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11 week old not taking anything but boob I am desperte for help!

(33 Posts)
FrauHolle Wed 19-Oct-11 14:03:40

My LO refuses any kind of bottle, teat or dummy. I have tried all makes, MAM, Avent, NUK, Medela, silicone, latex...

Now it has gotten worse and she suckles all the bloody time. I am so sick of it, so frantic and frazzled. I have three under 3s and I am desperate to have some sort of life back and hand her to somebody to feed but I can't...ever.

3 different people tried to give her a bottle or dummy but she refuses. It's pumped breastmilk and the dummies have been near my skin to take my scent but she is adamant and spitting them out, gagging and retching.

Pls pls, I am desperate, can any of you share your tipps?

FrauHolle Wed 19-Oct-11 14:05:20

Meant to add she refuses to settle unless she is hanging on my boob and suckling herself to sleep. We co-sleep.

I have tried to see if she will settle after a few minutes of crying but I have always gone back in after max 5mins. I cannot bear her wailing. I can't to cry it out.

FrauHolle Wed 19-Oct-11 16:29:34

Anyone? I can't believe I am alone with this?
Please..

laptopwieldingharpy Wed 19-Oct-11 16:32:30

It must be a growth spurt?
Maybe leave it for a week or so and try again?
Sorry no miracle answer!
Good luck

FrumpyPumpy Wed 19-Oct-11 16:34:21

Not alone, no, but I don't have any advice... Desperate for tips mused for my 15wo dd. She can sleep without sucking, sometimes. Wish shed find her thumb though. I bought a breastflow bottle but no joy there either.

laptopwieldingharpy Wed 19-Oct-11 16:35:13

If you are intent on letting her cry it out, do it sooner rather than later. You already have 2dc so i guess you already know all that!

laptopwieldingharpy Wed 19-Oct-11 16:36:45

Swaddling maybe?
Someyimes they fuss when they are not snuggly against you....

Caz10 Wed 19-Oct-11 16:38:11

I've never got the hang of it, but loads of folk hear can feed with LO in a sling, is that an option? When dd2 got hand foot and mouth I used a sippy cup with bm in it, total faff but she did drink a lot, she was about 3mths then.

tiktok Wed 19-Oct-11 16:48:03

FrauHolle - I am going to suggest something that might go against the grain...sorry smile

How would it be if you accepted that this is what she is like at this time and this age, and accommodated it as best you can? Instead of struggling and fighting and trying dummies and teats, just feed her (in a sling when you need hands and arms free-ish) as she wants.

Her adamant refusal of anything/anyone else and her strong objections to other means of feeding are making things harder for you - and babies sometimes do this to make their point clear as clear. When their needs are met, their needs become less desperate and and they actually become less needy as they get older.

What do you think?

FrauHolle Wed 19-Oct-11 20:44:39

hello tiktok, I actually hoped you'd stop by. I highly valued your input 3 years ago with my first when breastfeeding was a new dimension smile

Somehow I knew this was going to be the answer. sigh... I mean she is so tiny yet so adamant. I don't want to force her and I can't do the crying it out thingy.

There is one issue that seems to have arisen from this constant latching and suckling though. Her poo has turned greenish on 3 occasions today and yesterday. I am worried this is a sign of too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk, due to her constant suckling.

I am also worried about having a glass of wine in the evening with my meal, yes, I am that selfish a cow but after the battle of tea time, bath and then bed for my kids I like to unwind with my husband. I have also had the occasional cigarette and though I made sure there was at least an hour before she came again there is no guarantee and I worry it will harm her drinking my milk.

My other 2 always see me feeding the baby, I cannot accompany my eldest to her swimming or go to the playground with my middle one because I am always holding my youngest. I feel like I can't please anyone and I am a horrible mother for wanting my life back (just a little bit) and enjoying all of my kids.

Deflatedballoonbelly Wed 19-Oct-11 20:47:25

I have just been through the same! My DS is now 17m and we have just ended feeding two months ago. Boy am I glad I stuck with it. It actually made life easier when I just thought 'fuck it' honest! grin

FrauHolle Wed 19-Oct-11 20:51:39

haha, you made me smile.

yes but what about the drinks (only wine or guiness) and the cigs (not more than 3 a day if any).

