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7 month dopey Breastfed need to wean NOW due to op for Tumor I'm v upset

(19 Posts)
Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 05:15:26

my 7 month old is fantastic feeder. Never taken a bottle, won't take sippy cup but will sip a little water from normal cup. I've tried him on nanny goat formula hardly takes anything underrstandably. I don't pump generally as it's too exhausting I'm am VERY run down. On Monday the lump in my neck turned out to be a benign (THANK GOD) cyst. Emergency biop MRI and I was very distressed az not prepared and was warned off bf for 24 which I couldn't do as my son cannot sleep without a bf and we co sleep as I had a c section and suffer from chronic insomnia Sharing a room as in a 1 bed so u can see the complications.
I'm thinking I will express as much as possible when I have energy and start to add this to formula maybe freeze some but I have no idea what the he'll I'm going to do as son will not sleep without feed and right now it's 4.45 and he wakes me and cries unless he gets bf. Won't settle unless he's in solids a good eater but when I 1st weaned him we had to go hospital as he didn't poo 19 days he was absolutely fine smiling and happy but had to have A suppository as I was beside myself with yet more stress but he is fine now but that's why goat milk formula and no cow as I have intolorences a d think he may have sensitivity too. Obviously I am very exhausted. I have no family nearby and no help generally. His dad is here but we sleep seperaty as he works and he can't be woken all night . WHAT the hell am I gonna do. I'll be on morfine and in desperate need of rest which I haven't had in 8 months. I used to take sleep meds but I've been very strict to abstain from everything throughout my pregnancy and bfing. I haven't seen my friends because I've been so I'll tired and exhausted. Not had one night off since he was born. Aware this will cause A LOT OF STRESS I need to avoid but can't . I'm in bits at least I don't have cancer THANK GOD. I need tips on how the he'll to wean. How much milk he needs and I NEED Sensitive and supportive comments please NO JUDGEMENTS. I have a connective tissue disorder too to top this off. I'm just so run down I've been in a terrible state but my son is very healthy and happy. Crawling. 2 teeth top 71 pctle. He's great. It's me who is in bits. Thanks.

Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 05:21:45

STUPID iPhone spelt dopey instead of solely Breastfed on topic header. How the hell do I change it?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 28-Jul-11 05:22:04

No judgement, but I'm confused. You need to wean because you're having surgery to remove the cyst and will be on morphine, is that right? For how long? Do you need to wean permanently, or just get over a few days? Do you want to keep co-sleeping or are you hoping to wean and move him into another room at the same time (whereever it is that your partner currently sleeps)?

As for the rest of it, it strikes me that if you're this exhausted, haven't seen any friends for months because of fatigue, have a connective tissue disorder and are so unhappy, then you need help from your partner. You need some decent sleep to recover from the operation, and "he works" is just not enough of an excuse. Presumably he doesn't work 7 days a week?

Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 05:41:45

Thanks for response but Forget it about my partner. He's just not available in that way. He had a breakdown after our son was born. Part of the problem. Ok not getting into it but his family have offered help after surgery but they live far away. Which means me and baby moving there for a week. Not my choice. I dont want to leave home but my mother ill and will come for 1 nt only. Partner defensive gets pissed off baby won't take assurance from him AT ALL if he wakes at night prob cos he doesn't smell of milk. I think Ill be on meds for 2 weeks. I love b fing but ive deteriorated badly and need my health back. I don't think I'll be able to offer breast at all for at least a week. Don't know..going hospital today to get results and plan of action. My partner not in a great space suggestions he should do more upsetting as have been under enoumous emotional strain and well aware he is not doing enough but it's not helpful to me to lament and rage It just upsets me. I need to work out how to wean my son quickly. X

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 28-Jul-11 05:48:17

Oh you poor thing. You sound so tired and so desperate, how awful for you to not have a partner who sees parenting as an equal job. I see what you mean about not lamenting, you just need to get on with it, but huge sympathy here.

