be twice as old as he is now smile

Maybe your dh can do something routinely with him when he (ds) is not in need of soothing and calming - maybe bath him, or dry him after his bath.

JiltedJohnsGhoulie Thu 20-Oct-11 10:29:49

beckie totally agree with tiktok January is a long time away and was going to suggest the same thing in getting DH to bath DS in the evening. If DS isn't keen then maybe you could do it together for a while?

If DS not wanting to be put down is a problem in the day, is he better if you are out? Do you go to any groups? Playgroups/aquatots/library sessions etc?

beckieperk Thu 20-Oct-11 10:31:16

Thanks tiktok. I thought as much....just needed to hear it I guess! Dh does bath him every night....and he loves it. But for cuddles, sleep or food it's only mummy. I'm fine with it to a certain extent just feel sorry for dh, df or mil who love him dearly and all he does most of the time is cry with them! I know I have time - just wondered if there was anything I could do to make things easier for everyone. Also he is going to his childminder one data week starting next month and if he's still like this it won't be enjoyable!! sad For anyone!

JiltedJohnsGhoulie Thu 20-Oct-11 10:45:19

Will he get any settling in sessions at the childminder before he starts for a whole day beckie?

beckieperk Thu 20-Oct-11 11:55:50

Sorry had to nip out. As we speak he is asleep in his pram.....may not last!! wink Anyway we have been to childminders a few times and he was fine...ish. However this has only just started to be this obvious recently. Might be worth trying again?! Might see if I can go on a day out with her and the other children before then.....not sure if she'd need permission from other patents etc?! I have considered it.
Dh is really patient with him but he just won't settle and I think he feels useless/rejected.sad

JiltedJohnsGhoulie Thu 20-Oct-11 12:00:50

Like tiktok says though beckie he is so little and will be twice as old by January.

It could be that he is clingy because he has started having settling in at the CMs or it could just be a phase. Whichever it is you are doing the right thing in responding to his needs.

DH is involved by doing the bath and so isn't totally rejected. DS will get bigger and the more you respond to his needs now the more secure he'll be later. You will probably be the one feeling left out when DS is bigger and discovers Football/Rugby/Cricket and gaming with Dad smile.

tiktok Thu 20-Oct-11 12:01:17

BP, if your ds is going through this stage, take it one step at a time. Don't push it with the childminder just yet, not while you struggle to have him settle with his dad.

Honestly, life is easier and happier if you deal with each stage as it comes, without thinking 'I have to get this sorted now' and overloading your little boy with changes and new situations.

You have bags of time.

You are worrying and affecting the lovely times you have with him, thinking he should be different and worrying that he isn't.

Spending time with your ds and with the CM, so you are with him, is a good idea as you say - maybe not a whole day, but just an hour or two, a few times before you return to work. Then leave him for a short time and build up to it.

But January is ages away in terms of his development smile

beckieperk Thu 20-Oct-11 14:12:25

I adore him and love our time together but I would like to be safe in the knowledge that if I had to leave him for a while (like 2 weeks ago when I went to see Alan Carr live - tickets bought ages ago!!) he would be happy and not cry himself to sleep through pure exhaustion!! sadsad

beckieperk Mon 24-Oct-11 10:54:09

Getting worse....now my ds will not stay in the bath with dh or if he does only for a minute or so. We have tried dh taking him for long walks....just the 2 of them and he enjoys that, think it's the handling/cuddling etc which he doesn't like. Anyone experienced this? I know it is probably a phase but would like to know how long it will last?!?! sad

readysteady Mon 24-Oct-11 10:59:10

what about your dh wearing a top/scarf that smells of you, is he any better if you are out of the room/go out for the evening maybe and leave him with dh? It may be that he knows you are there?

beckieperk Mon 24-Oct-11 17:07:55

Not tried the scented clothes yet but considered it! He's no different if I'm out the house....cried himself to sleep (hungry) the one night I did go out. sad

Mampig Mon 24-Oct-11 17:26:27

My ds went thru this at that age with dh, but it only lasted 2 weeks tops. I made sure that i was with ds and dh at the start and phased myself out. I'm still better at settling ds though, but he will settle for dh eventually - just takes longer and a little more screaming crying.

beckieperk Mon 24-Oct-11 17:34:02

Was hoping it was just a (quickly!?) passing phase....been around 3 weeks though already. Guess I'll just have to be patient and wait out. smile It's nice being wanted...but would be nice to see father/son bonding.....rather than ds crying and me getting stressed.

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