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Wobbling-bf dc number three and finding it tough

(17 Posts)
Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 19:12:42

The actual feeding is fine-plenty of milk, a baby growing well and sleeping well. But finding everything so hard to juggle and starting to find feeding late in afternoon when everyone together really hard. Can't trouble shoot or spend proper time with other two. Remind me-this isn't to do with breast feeding is it? It's just hard to juggle three little ones? Dd2 is three months old.

thisisyesterday Mon 17-Oct-11 19:15:04

no, it's hard however you feed them.
i know with breastfeeding only you can do the feeding, but realistically would that be different with bottle feeding?
you'd still be doing the feeding PLUS sterilising, preparing bottles, comforting screaming baby while bottle cools down etc etc

if you tell us a bit more about what is happening at that difficult time then maybe some of us have some top tips to get through it!?

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 19:29:11

Well, everyone's tired. Today we had pretty disastrous playdate and dd 2 needed feeding at the point where dd1 was refusing to share her "special" things (ie all her things), ds was also being locked out of dd's room. Dinner not an issue-make sure it's in the oven or ready to go in oven before school pick up. Feel no one gets what they need, although baby does best!

misspollysdolly Mon 17-Oct-11 20:03:48

Hi sleep, my DD2 - who is DC
Number 4 - is only 11 days old but I saw your post and just wanted to send a solidarity text wink - I've had a day a where I've felt much as you've described and DH is still on paternity leave - ooh heck! I just feel like we successfully got through the day with DH doing the driving etc (am post c-section) and I managed to put a fairly passable dinner together, and saw the midwife and asthma nurse at the surgery, but I feel like we only just got through the day without the finest of fine balances being totally scuppered and me/us all feeling completely overwhelmed. I just have to keep remembering that I've added a small person to the family mix twice before and that it does eventually work itself out. Eventually DD2 will sleep more at night (and in her cot, not my bed angry) and we will be less tired. Eventually it will be me doing the school and playgroup runs and DD2 will just gave to fit into the shape of the day. And eventually the other children will settle down and the weirdness novelty of having a new little one will just feel normal. My mantra at the moment is a combination of 'This too will pass' and 'be kind to yourself' smile - hope this will work for you too. You are not alone. MPD

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 20:13:33

Hi MPD, congratulations! It's all so finely balanced isn't it? Dh keeps reminding me dd2 is still very little and is kind enough to say he thinks I might be doing too much. I kind of have a three months rule whereby it should be getting easier now-but it all seems harder! But I may have underestimated the value of a baby arriving in July and dh being a teacher! Always jokingly said wait and see me in October just before half term when people were either asking how it was going or saying we were doing well! I just feel the other two have regressed behaviour wise and I can't give them the tine they need to get back on track.
You sound as if you're doing really well, paternity leave or no paternity leave. And c section too? Hats off.

icravecheese Mon 17-Oct-11 20:22:27

Big sympathy hug to you...am day 10 with baby no.3. She's actually behaving like an angel at the mo, but I know thats unlikely to last! I too am wondering how on earth I'm going to fit feeds in around school& nursery run (am post c section so DH currently doing it). My older 2 seem to spend all afternoon bickering whilst I sit on sofa nursing baby. All my girlfriends want to arrange play dates with us but I'vedeclined so far cos the thought of any more bickering kids in the house gives me a headache! Can't offer any helpful advice, but I dofeel your pain, plus all that washing / sterilising / prepping bottles would just be a nightmare if you weren't bf!

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 20:25:01

And dd2 is too young to hold her own bottle! All children now sleeping. Must go and set up for tomorrow. And check that it's not go to school dressed as a hamster day or something!

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 20:29:28

If it's any help I have only had to do one feed on school run (at school not in transit!) and bizarrely the school/preschool run is the most straightforward bit of my day. Limited interaction between ds and dd1 and between dd1 and rest of world at that point helps!

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 20:30:12

And congrats icravecheese! smile

BertieBotts Mon 17-Oct-11 20:32:02

Is the 3 month thing because that was when things seemed more stable with DC2?

If so, don't be so hard on yourself! Every baby is going to be different, and it must be a completely different dynamic with two older ones who wind each other up, than with one older one who can be pacified with activities you can do or supervise one-handed.