Anyway. So you need to be able to feed no breastmilk for a week. Do you want to continue breastfeeding after that? Sorry for all the questions, I'm not at all trying to push you one way or the other, but it changes the answer, whether you actually want/need to wean completely or not!

If your partner won't help, I do think that either going to your in-laws or getting them to come to yours (and he can go to theirs to free up the bed) will be a good idea, because if you're on morphine you're absolutely going to need someone to help with lifting/carrying the baby, and self-care tasks, for a few days.

Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 05:59:22

Thanks tortoise xxxx
I'm sounding confused about giving up because I am confused. I want to stop to get my life back but I'll be very upset to stop and so will my boy but I think it might be more confusing to him for mento stop then start. I mean he gets my breat reaches over when I'm asleep and stuffs it in his mouth! He's very sure about where the comfort and food comes from. There is no other bed here just a futon in the front room on the floor where partner has been for 7 months ( understandably I cant cope with more than my son around me) there is no spare room as I was thinking maybe I should get a travel cot and put baba in there with him a few nights before op and try to get dad to five him a bottle? Cup? Don't know as he won't take bloody bottle thinking should I get special bottle? Anyone? Anyone had to wean a non bottle baby? His crying is goin to wake me and distress me anyway and I will be worried partner can't do it or cope..... God help me

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 28-Jul-11 06:05:23

I never weaned onto formula, but when we did wean overnight (by which I mean, goat's milk in a bottle, not breastmilk, at around 15 months? She was starting to sleep through by then but not consistently) we only did so by having DH do the night feeds for a little bit. There was no way that DD was accepting a bottle from me. I smelt like milk, and yet wasn't offering it up, come ON woman not acceptable. Etc. And yes there was crying and it woke me, but it was short-term.

But in your case, I think that if you wean onto formula and don't go hardcore with night weaning altogether, you'll just be making more trouble for yourself. Instead of co-sleeping and sleepy lying down feeds you'll be heating up bottles and sterilising. The only way it'd give you your life back is if you combined it with night weaning, and frankly that probably means CC. If you're at the point where that sounds brilliant if it means you get some sleep, go for it! But I don't think just going from breast to formula will give you the change you need, is what I'm saying.

As for non-bottle, others may have more experience than me on this one, but I do know several of my friends went straight to sippy cups because their babies just wouldn't accept bottles at all.

Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 06:13:30

Sorry I'm not au fait with the lingo! What is cc?? I deffo will need to give up night feeds as it will confuse him and I won't be able to anyway but how the hell do I comfort him with a cup? It's not about the milk even at night I think it's more comfort. I put him in cot after he falls asleep at 6.45 but he wakes at 10 crying and that's when I'm exhausted and feed him in bed then we fall asleep. He then wakes anything from 3 -4-5-7 . Do I have to sterilise sippy cup? Should I make formula bottles up b 4 bed? Can you reheat formula pre prepped in sterilised bottle? Jesus I'm freaked out thinking about this

Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 06:16:03

Btw I'm talking goat milk formula

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 28-Jul-11 06:24:36

Sorry, controlled crying. To eliminate the night wakings/feeds. Because I think that switching to formula will just mean you get him waking as often, but the feeding will be more complicated because of the preparation.

My understanding is that you can't reheat formula, but I don't really know about formula. I'm sure that it doesn't make a difference if it's goat or cow, though, in terms of preparation/safety.

Don't freak out! I'm hoping someone who knows about formula will come along!

Overtiredmama Thu 28-Jul-11 06:38:27

Thank you for Yr advice. I feel very alone right now. Going to try and rest a bit xxx

Justtrying Thu 28-Jul-11 08:54:21

overtired hugs and support, don't know anything about weaning yet as my DD is only 9 weeks old but i do formula feed. Despite the guidelines i make up all my bottles for the day in the morning, cool quickly in cold water then store at back of the fridge and use as required. My dd will drink formula straight from the fridge or at room temp. But if needed you could heat in warm water just before use. At night i keep a bottle next to the bed in an insulated bottle bag. I do this to make life a bit easier as all the feeds are my responsibility, my DH also works and needs his sleep hmm. I don't know if this will help but i know how being soooo tired feels. Look after yourself and dc, and be kind to yourself you're doing a great job. x

Blindcavesalamander Thu 28-Jul-11 09:06:00

Dear OP'
My sympathies to you.
Her is a link I think will help you. It's for 'La Leche League' where you will get supportive breastfeeding advise. You pronounce it 'La Lay Chay'. Go to 'Telephone help line' on the left and you will get a number to ring. I was a devoted breast feeder but found them extremely helpful and understanding if I had a problem.
Hope they give you the advise you need. They have a lot of experience.

