Help! Tandem feeding fears.

[loopyloo82]

Hi everyone

I have not been on mumsnet for ages as life has been pretty hectic, but I am having a crisis of confidence and this was the first place I thought of to vent!

I am expecting 2nd dc at end of September and have a 2.1yo dd who is still nursing very determinedly.
I have cut back her feeds, night-weaning her in early pregnancy and cutting out daytime feeds / feeds out of the home except in cases of illness, bumps etc, and she is happy with this and rarely asks to nurse except at alloted times i.e. morning and evening (or late afternoon, whenever witching hour starts!). But the idea of total weaning seems pretty much impossible!

I have not enjoyed nursing during pregnancy (no pain- just makes me feel so annoyed and short-tempered and I have a tendency to snap at her, especially when she fusses and keeps changing sides). I had thought we would probably wean during pregnancy but it just hasn't happened, and now it's too late.

So... I basically went to sleep in tears last night worrying about my beautiful dd and how she's going to cope with this new arrival. How will she react when the baby feeds in the daytime / nighttime and she's not allowed? - I really don't want to go backwards here. She still sleeps most of the night with us - how will this work with a newborn in there too? I realise there are no 'answers' to these questions, just getting it all out really. Basically, I'm scared and cross with myself for not being more pro-active on the weaning front. I have been to LLL meetings and founfd them so so helpful, but have had to sell my car now on maternity leave and so it will be much more difficult to get to them from now on.

Sorry for super-long post, thanks to anyone who's read this far. I feel better just for writing it.

[EauRouge]

Hello loopy, I was wondering how you were doing.

Don't worry, I went through exactly the same thing (including a massive "I am ruining DD1's life" tearful meltdown )

The best advice I can give you is to just play it by ear and see how you do. I had no clue what I was doing when DD2 arrived so I just muddled along and found something that worked for us (things that are working for us- co-sleeping all in one bed, one on each side; giving up on the night weaning; learning to feed in a sling; CBeebies ) 6 months later and things are all going really well, tandem feeding is working fantastically and the girls are crazy about each other.

I think this stage is really tough because you've got all the worries of how a new baby is going to fit in on top of all the tandem feeding worries. It can be done! Sometimes it's tough, most of the time it's brilliant. Seeing them hold hands as they nurse together will make it all worth it

[loopyloo82]

Thanks for such a quick reply, eaurouge - that was the kind of reply I was hoping for, realistic but comforting. I'm glad you're all doing well and you must be doing a great job.
I am super-excited too, just sometimes worrying gets a bit much!

Thank you

[MoonFaceMamaaaaargh]

hi loopy.

My ds is 18m, still bf quite a bit and dc2 is due thirtieth* sept. Lately i find ds's bf more annoying...he's going through a sleep regression, is rough, and i'm sore.

Aside from sleep, i think bf might be easier when dc2 arrives and i have more milk as i think this is part of the problem.

I have no intention of night weaning as i'm lazy ds isn't ready. I plan on trying to cosleep with both dc's...having previously been reassured that it is possible by eau rouge ...but this may change!

Maybe we can hold each others hand a bit?

There is a bf while pg thread...i'll bump it incase you want to pop in...

*pg brain spelling block on this one and my phone seems to have something against the zero button.

[TheRealMBJ]

Hi loopy



We do have a BF while pregnant thread here and we welcome new members (although it tends to just be Moon and I moaning ) we wuld love to have someone else to share our doubts and fears with.

I have a 20 month old DS and DD is due on the 18/10 (although I think she'll be early, like her brother)

I too am very, very scared of how things are going to pan out once new baby arrives as DS is still a very clingy, attached to the hip little boy and spends the majority of the night sleeping right on top of my head.

Feeds see-saw between being no problem and intensely irritating and I have been known to snap at him which makes me feel incredibly guilty. I have borrowed 'Mothering your nursing toddler' from our support group library and am really looking forward to reading it.

I would also really appreciate some support on here as I don't know any RL tandem feeders.

[mawbroon]

I agree entirely with EauRouge. You just need to do what you need to do to get through it. Go with the flow.

I'm not going to pretend that it's easy. I had some pretty negative feelings about it all. I resented ds1 for ruining the precious newborn time, and I resented ds2 for spoiling the lovely relationship that ds1 and I had built up.

And fast forward a bit, it's all worked out fine. Oh, and we all slept in the one bed too, me in the middle.

Can anyone from LLL give you a lift?