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Finding b/f so hard :(

(45 Posts)
Sargesaweyes Thu 15-Sep-11 08:13:43

D/s is 17days old and all of a sudden I am really doubting myself regarding everything. He is feeding all the time and last night he woke up every 45mins-1hr. When he feeds he never feeds for that long- in the day he is fairly content but at night he ends up pulling my nipple and crying. If I stop to burp him he won't go back on and sobs. sad

I am really starting to feel low now and a week ago I was very positive about it. I have a b/f support worker who is on holiday but will be round next week. There is also a b/f group I was going to attend today but feel like I will just cry if I go and make an arse of myself.

Sorry for the rant- this is my first baby.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 15-Sep-11 08:18:13

Aww, you poor thing. It's hard at that age - the euphoria's worn off a bit but you're still exhausted and your boobs hurt!

It sounds like he's having a bit of a growth spurt - at this really early stage, sometimes you just get a hellish 24 hour period of constant feeding. And I actually have a feeling 17 days is one of them (day 2, day 6, day 17ish?) and then it settles back down.

You're not doing anything wrong at all, it's just the grind. Tiny babies feed all the time, wake up all the time, and generally are hard hard hard. But then it gets easier, and then it's sooooo much easier you just won't believe it.

And breastfeeding groups are for going and sobbing at when you have a 17 day old, I promise. In the meantime, eat chocolate and lie down a lot.

Sargesaweyes Thu 15-Sep-11 08:19:13

Sorry I haven't asked anything- is this a normal way to feel? Should I express to try and get some sleep? F/f is even looking appealing so I'm not always the one who's dinner is cold/ can't go anywhere/ can't get a few hours sleep. I sound so selfish which isn't usually like me. Any thoughts would be great.

belgo Thu 15-Sep-11 08:23:42

Sorry to hear this. It is more or less normal to have days like these - you are exhausted from giving birth, no sleep, your hormones are all over the place.

If you can, go to the support group, and cry if you need to.

Cyclebump Thu 15-Sep-11 08:23:52

That's how I felt when i hit the slump a couple of weeks after birth. And you're nit selfish, my DS is five months now and every so often I still get filled with rage because it feels so unfair that I'm tethered to the baby while DP can do stuff alone.

It does get better though. The turning point for me was the first few smiles and now the giggles. The beginning is tough because there's no interaction, once DS started smiling and I knew he was happy at least some of the time I felt far more in control.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 15-Sep-11 08:24:30

You don't sound selfish, sleep is a pretty basic human need! (Although you wouldn't know it from the behaviour of a newborn). You could try and express, but not everyone manages it this early. Are you comfortable trying to co-sleep at all? I found that taking the baby into bed and feeding it lying down was the only way to cope, really. And mine napped better if I napped with her, which was a bonus.

belgo Thu 15-Sep-11 08:25:40

'I'm not always the one who's dinner is cold' - smile sorry to tell you this but my children are now 7,5 and 2 and I still have many days when my food gets cold because of some crisis or another with the children!

shuckleberryfinn Thu 15-Sep-11 08:25:41

aw hinny. It's ok. It is pretty normal, you can express if you want but really the best option is to feed feed feed. Cold dinners, cold tea, yup, we've all been there but it does pass. Go to group. Cry, we've all done it and I'm sure they'll be a great help to you.

Sargesaweyes Thu 15-Sep-11 08:26:22

Thanks for quick reply smile crossed post as I am on phone and takes forever. I am worried that I will make myself low and whereas last week I was really enjoying being a mum now I feel like I'm letting him down by being down about it. Everyone keeps saying he will be able to tell if I'm upset and fed up which will make him niggle more and then I feel more guilty. I really thought i would be a natural as being a mum is all I ever wanted. It does just feel hard at the moment.

belgo Thu 15-Sep-11 08:30:15

'Everyone keeps saying he will be able to tell if I'm upset and fed up which will make him niggle more and then I feel more guilty.'

that's rubbish. You are still a good mum even if you feel upset and tired.

If I were you (and I have been you, with three babies), I would climb into bed with the baby next to me (and a supply of biscuits the other side) and stay there the whole day and rest and feed and do nothing else.

mamsnet Thu 15-Sep-11 08:30:44

I agree with all the pps. I also have a theory that nature, in her wisdom, makes babies smile just in time.. before their poor mothers are ready to throw in the towel!! You're probably only two or three weeks away from those wonderful first smiles..
GO to the BF group. Come on here. Do whatever you need to see that where you are right now is normal and speak to people who have come through it.. you'll even speak to people who are still stuck on the bits that you have already mastered (milk coming in, latch etc) and you'll see how much you've achieved.
One very small thing, don't get hung up on stopping baby to burp him at night.. if he's feeding quite well and not gulping bf babies don't need all that burping that a ff baby needs.
Good luck.. You probably won't believe this but I am very jealous of where you are now, my baby is at school.
<sobs>

Queenkong Thu 15-Sep-11 08:32:17

Poor you. Go back to bed for the day with baby, a box set of something trashy (may I suggest greys anatomy) and some sweets. I cry regularly at my bf group, from their large stash of tissues I'd say that it's totally expected! They are really helpful, even if you just go there for a bit of a moan/cry it's very cathartic to be around people who just understand completely what you're going through.

You're doing a wonderful job, hang in there because it will get better. I never believed people when they said that to me either, but my DS is now 13 weeks and I spent the whole day in London shopping yesterday. He fed twice and was good as gold. I wouldn't have believed that would be possible on day 17. But it's true!

All of those lovely pregnancy hormones are going away. You've had 17 days of sleep deprivation, your baby is on a growth spurt and constantly at your boob.

