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someone help me.i can't stand much more of this.

(64 Posts)
TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 09:18:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan Tue 26-Jul-11 09:30:29

Have you tried a nursing necklace or special toy to occupy his hands? Other than that I think you're doing the right thing in stopping the feed - leave a good break before you resume again, preferably with another activity in between.

musttidyupmusttidyup Tue 26-Jul-11 09:32:04

Do you want to pack in feeding?

TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 09:33:27

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TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 09:35:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mittens?

RitaMorgan Tue 26-Jul-11 09:36:26

At bedtime I just said that's it and handed him over to his dad to put to bed, but he didn't feed to sleep. Unfortunately ds did get wise to this after a while though and only bit me (he's a biter more than anything) once he was pretty much done anyway hmm

It did work eventually - he still bites me just not during feeds grin

QueenOfFeckingEverything Tue 26-Jul-11 09:38:12

tsc - full sympathy as my ds does this too, tho not quite to the same extent - he only does it at the start of feeds now

nusing necklace was no good, he just clutched it in his hand and banged it on me hmm

only thing i have found that works is to hold his hand tightly, or to stick a finger through the cuff of his top and pin his arm down that way

RitaMorgan Tue 26-Jul-11 09:38:25

Have you considered night weaning? Maybe cutting down feeds will be enough to make it a more pleasant experience all together?

I've cut down to just two feeds now and ds does behave a lot better during them - I guess cos it's more "special time" now than something on tap whenever he wants.

CombineArvester Tue 26-Jul-11 09:38:35

How old is the little bugger one? When DC2 used to do this (and was a massive nipple twiddler as well) I would loosely swaddle him or tuck his arms in the grobag whilst feeding. Attack is the right word so you need to defend yourself by tying him in a blanket.

takeonme Tue 26-Jul-11 09:38:42

How old is he?

TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 09:44:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan Tue 26-Jul-11 09:49:27

I think I'd give CC a go in your position too. Have you tried PUPD?

TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 09:53:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan Tue 26-Jul-11 10:09:48

The version of PUPD I did was just the put down part - every time ds stood up in his cot I laid him back down, no shushing, patting, rocking etc. If he held his arms up to me I picked him up and then laid him back down. Eventually he did stop getting up again and fell asleep (doing sobby, trembly breaths) with my hand on his back. You do have to be prepared for a lot of screaming and lying them down 100+ times before it works, but I am too much of a softy to actually let ds cry on his own, seemed better if I was still there.

TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 10:12:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan Tue 26-Jul-11 10:26:42

He self-settles pretty beautifully at bedtime about 95% of the time. I would be lying if I said he sleeps through - probably 3 nights out of 7 we don't hear a peep from him from 7.30pm-6am, 3 nights he wakes once or twice and wants a sip of water/legs untangled from sleeping bag/dummy found/just to know we're there (awake less than a minute), and 1 night he wakes multiple times for no apparent reason hmm Not the world's best sleeper, but certainly reasonable - and any nightwakings are very short and don't require feeding or rocking.

grumblinalong Tue 26-Jul-11 10:33:00

TheSecondComing You really do sound at the end of your tether. If I was you (and I was you 3 years ago with ds2) I'd give up the bf/co-sleeping as it sounds like you want to but mothers guilt is stopping you. Mothering shouldn't be some kind of ordeal, if you're being physically hurt then it's ok to try something else in my humble opinion. I'd say you'd 'done your time' without doubt.

DS into a cot/bed & do the great GOSH sleep training (sit on a chair with your back to cot, gradually move chair towards door over series of nights, DS eventually self settles). I'm currently bf my 4 week old DD who is feeding continuously throughout the day and yesterday I had to put her down and let her cry a bit (well 5 mins grin) rather than the default setting of shoving boob into mouth - just to give myself the mental break.

musttidyupmusttidyup Tue 26-Jul-11 10:47:30

When they start driving you this crazy it's time to stop. You can't carry on like this. Did bloody well to get to a yeat! Pack it in.

musttidyupmusttidyup Tue 26-Jul-11 10:47:52

year

takeonme Tue 26-Jul-11 10:53:52

DC3 and he's a year old right? You really have done your time and more, and should feel no guilt if you want to stop feeding. You sound like you're really not enjoying it any more. Do what you want and really don't feel guilty...

