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Your experiences with the Gordon Nightweaning thingy?

(16 Posts)
blackcurrants Tue 20-Sep-11 23:30:10

DS is 14 months old and eats solids pretty well, though we've recently seen four new teeth at once and frankly it's all gone a bit to shit. I've been bfing since the beginning thanks to the help on here, but now I want more sleep - I work ft and getting up 3 or 4 times a night is impossible.

He sleeps in a separate room now, in a cot, but the room has a single mattress on the floor, and what I've been doing is lifting him out of the cot, lying down to feed him on the mattress, then when he's dozy or actually asleep, popping him back in the cot and coming back to bed.

The last few nights he has been waking at 4am and NOT settling, wanting to loll and doze while on the breast, and generally being a kicky squirmy toothscrapey octopus like monster who has been driving me demented! We are conscious of teething pain and are giving him calpol but ARGH I NEED MORE SLEEP!

I know he doesn't 'need' a feed at 14 months and he's just used to it, I also know he goes down for naps just fine at nursery without a boob in sight (so to speak) ... so has anyone done the Dr Jay Gordon nightweaning? Does it work?

My worries are that me going in and feeding him but then putting him down awake will just result in him thrashing and clinging to me and pulling himself up to stand, and then yelling. That's what has happened so far, anyway. . . has anyone got any tips?

Sorry for long post - feeling at the end of my tether! Thanks for reading all this!

AngelDog Tue 20-Sep-11 23:36:33

How are his naps? Is he on 2 naps and needing to move to 1 so waking at night to compensate?

OTOH DS always does this when teething (doing it now at 20 months with the 2 year old molars) but it always stops again.

I've not tried the Jay Gordon method as we co-sleep so feeding is always the easiest option.

blackcurrants Tue 20-Sep-11 23:40:00

thanks for responding! He's just moved to 1 nap in the last month, and is solidly getting 2-3 hours between 11 and 3. It's brilliant smile

Oddly, I don't mind getting up, quick feed, and back to sleep. It's this 4am thing where if I don't stay with him, touching him ALL THE TIME he won't settle that is driving me to tears. About four months ago it was one feed, at 2am, and I could absolutely handle that. I only really want to nightwean cos I need more kip!

blackcurrants Tue 20-Sep-11 23:41:00

It could still be the teeth, I suppose. I don't want to not respond if he really needs me, that's the thing. But at some point my need (for sleep, to be able to work, put food on table, etc) has to be met too! argh, maybe I should wait it out...


AngelDog Tue 20-Sep-11 23:51:48

Ah, if he's been on one nap for a few weeks and this has only started recently, it's unlikely to be overtiredness from the nap transition.

Was he born early or late?

There is a developmental leap at 55 weeks, which often leads to Wide Awakeness in the small hours but that should probably be over by now unless he was born very early.

It's possible that he's working on another piece of development eg language, movement, which could be causing it.

When DS is teething he is usually Wide Awake - when his canines came through we had a fortnight of being up for 2 hours starting between about 2 & 4am. hmm

Now with the molars coming he wakes up and takes an hour to an hour and a half to settle, although for most of that time he's bf'ing and almost asleep rather than up & wanting to play.

Those wakings usually disappear on their own.

My instinct is that night weaning is unlikely to improve this kind of waking, although it may help the normal frequent wakings. If you can, I'd wait to see if the 4am one calms down and then think about night weaning. OTOH if you're desperate, you could give it a go and then throw in the towel if it's not working.

blackcurrants Wed 21-Sep-11 00:56:00

Yeah, I see your thinking their. We're basically co-sleeping after 4am, as it's preferable to no sleep at all, though it's not restful for me (or surely him?)... but I could do a few more days and see. He's just gone to bed (7.30 here) and wouldn't do his usual feed-to-sleep, but kept pulling off to mutter and occasionally yell. I suspect it's his teeth but he can't have any more drugs for a while, so I really don't know what to do.

I hate feeling like this. Feeling like I'm barely coping. Tonight I've had food thrown at me, smeared onto a clean pile of clothing, vomit on the carpet and the dog, and then he wouldn't sit down in the bath....
I know it's not personal and he's not doing it at me, but I do feel like that sometimes. I've never smacked and I don't intend to, but I can see the frustration within me that probably, in some women, leads to them snapping.

Argh. that made me sound awful! Sorry. I hate feeling like such a bad parent- like, you know, a good, sorted mother would have a nice calm supper and a lovely bathtime and then not have to physically restrain their child long enough to get them into PJs.... usually the bit where I BF him to sleep is the peaceful cuddly bit. Not at the moment- he's up there roaring and I'm down here feeling shaky and tearful cos I have no idea how to cope....

blackcurrants Wed 21-Sep-11 00:56:42

you're thinking there ... oh god see? I'm THAT tired.

blackcurrants Wed 21-Sep-11 12:39:04

Huh - I read the last section of "The Wonder Weeks" and ... yeah, that's him at the moment. I sent DH in last night and, while he was a bit cross for a few minutes, he went back to sleep while DH was cuddling him. It's physical contact he wants at the moment, not necessarily BF....

Which means at least we can tag-team the cosleeping and I will get half a night's sleep! (neither of us are natural co-sleepers, I hate being touched when I want to sleep... oh dear). But it also makes me feel better about all this wondering if I 'should' let him cry or change things up or whatever. The fact is it won't work if what he needs at the moment is to be cuddled all night long. It's a bugger, but there it is...