Oh yes its normal to feel down. When dd was going through a growth spurt I palmed DS onto family for the day and spent the whole day doing nothing but snuggling up and feeding her and me. (With a large tube of Lansinoh to combat the soreness.) I also went to my local bf group (half dressed and leaky boobed) who were lovely and supportive too.

It will get better, but I can remember how hard it was at the beginning and you have all my sympathy.

Sargesaweyes Thu 15-Sep-11 08:42:32

Thanks for all the posts. I just feel a bit isolated at the moment. My circle of friends all f/f or only b/f for a very short time so they don't really understand when I tell them how much I am feeding. This is why I need to go to the group! Am pulling myself together as I type-although a whole day in bed sounds good tomorrow. Regarding co-sleeping I don't really know that much about it. I did fall asleep with him the other day and the poor little chap was soaked in my bloody milk!

pinkgirlythoughts Thu 15-Sep-11 08:42:34

I was where you are completely at 2 weeks- I regularly spent the day while DP was at work just sitting on the sofa, feeding and sobbing. But he's four months now, and it does get better!

Go to the breastfeeding group, definitely! I wasn't sure about going at first, in case I cried, but it was actually the most positive I'd felt about feeding him since he'd been born. He actually slept all the way through my first meeting, but it just felt so good to speak to other people in the same situation!

mamsnet Thu 15-Sep-11 08:46:05

Report back later and tell us about the BF group smile

For feeding lying down, no harm putting a towel under you both to stop all that milk! You obviously don't have any supply problems anyway! You're going to be fine!!

coccyx Thu 15-Sep-11 08:46:43

You will hopefully find a lot of support at the group.

Grumpla Thu 15-Sep-11 08:49:56

Oh sweetheart. I remember that feeling so well!

Go to the support group and have a good old cry. I have never been to one where there wasn't at least two women (one of them me!) in floods of tears. It's practically mandatory.

If you can express easily, there's nothing wrong with giving it a go, but the reason your DS is feeding so often is to stimulate your milk supply. It won't last forever (it just feels that way!)

If you are really reaching the end of your tether then try and get an hours sleep in the day when there is someone else to cuddle him or take him for a walk. Have a bath and wash your hair. Make sure you are eating enough.

You will get through this pet it doesn't last forever!

Mampig Thu 15-Sep-11 08:58:58

It truly does get a lot easier!! I was like you at your stage- one day confident and the next was like hell!! Even had to take him to a wedding which I was dreading!! But guess what- by that time - 8 weeks he was brilliant!!! I couldn't have been prouder of him and everyone remarked how content and happy he was grin. At 17 days I was ready to give up! So please just hang in there- once it's gone it's very hard to get back if at allsmile take care and keep us posted!!

bonkers20 Thu 15-Sep-11 09:01:42

"Everyone keeps saying he will be able to tell if I'm upset and fed up".

Hmmmm, time to find some more supportive friends. Of course your baby can't tell at this age. OK, maybe if you had long term depression it would be a consideration, but it's perfectly OK and normal to feel as you do. You are a human!

Plenty of adults can't tell when someone is upset and fed up so I hardly think your 17 day old baby is going to hold it against you!

Please go to the support group. Promise?

Learning to feed lying down saved my life!

You and your wee baba are learning about each other right now. Some get it from day 1, some take months and months, but most fumble around for a few weeks, swinging between happiness and sadness - thinking it's the best thing that's ever happened and then wondering why on earth they did it in the first place! Then it slowly all comes together and you realise you CAN do it. Hoorah!

bonkers20 Thu 15-Sep-11 09:03:35

Oh, I spent as much time as I could watching True Moves on Sky at that stage. Something I've never done before and will never do again! Do it!

Moulesfrites Thu 15-Sep-11 09:04:01

Go to the group. It gets easier, but the support from bf groups and mums in similar positions was what got me through. You're doing great.

hazchem Thu 15-Sep-11 10:42:07

the other posters have given some great advice.

i wanted to point you to this ad for breast feeding produced by the Canadians.
Learning Makes it natural
the longer you breast feed the easier it gets.
Try to be kind to yourself.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 15-Sep-11 10:56:32

"I just feel a bit isolated at the moment. My circle of friends all f/f or only b/f for a very short time so they don't really understand when I tell them how much I am feeding. This is why I need to go to the group!"

Exactly! I could have written this post 7 years ago with DS, he was a constant feeder and going along to the baby cafe and also our local NCT group saved my sanity.

There is some info on asksears about co-sleeping. I'm looking for the WHO guidelines but can't find the link at the moment. Is there a handout in the pack you were given at the hospital? Will keep looking for you though.

Like others have said, go to the group and don't worry one bit if you cry. Ask them to check your latch and hopefully they will watch you do a feed. Spend the rest of the day in bed with LO and it will get better, I promise.

Junebugjr Thu 15-Sep-11 11:15:33

totally normal for a 2 week old- unfortunately!

DD2 was like this for the first 4/5 weeks, and then bf settled down into separate 'feeds'. before then it just felt like one long feed from birth.
Even though i was not keen on co sleeping it saved my sanity, we dont co sleep now though, so dont listen to all the 'rod' crap, in the early days you do what needs to be done in order to get through it, they soon settle down.

When DD2 was your lo age, bf seemed to take over my life and mental space, it was on my mind all day, and a bad feed would automatically make me think 'stuff this im going onto the bottle'.

Luckily I didnt, and at 4 months old DD2 feeds are now spaced out and she sleeps well at night. Go to bed for a couple of days and sleep and eat chocolate, you wont get the opportunity with your second lo! grin

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