Could really do with advice, supply issues, lack of bf support from DH and dropping a feed in 14wk old

[inatrance]

Hi would really appreciate some help with this as I have got a few issues going on at the mo. DS is bf but from about 4 weeks has had one bottle of formula a day, given by dh in the middle of night around 2-3am, as I was losing the plot from no sleep. This helped me at the time and DS did seem to sleep better so has worked ok for a while.

After a particularly hard day about a few weeks ago I was persuaded by DH to give DS another top up bottle of formula at his midnight/1am feed (when I'm usually still up) after both breasts, to see if this helped him settle better. DS guzzled both breasts then 6-7oz on top, which I was a bit about as this seemed to back up dh's argument that DS wasn't settling because he needed more milk as he then slept longer.

I am actually a bit annoyed with DH as I'm not feeling that he is very supportive of me breast feeding, he is also desperate to wean DS and seems to see formula as better for DS as 'he is a hungry baby'. He does feed frequently, but I know that is entirely normal and am fine about it. The problem being that he has slept better since we introduced the formula, so I feel that has inadvertently 'proved' to DH that the formula is better than breast milk and is what DS needs.

But the problem now is that DS has started settling at 9-10.30pm with just boob, so that 'last top up' is given by me when he wakes around 2-3am and then it takes me forever to feed him both boobs plus a bottle and I'm finding I'm up for nearly an hour. DH then feeds him another 6-7oz of formula at around 6-7am.

I'm going to carry on doing the middle of the night feed, so I want to drop that bottle feed at 2-3am and just bf but I don't know how to do it as at the moment he has both boobs then gets quite agitated and won't latch on at all, then is fine once he's had a bottle and goes back to sleep.

The other issue is that DH has been popping over to see his mum with DS at the weekends so I get to catch up on sleep while ds sees his gm. I have been trying to express enough so he only needs my milk, but this weekend I hadn't got enough, so DH took formula. I usually last feed DS at around 9am, then DH gets back with him at 3pm. I pump at about 1pm after my snooze then feed DS as soon as he is back.

I am concerned that this is affecting my supply, as I also went back to work at the weekend (I'm self employed) so as well as the morning, I was away for about 2 1/2 hours Sat eve and 4 hours on Sunday and DH gave DS formula while I was away. When I got back Saturday night DS was really fussing at the breast and refusing point blank to latch on and I got really upset. I went and calmed down for 5 mins while dh soothed DS and when I came back I said to DH that I thought we needed to decrease the amount of formula, and he got annoyed and had a go at me as he thinks the opposite!

I was really upset as he said that he thinks it's my ego getting in the way and that it's just so I can say to people that I breast fed till 6 months as some sort of ego boost!! (ha he has no idea I plan feeding till at least toddler hood!)

So, several issues. Any help with any of them would be gratefully received. Thanks!

[tiktok]

Really difficult situation, inatrance :( :(

Your dh has to back off, and if he does not understand how bf works and how all that formula - and your baby is having a lot of formula by my calculations - is likely to remove your choice to breastfeed, he needs to understand that this is important for you, not as an ego boost (how insulting that is :( ) but as a choice to use your body and your ability to nourish for the health of your child.

He doesn't have to agree about the importance of bf, but he needs to accept its importance to you.

I think it is highly likely your supply is being affected now, and yes, decreasing the formula is the only way it can be turned round.

He may be in league with his mother - not fair :(

[Mampig]

Sorry you're having such a hard time. I too found lack of support and heard " he needs a bottle" I found that once I actually explained to dh how bf works- supply and demand etc , and also moaning to him about OTHER peoples lack of support, and explaining the benefits of bm as opposed to ff, he became a lot more supportive. My ds was over 9 lb at birth, lost weight and failed to gain at 2 weighins and this was hard to explain as dh was albeit quietly concerned. So I fed at every opportunity- even if ds not hungry, got my milk up and at next weigh- in he had put on 7 oz. So I suppose what I'm saying is to put dc on as much as you can, express more frequently at work and explain the details to dh and he might get more supportive. Bf can be a hard road, even harder if you are alone . My dh just didn't have a clue about bf- he thought it was like a tap you turn on and off, and always there if it's used up or not!! Good luck- let us know how you get on - hugs to you xo

[inatrance]

Thank you for the replies. We did co sleep to start off with, but ds is in the Moses basket now which I prefer as I wasn't sleeping properly and was waking up achey. Now I'm finding I can't drop off in the night with him, though we do snooze together for a bit before we get up.

I am planning on putting dh straight about his lack of support tonight as well, I had spoke to him about his attitude towards bf but I think he needs reminding.

I plan on expressing a couple of times a day as well as putting ds to the breast as much as I can over the next week. Hopefully that will work to build my supply up so when he's away from me he can have ebm. I can't pump when working but am unlikely to be away more than 4-5 hrs, will I be able to carry on bf if I do this?

With regards to getting rid of the 2-3am bottle how do I go about doing this? Do I need to reduce the amount in it gradually?

Thanks again.

[Mampig]

Well done on sounding a lot more positive about things. I can't advise on the night feed as I can't imagine being able to do this without co-sleeping? Are you positioning yourself well for co- sleeping? ie. Just your head on the pillow and your shoulders on the mattress?? It means dc is half way down the bed for feeding but it works for us! The thought of getting up now to feed even makes me tired!! This is coming from me- who always bottle fed my 3 other children after bf didn't work out! This time it is and one of the biggest perks is not having to eaten fully for the night feed! Sorry I'm not much use, but maybe re-think co-sleeping?? Good luck

[Mampig]

That should be " waken" fully