I love the closeness with her and how easy it is to roll over at night and feed her but I want to feel like an independent person again, not just a milk bank smile

prioneyes Wed 19-Oct-11 20:53:43

OK, I'll let tiktok come back to you on the greenish poo front - although it is reminiscent of a situation I have found myself in with both of mine in the early days, when they were in pain due to lactose overload, sucking for comfort and thereby perpetuating the problem - but I want to emphasise something in response to your last paragraph. This is temporary. This is short term. This is normal. None of these things make it any less hard, but don't let the overwhelmingness of it all cloud the bigger picture. Both of mine were bottle refusers and it was at times claustrophobic, exhausting and frustrating but it's genuinely a fleeting problem. In a few short months she'll take a cup.

prioneyes Wed 19-Oct-11 20:54:43

Also I went on to feed one for 2.4 years and the other is still a work in progress smile

OliviaTwist Wed 19-Oct-11 20:56:26

I am no expert, just a breastfeeder but my thoughts:

Poo:DS often has green poo. DD often had green poo. Meh. No biggie.

Constnat suckling would not mean too much foremilk? Surely then she would be getting whatever she needed?

Don't sweat the poo.

Drinking: Have the wine. Imagine how much alcohol there is in the wine. Then compare this to the volume of blood in your body (8 pints??) On one glass there is not a great deal in your blood. Milk is made from your blood as needed. As the alcohol leaves your body , it leaves your milk. One glass - enjoy. If you are sober enough to drive you should be ok.

Don't sweat the drink.

One cigarette? Not ideal, but still better than formula.

Don't sweat it - you are doing great. Do whatever you have to do.

THIS TOO WILL PASS.

In a few weeks you will look back and barely remember it.

Good luck xx

Deflatedballoonbelly Wed 19-Oct-11 20:56:29

I hated being a milk bank and now i would do anything to have it one more time sniff

Thats a sentence I never thought I would type! but... we all feel differently.

9 years ago when I had my DD thud I used the NUK teats, the orangey rubber ones, they were the only ones I could get near her, and cherry shaped soothers x (sorry, felt the need to leave you a little im not an internet weirdo kiss )

Booboostoo Wed 19-Oct-11 20:57:36

Give the sling a try. I had a couple of false starts but finally managed to get the hang of bfing in the sling and having your hands free makes a huge difference.

FrauHolle Wed 19-Oct-11 21:52:48

Thank you prioneyes, I didn't know half of that.

Olivia, I don't drink more than 200ml in the evening but I feel after being up from the crack of dawn I can sit down in the evening I deserve a small something. I only smoke when my husband leaves his cigarettes around but I feel guilty as hell, it's an old student addiction but never touched them in my pregnancies but it is so so hard to stop completely. I can only have one in the evening if any at all as my eldest has sharp eyes and a very sensitive nose... Thank you for your kind and honest words. I feel better already.

BooBoostoo, what kind of sling did you use? I have an ergo baby carrier but no sling... ?

Thank you Deflated, I really appreciate the kindness. Hugs back. I am not where you are..yet but I do love having a little rooting baby, it is a special feeling and they do grow up so so quickly anyway.

prioneyes Wed 19-Oct-11 22:02:38

Frau, you'd probably find a stretchy wrap sling such as a Moby or Kari Me best. smile

organiccarrotcake Wed 19-Oct-11 22:05:50

So sorry you're having such a tough time sad I wanted to say what Tiktok said already, but far more eloquently than I could smile

Looking for supportive strategies may be the way forward. Slings are fab - maybe look for your local Sling Meet if you're not already using one. Wine is fine - just enjoy a glass in the evening and as long as you're not "under the influence" when you go to bed you're fine.

The only thing I'd be a bit careful of is the smoking which is one of the real red flags for co-sleeping. In a sense it's perhaps worth considering which is the more useful strategy for helping you - smoking or co-sleeping as I honestly would not consider doing both, even if you only smoke, say, in the morning.

You ARE an independent person, but you do have a person who is dependent on you. For now. "Babies will wean, and someday they will sleep through the night. This high maintenance stage of nighttime parenting will pass. The time in your arms, at your breast, and in your bed is a relatively short while in the life of a baby, yet the memories of love and availability last forever." (Dr Sears)

You are not a milk bank, you are a supplier of love, and to your youngest you are a supplier of everything. She's not holding back telling you how much she needs you and just for the next few weeks, perhaps trying to work out how to focus on that will make life easier for you. For your older children a few weeks is far less important than to your youngest and when you get through them you can start to focus on everyone a bit more evenly.

