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breastfeeding envy

(7 Posts)
missmouseflaps Tue 30-Aug-11 21:21:09

Hi, I have a 2 year old and when she was born found it very difficult to breastfeed for a number of reasons, so decided to express, which lasted about 6 weeks, then went onto formula. My daughter is a beautiful. healthy little girl, but still to this day I get upset about not breastfeeding. I get jealous of breastfeeding mums around me and feel like a failure. I feel like I am alone in this one.....help me shed the guilt!

mollycuddles Tue 30-Aug-11 21:26:14

So sorry you feel like that. I couldn't feed ds and felt such a failure. He's now 13 and as tall as me and perfectly healthy. I fed his 2 sisters but nobody could tell which of my kids bf and which didn't. Every drop of breast milk is worth something so remember that you did brilliantly to express for 6 weeks. Don't let it poison here and now. Try to let it go because very soon your dd will be nearly as tall as you and grunting at you at best.

kd73 Tue 30-Aug-11 21:34:38

Sounds like you have a lovely healthy little girl, so you have done everything right. We can all look at choices, we have made in the past and regret what we have done. We can reflect on how we can have improved our lives, but we make the best choices we can at the time we make them. It doesn't sound like she has suffered, you just made a choice to ff and therefore she hasn't starved.

You need to accept the decision you have made, but if you choose to have more children think about how you will feed and if you wish to try again, getting support is the key. Is there a feeding group locally?

As a bf mum, my choice of feeding is continuously under scrutiny and it goes to show that whatever choices we make others will judge us whichever way we decide to go.

missmouseflaps Tue 30-Aug-11 21:35:31

thank you....most days its ok, and i know I should be happy to have a healthy child, but my partner is on the phone to his friend who has just had a baby, and is congratulating him on how well the baby is feeding on the boob and I am upset....why cant I be happy for them. PND?

NoNoNoMYDoIt Tue 30-Aug-11 21:38:01

OP - do you have any other symptoms of depression?

i, too, 'failed' to feed my 2 - even though i expressed exclusively for DS until he was 12 months and DD (who had hideous reflux and vomited every feed) until she was 5 months. i couldn't take any more expressing with her as her reflux was so bad and she HATED feeding, so i resented every drop of breast milk i expressed her as i was then having to battle her to take any (and the HV was on my case about her non-existent weight gain).

i also had PND both times.

it's not impossible that you are depressed, but how long have you felt that bad?

thisisyesterday Tue 30-Aug-11 21:44:59

aww missmouseflaps. i know how you feel. i really do
i had a similar experience with my first child, although in our case I did manage to get him to breastfeed for a few months before we finally gave up as it was so difficult.

i then found it really, really hard being near people who were breastfeeding,. I was just so jealous of them and so envious and it made me feel shit cos they could do it and i couldn't... couldn't do the most basic thing... feed my baby.

but you know time heals. I've since had 2 other babies and have breastfed both of them and during that time i've felt immensely guilty at giving them something that my first didn't have, but it's also helped heal some of those wounds and it's made me realise how nice breastfeeding can be as well.

nowadays I still feel bad about not feeding ds1 for longer, but this manifests itself more as anger at the lack of support I got, and a desire to help other people in the same situation. When ds3 goes to nursery next year I intend to complete my BFC training and try and make sure other women don't have the same experience I did

The thing to remember is that we can't turn back the clock. You made decisions at the time that you felt were the best thing for you and your baby... no-one can ask for more than that. You did what you needed to do and it's all ok now.
Your baby got a lot more breastmilk than many, many babies and you should feel proud of that. every feed counts

missmouseflaps Tue 30-Aug-11 21:45:31

thank you. I recognised the PND when she was about 4 months old. I thought I had dealt with it, but I suppose it is something that will always be there.

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