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Thought I had a better attitude

(6 Posts)
DarkRedSky Fri 29-Jul-11 22:09:57

Our family has welcomed a new baby recently and I am struggling with my unexpressed poor attitude to the new baby being formula on.

I have never have and I will never say what I feel as it is hurtful to my extended family and especially to the new mother. However the family were very unsupported of me breastfeeding my babies and were very direct and opinionated in their objections...this hurt me a lot.

Of course it is nothing to do with me, how the new baby is fed and he is so loved and will be fine long term. But I am still projecting the bad feelings I was exposed to and I see how this young new mother would have zero support to breastfeed even if she wanted to and that hurts.

I am surprised I have such a poor attitude to this situation, I guess I look at how I managed to feed my own children and I am sad that this child and mother will miss out of the joy I had. But why do I care, they don't. I need to keep quiet and enjoy the new baby in our family.

Flame away I deserve it.

flowerfairy Fri 29-Jul-11 23:06:10

I feel for you greatly.
HAve discussed this with a work colleague who has a friend who is going to formula feed and has had arguments with colleague. Colleague has mainly tried to point out what she will miss out.
It's also made me just ponder my own family situation. If my bil and girlfriend ever get round to having babies i can't imagine his girlfriend bfing and my mil being all thrilled as it means she will be able to ffed from the outset. Whereas i have bfed both chidlren, ds til 6months and dd now 22 wks and refuses a bottle so feeding is solely down to me. MIL not overly supportive of bfing as she never had the opportunity and just doesn't get it.
I think we just have to accept that each and evvery mother does what they think is right for their child.
DarkRedSkyIs it anger or jealousy do you think that is bothering you? Or more that you wish you could support the new mum in her feeding?

DarkRedSky Fri 29-Jul-11 23:20:48

Definitely wanting to support the new mum. I feel she has NO choice as our family is so negative regarding breastfeeding, yet I can see the benefits everyday in my baby.
I am also sad the baby will not be offered the breast ever, which upsets me as I see how much our baby needs the comfort. There again I see that this new baby will gain a new mum with zero hangups regarding feeding and that must be a big advantage too.

duvet Sat 30-Jul-11 21:34:02

Only to say I have had the exact same feelings you are experiencing.... DarkRedSky. Difficult isnt it.

harverina Sun 31-Jul-11 02:56:52

I understand your feelings, I find it really sad when I hear about a baby that has never breastfed.

theborrower Sun 31-Jul-11 19:11:03

Are you so sure that she wants to / wanted to BF before the negative comments started? Was she well informed / is she informed about BFing (the goodness, how to do it, how to deal with problems etc)?

If the answer is Yes to both, and she feels that she can't because of lack of support - then, yes, feel sad that she is unsupported.

If the answer is No - she doesn't want to - and No, she wasn't well informed, well - feel sad that she wasn't given the appropriate info, and that may have affected her decision.

If the answer is No, she doesn't want to, but was well informed about BF, then leave it that. She's made her decision, and it's her baby. Don't feel sorry for either of them. They'll be fine.

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