You are clearly a lovely mum to be worried so much, so pull your shoulders back and try to think about all the good things you're doing. It's so hard being pulled from pillar to post, and feeling guilty that you're not doing the best for everyone, but in the end, each of your children will at some time need more focus than another time and it will be the turn of another child soon enough.

Elizabeth Pantley's no-cry sleep solution may be worth a read as she discusses strategies to help babies to learn to sleep without the boob in the mouth. The "Pantley Pull-Off" smile It can take a while but it can really help.

And just to underline the sling thing - if you've not looked into this I really, really recommend it. I used to walk around everywhere feeding in the sling, all the time. It was fine until people pulled it open to "take a look at the baby" without giving me fair notice grin. I have a photo of me weeding the garden with DS2 in a sling. I mean, I'd do EVERYTHING except cooking as I was worried about hot splashes. I am good with a back carry for a toddler but not a small baby, but with a back carry I could have done that, too, then pulled him back to the front and back on the boob. Job done.

organiccarrotcake Wed 19-Oct-11 22:18:36

X-post frau.

On the smoking thing, if your DH smokes that's a bigger consideration for co-sleeping. It's just something to consider, sorry sad

I personally couldn't feed in a moby/Kari-me. I used a really well fitting pouch when he was really small and a ring sling when he was a bit bigger (4 months I think) and I carried on feeding him on the go in the ring sling until he was well over 1. Less discreet then though!

Others fine a stretchy wrap a breeze to feed in. Certainly they're wonderful for a baby who wants to be carried a lot. I had all three of these (plus others) as some were better than others in different circumstances, but then I've been given quite a few by friends, and spent more on the ones I've bought than on my whole buggy system (although admittedly we only spent £45 on this at a NCT Nearly New Sale!!).

This is where sling meets are great as you can try different ones - and just as importantly get them fitted properly.

FessaEst Wed 19-Oct-11 22:29:56

This too shall pass.

Seriously, do everything you can to make your peace with it mentally, and just go with the flow. I had the same issues with DD1, and nearly drove myself, DH and anyone who would listen mad with faffing about with expressing, sterilising, trying to get her to go longer etc etc. I felt so trapped at times. But, when I look back at that time, I just feel regret that I wasted so much energy stressing about something I couldn't change, and that was over in a matter of weeks.

DD2 is now similar (13 weeks), if not worse (DD1 slept in a cot, DD2 sleeps on top of me!) but I feel so much better, less tired etc as I am just accepting it.

Work on using a sling and try and crack feeding in it. I can mostly carry on as normal for DD1 and meet DD2's incessant feeding demands. Today, DD1 (20 months) and I have made cakes, done the housework, made dinner, been to the library etc whilst DD2 feeds and sleeps with minimal input from me!

I have had an occasional drink both times, and all has been well. I don't know enough about the effects of cigarettes to advise, but haven't heard much about not smoking when breastfeeding? (Did you give up when pregnant, do you want to give up now, could this be your motivation).

Both DDs have had poo of all colours. DD1 did turn out to have a CMP problem, but DD2 has so far intermittent green eposodes that resolve. I think it is fairly normal and nothing to do with suckling too much.

I know it's hard, but it will end, and you are doing amazingly. Good luck.

organiccarrotcake Wed 19-Oct-11 22:44:26

fessa while of course smoking is always a risk for yourself and your baby, it's always more of a risk to FF then BF as a smoker. There's no reason not to BF as a smoker.

It's co-sleeping with a smoker that's a known risk and while I'm passionate about co-sleeping where it's right for the family, it is one of the risk factors that is not insignificant.

Lucyannieamy Wed 19-Oct-11 22:50:02

I 2nd the sling, invest some time learning to tie a wrap, I used Victoria slinglady. At 3 months I bf at summer festivals, couldn't have done it without the sling. If you have older kids consider it a must have.

FessaEst Wed 19-Oct-11 23:24:27

Sorry, I typed so slowly I missed your most recent post! Busy feeding...grin

I use a Moby wrap, and couldn't be without it now. I bought another wrap fromVictoria sling lady, but don't fine it as good for feeding as the fabric is slightly narrower so not quite as much head support.

Thanks organic re smoking

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