TheSecondComing Tue 26-Jul-11 11:00:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

takeonme Tue 26-Jul-11 12:14:38

Not at all insane ... in fact very good idea. You get a break, DP can deal with cc (VERY difficult not to cave in when BF I think). (BTW I'd be sorely tempted NOT to rush back for 7am and 'allow' parents to bring you breakfast in bed!)

ShowOfHands Tue 26-Jul-11 12:26:14

It's a difficult age anyway. They find sleep really, really hard at 12 months. It is easier to guide them gently away from this fucking annoying behaviour once they're walking confidently (and wearing themselves out) and this developmental spurt is over.

I remember going through it with dd. I got to the point where either me or dd would have to be chucked out the window. I wanted to either scream or cry whenever dd grabbed, mauled, scratched, twiddled or whinged to feed. And my bed was the most miserable place in the world. I'd lie there, stuck on one side, aching and trying not to cry while dd generally latched on, latched off, fiddled, wriggled, jiggled, scratched and drove me round the flipping twist. Evenings were impossible, nobody else could settle her and I truly thought I'd go mad.

I did Jay Gordon's method. I needed her to STOP TOUCHING ME throughout the night, go to sleep and let me have my body to myself for a few precious hours. I was so surprised by how amazingly well it worked. Once we'd got to the point of sorting out the constant demands for milk all the damn night, I worked on stopping the scratching and twiddling. The second she tried it while feeding, I held her hand away from me or wrapped it in a blanket or put a toy in her hand. It's an instinct (they're encouraging let down by fiddling with your other breast) and they will do it automatically. I just took a zero tolerance approach and it took several weeks but she finally stopped.

Once the night shennanigans were sorted and the twiddling/scratching/fiddling stopped I found I was happy to continue and fed dd until she was 3.4.

But if you really want to stop now, you should do so with a clear conscience. In fact you should be utterly proud of yourself. How you manage that with a 12 month old who is so attached to bfing, I'm afraid I don't know.

You have my utmost sympathies.

Babieseverywhere Tue 26-Jul-11 13:16:31

Ds is old enough at a year to be capable of learning some nursing manners. Kelly Mom page with some ideas

I am not sure if you want to stop, cut down or just stop the undesirable pinching etc, so ignore suggestions which don't fit.

Have you tried wearing a tight top and or sleeping bra at night to allow you a bit of protection against the scratching and you could choose when/if to feed him at night, as he couldn't help himself.

Would DS take a bottle of water at night ? Might limit amount of night feeds needed. Also offering more milk (yours, cows, formula) during the day might reduce the need for night feeding.

Would it be possible to nurse DS to sleep in your bed and then go out leaving him there ? Would he stay asleep ?

Could your DH lie down with him in your bed and cuddle until he falls asleep.

Stopping the feed and putting the child down, when they do something unacceptable is a common and often successful way of teaching them what behaviours you won't have.

Try not to sit down in your usual chair, as that will be a trigger for asking for milk, just keep moving.

Distraction can work well, using Yes phrases. Yes, you can have milk in 5 minutes, Yes, you can have milk after lunch.

You can also reduce the length of feeds, tell him he can feed for the count of ten. A super quick feed might be enough if it is a comfort feed and will still allow you to reduce/stop feeds at other times.

I use a few of the above suggestions to allow me to leave 11 month old DD. I try to nurse her to sleep in her bed, before I go out. Else I just nurse her before leaving her with DH whilst I get out. I can leave her up to 4 or 5 hours and I don't leave any milk for her. She drinks water out of a cup or a solid snack and waits for my return.

Hope you get a break soon.

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