Blindcavesalamander Thu 28-Jul-11 09:08:45

Oops I forgot to tick the link converter, here it is
Hope that's better.

MigGril Thu 28-Jul-11 14:53:14

I'm slightly confussed as to why you need to wean at all? You certainly don't for the geberal anatetic or for the pain killers as morphine is given after c-section

And if you have no support then bottle feeding is just going to make things harded for you.

You maynot be keen but the suggestion of staying with some one post op to give you help, is a good idea espically if your partner is so unsupportive. You need help and support. If you can't get this from family then looking else where for this volantry orginisations, childrens centre (provid some at home support) is maybe what you need to be looking for.

Hope you get the help you need.

EmmaTheFox Thu 28-Jul-11 15:48:59

La Leche League are fab - really is worth calling them, and if they don't answer, keep trying!

Sorry you are in this situation.

Overtiredmama Fri 29-Jul-11 06:31:46

The reason I need to wean is I will be seperated from my baby for 48 hours with a drain in my neck and then on meds for a week after. I have no idea how to do this it just gets worse and worse. How the hell is my partner going to cope with a baby that screams for me only- he has changed about 6 nappies at night in 7 months- and wants a breast not a bottle. La keche league are all right but really my experiance is it's woman who are well with supportive partners who arnt all living in a tiny one bed who give out the advice. Sorry but it's true. My big issue is rest afterwards. How the he'll am I going to get better without sleep and a wound in my neck. Feel like giving up. Stupid breast feeding advice woman told me on phone it would be more upsetting to me than my son to give up bfeeding. Well actually me disappearing for 48 hours -his sole carer-not being able to feed will be pretty upsetting to him I imagine too. Jesus.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Fri 29-Jul-11 06:38:51

Well, she might be right, though. I mean, yes, it'll be upsetting to your son, because he won't be used to it, but babies are resilient and if your partner steps up to the plate and is loving and caring with him, your son will be fine. It might be a struggle the first day, I'm not doubting it, but many have done it and come through it.

The only issue with weaning to me is, do you want to use expressed milk/formula for that period, or do you want to take the opportunity to move to formula generally? If the former, and I think that's actually what you want to do, then you'll need to express. Which yes, still means giving him a bottle, but isn't 'weaning'.

The issue isn't the weaning to a different substance. The issue is that you've been coping all alone for seven months, feel like there's no help, and that your son is entirely dependent on you and nobody else can now help. That's why I keep talking about the weaning issue. I think it's a red herring.

How does your partner see coping for the 48 hours in hospital part?

hillyhilly Fri 29-Jul-11 06:52:44

Have you tried surestart or homestart (not sure if they're different) they may be able to offer some help and support.
I know it may be different but my friend had a cyst in her neck removed, she pumped and dumped (ie threw away the breast milk) for 24 hours after the anaesthetic but was able to resume feeding thereafter. Do you have a date for the op yet? you sound so stressed, my heart goes out to you. Perhaps the time to take action, such as beginning night weaning by getting your son into his own bed, is now, before the op, so that you can be a little more rested and less stressed. As he is 7 months, it will not be dangerous to night wean him, he could go that long without a feed but is not used to it, he is using you for comfort as you say. Perhaps if you can come up with a plan - either controlled crying or reducing feeds by one minute a time or only offering water, you may feel a little more in control.
Please ask surestart, your doctor, helath visitor, anyone you can get help from, there is help out there and I think you need the support to aid your recovery.

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