Do the older two go to nursery/school at all? Could DH do any more to help out in the evenings - do the checking for school events, sort lunches, plan dinners/write shopping lists etc. The thinking parts are the most exhausting, I think. Also, have you tried a sling for the baby?

BertieBotts Mon 17-Oct-11 20:33:16

Oh crossposted there - is it possible some of the unsettledness of children is due to starting back at school & nursery? DS has been majorly tired and acting up the last week or two and he only goes to a childminder while I'm at uni part time, but it's been earlier starts than he's used to.

Zipitydooda Mon 17-Oct-11 20:50:45

Hi Sleep,
Another note of solidarity here. My DS3 is 4 months and I am really struggling, I have found it much harder to go from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2 was.
I think at the beginning, everyone is understanding of you with a new baby and people kept telling me how well I was managing but I have run out of steam now.
DS1 is having behavioural issues at school which he has never had before. DS2 is very angry with me and having tantrums a lot, they both bicker constantly and I blame myself and my selfishness in having another baby.
I have been thinking of stopping BF for a while for the reasons you point out; to DS1 and 2 it probably looks like I am always looking after the baby and ignoring them. I need them to dress themselves in the morning as I am feeding, I make breakfast then they often eat alone as the baby didn't get enough milk and is still hungry and I can't feed him sitting at the table with them. Then after school, I am feeding again. DS3 is not in a good routine as I am always taking him out to nursery and school pickups and after school activities and he ends up overtired and grouchy by tea time and I have to carry him around all the time.

DH is very understanding and says I am trying to be supermum when I don't need to be but he works hard and is out the house 7-7 and abroad often and I want to be there for him and have dinner for him which I rarely do.

I have just found out that I have thyroid issues and my consultant advised me that BF was putting extra strain on me and my body and kind of gave me the green light I needed to stop. So I am cutting down on the BF, it won't fix everything by any means but I can feed DS3 a bottle easily at the table with the boys, I can be more physically present for them and hopefully DS3 will be a bit more settled. I will have given him nearly 5 months of BF and I am proud of myself for managing that as I have found it so hard going.

I am in no way advising you to stop, I'm sure many people do manage to carry on for longer and I know I will be sad to stop and get fed up with sterilising etc.
Tell yourself you are doing a great job and doing the best for your children that you can. They will be so lucky in the future to have 2 siblings and they won't hold the lack of attention against you, it's just hard on you at the moment. I'm sure my life will not get miraculously easier by stopping BF now but it feels like the right thing for me and I am happy with my decision.

Zipitydooda Mon 17-Oct-11 20:56:39

Gosh that was long! Sorry!

schmee Mon 17-Oct-11 21:01:25

oooh - that late afternoon is a bugger isn't it? My DC3 is three months and has delightfully started to bite during the homework/tea/afterschool meltdown time.

And like you we're getting to the stage where we are starting to host playdates again. I'm only doing them when the mums come too at the moment. Then the baby gets passed backwards and forwards between me and the other mum while we try to deal with the kids. I think this helps.

I've also realised that the boys really enjoy sitting watching telly with me while I feed. They see it as family time. In my ideal world our family time would be building woodland dens or doing fun projects on China, but I figure a couple of months of serious Royle Family style telly won't kill them and may just save our sanity.

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 17-Oct-11 21:49:20

Once again, I love mumsnet! Congrats to everyone holding it together with little ones, one, two, three, four or even more. I just know i'm not the only one now. The pass the baby at playdates sounds so familiar. And the feeling guilty about making dcs lives difficult with a new one-even though they don't seem cross with her. And the idyllic den making thing-sp relate to that. And they really just want telly-I think they can have a bit more for a while. Just had a lovely text from a friend who I saw today suggesting might be being a teensy bit hard on myself. I think the three month thing is because lots of people suggest you're well into the swing of things then, where for me the novelty wears off a bit and the excitement of the newborn time goes away. So I feel a bit flat in addition to being tired. Maybe dc do too? So I'm going to have hot choc and get ready for tomorrow. Anyone fancy joining me for an update tomorrow
?

Zipitydooda Mon 17-Oct-11 22:01:53

Yes! This post is making me feel better too.

schmee Mon 17-Oct-11 22:11:58

absolutely - enjoy your hot chocolate!

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