Thanks for your input. I think I'm going to tough it out till the end of this week and then have a look at the situation from there.

organiccarrotcake Wed 21-Sep-11 13:32:27

Ahh, that's exactly what I was going to suggest. Very much just personal experience but mine (same age) is very similar when things are going on - for him it's just learning to walk = a week or so of night waking/needing closeness.

We've found that if I'm around he'll hang off the boob despite really not "needing" the milk. But, if DH is there he'll settle much quicker (unless he REALLY wants milk and that's pretty obvious as he just doesn't settle within 3-4 minutes). It means that we can share the nights nicely. Bub always sleeps in our bed, and Hub and I usually both sleep there too, but if one of the other needs more sleep we just disappear to the spare room. Sounds like you're looking at a variation of this.

AngelDog Wed 21-Sep-11 22:35:32

Yes, it does sound like classic Wonder Weeks stuff.

That's good that he'll be happy with your DH cuddling. My DH has only dealt with one night waking since DS was born (!) so I've had to deal with all the developmental stuff - but I'm a SAHM so it's much easier.

I know what you mean about feeling you can't cope though. I had that with bf on Monday. I slip into the mindset of thinking that feeding a toddler is a lovely way to calm them down, get them to sleep and tend to their needs (which it is). But it was harder to remember when in a crowd of 40 people some of whom have made comments to me about it being unusual to bf for so long and DS was continuously screaming "Milk! Nooooooow!" at the the top of his voice (and then refusing to actually take any when I sat down an offered). hmm

Hope your DS calms down soon and that you find the patience to get through till then. smile

blackcurrants Thu 22-Sep-11 01:40:04

oh AngelDog that does sound hard!
Thanks both for your input.
I think some of the issue is that my supply is dropping a bit now we're only feeding two, max three times a day. So sometimes in the night he was getting cross cos things were a bit slow, even though he wasn't actually hungry. . . He hasn't worked out his new teeth yet, and I am soooo sore! But hey, tonight could be the night he feels less clingy! fingers crossed things sort out soon.

goodname Thu 22-Sep-11 13:41:21

Blackcurrants I have no advice sadly but wanted to let you know I am in exactly the same position with my 16 month old (really hoping its just teeth and will pass) with the added complication of being 8 weeks pregnant. He starts the night in his own bed although not happily but always ends up in ours at some point (10:00ish last night!). Am actually thinking of giving in and getting an extra bed to join on to ours so we all have some more room although DS would still just roll so close to me I would be hanging out of the bed. A couple of nights ago he refuse to sleep unless his head was on top of my head AHHHH!
He also hates getting his PJs on and his nappy changed and will not get in the bath at all just now. Have resorted to chasing him around with soap and water. Feel so far away from the life I imagined before he was born, also seem quite far away from the happy baby (altho still terrible sleeper) he was a month ago.

Sorry angeldog couldn't help but laugh at your post,can just imagine that

blackcurrants Thu 22-Sep-11 14:13:42

"A couple of nights ago he refuse to sleep unless his head was on top of my head AHHHH! "

okay that made me snigger - thank you for the grin! I think DS had better not learn any new tricks! Last night DS (who has a cough, poor love) actually sicked up a bit of milk during a big coughing spat, ONTO my breast (he was feeding) and while I was still lying in the dark thinking "was he sick?... wait..." he LATCHED BACK ON and kept going.

ugh ugh arghh ugh. This is not the motherhood in the catalogues! I'm often chasing a naked bottom around the flat while waving a clean nappy, pathetically. Oh, and the high chair is now evil, food must be in bite sized portions and offered while he runs past. . . What has happened to my sunny natured little boy?!

DH did until 3.30 last night and I did until 7. I actually managed to persuade him that he could sleep against me with me clutching his bum (patting has always calmed him) rather than him need to nurse all the time. This means I got a bit of sleep... sorta. I hope like hell it passes soon, but at the moment we're just keeping our sense of humour about it and remembering it's relatively normal. And lots and lots of brew!

AngelDog Thu 22-Sep-11 22:24:04

Ugh, my sympathies, ladies on the misery. Developmental stuff is so tiresome, both day and night.

The developmental leaps are at 65 and 74 weeks IIRC, so in theory that's when things should calm down a bit.

DS has had about a million feeds today, sometimes with a whole 3 minutes between finishing one feed and asking for another. hmm We were mostly at home though which was a relief. I don't mind being feeding him in public - I like the idea of normalising toddler bf and in theory I don't mind doing it - but I often feel like we're not a very good advertisement for it.

Roll on the end of teething and more sleeping calmness...

blackcurrants Fri 23-Sep-11 13:56:36

he only woke twice last night! Well, at 11.30 and 3.30, so I suppose the 11.30 one shouldn't count but I'd been in bed since 9.30...

[saddo emoticon needed]

AND the best part is that he went back to sleep after a (prolonged, wriggly) bf each time. interestingly I have to get him OFF the boob and sort of onto his tum before he'll actually properly nod off, it's like he's compelled to feed if he can feel a nipple - but still - result! I got to spend most of the night in my own bed! As did DH! Whooo!

Let's hope the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train smile

AngelDog Fri 23-Sep-11 15:16:13

Woo hoo! grin

Hope he repeats it tonight.

My DS does something like that when he's teething - he keeps on and on feeding but doesn't go to sleep. Sometimes I remember to ask him if he wants rocking instead, he says yes and is often fast asleep within about 10 seconds. confused

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