Why do I hate being 'a breastfeeding mother'?(19 Posts)
I am currently breastfeeding DC3 (8 weeks), I realised that I am constantly looking for reasons to give up breastfeeding and apart from the feeds when the 2 of us are alone at home during the day (rare), I really don't like it.
I feel horrible being the one person sitting there in the park letting my kids run wilder than I like and feeling like I can't properly supervise them because I have to sit there with a mouth on my nipple.
Feeling awkward feeding in public not because I am shy of it but just because I can't feed without a cushion and a prop for my feet and non-BF friends look at me funny and BF friends who are no longer BF (none of my friends have babies at the moment) try to be overly helpful and make me feel like a helpless child.
Having to let DS3 cry due to hunger because he has no routine and often gets hungry just as I have to do the school run even if I try to force milk into him when I am able earlier in the morning rush.
My DH gave DS a bottle of formula the other night because after 8 weeks of waking max every 3 hours to feed and a day with my 2 other DSs and the baby I was just finished with exhaustion and just couldn't feed him. He slept for 7 hours! 7 hours! Why can't my breast milk do that?
I know how wonderful BF is for baby and me, I BF the other 2 for 4 months and 7 months but I am so fed up with it. Can anyone talk some sense into me? Or have any of you felt this way?
Thanks for reading from a very tired mum.
Congratulations on DC3 Zipity. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down . You mentioned that you don't know any mums who are currently bf. Do you think it would help if you got to know some, perhaps through your local support group?
They may be able to show you how to feed in a sling too, which would help you have at least one hand free and feed him while walking to school, corralling kids around the playground etc. Remember though, that at this age, even if bf, you would have to use both hands to feed him as he can't yet hold the bottle himself, so in those situations you wouldn't npbe any better off.not really. And that instead of popping him onto the boob when hungry, you'd have to go through the rigmarole of making up bottles, with demanding toddlers ankle-biting to boot.
For fear of being lynched.....why don't you give a bottle? He has had your milk for 8 weeks which is brilliant. You've done really well to get that far with two other children. I don't have other children but can't imagine how I would breast feed if I did, my LO can take forever to feed and have considered giving up numerous times. I now give a bottle for the last feed which is much easier for me and satisfying for her. There's no need to be ashamed of giving formula, it's what suits your lifestyle and you're only stressing yourself out which isn't good for your newborn. Could you try keeping the morning and evening feeds and formula the rest of the time to give you a rest and allow you to spend more time with your other children. x
Definitely look into feeding in a sling. Not everyone manages it but I know some people who have perfected completely hands-free feeding and find it really handy.
I felt exactly the same as you with my first baby. i was constantly looking for excuses to stop and waiting for someone to tell me it was ok to stop. in the end i stopped at 4 months out of exhaustion and felt a much better bond with my baby after that because i didnt resent feeding him and felt free.
having said that whilst i was pregnant with my second one i longed to breastfeed again (i think hormones do funny things to you).
my baby is now 1 week old. i am breastfeeding her but already looking for ways to stop. will keep going out of duty but do believe that sometimes BF is not the best especially for bonding.
do whatever will keep you sane, help you bond with your baby, spend time with your children and limit the guilt as much as possible. dont know what the answer is.
Have you tried a sling, work wonders for both mine. Espically when so small, hopefully your just getting to the easier bit now though the first couple of week's can be quit intense with a new baby. No matter how they are fed.
Your baby slept longer from a bottle because formula is harder to digest then BM it sits in the stomach longer and can sometimes make small babies sleep longer because of this. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your milk.
It will get easiter and soon you'll be feeding everywhere and anywhere, far easier then having to take out bottle's. It's now also the summer holidays so you woun't have to worry about the school run untill hopefully baby is in a bit more of a routine. I've found this a pain with DS to mainly from a sleep point of view though so now the pain on that one.
If you don't want to do it any more, of course you should stop, and not feel guilty. Or perhaps move to mixed feeding, if you still want to give him the goodness of bfing for a while longer.
Breastfeeding has benefits, yes, but if it's stressing you out this much they aren't worth it. If you were stressed because you wanted to carry on but were finding it hard then I'd definitely try to suggest ways to make it easier, but it doesn't sound as though you do want to carry on. So stop!
Here: reasons to be proud (up to 8 weeks)
For baby helps to stabilise babys blood sugars and protect babys gut.
For mother a great opportunity for the first skin-to-skin cuddle.
For baby the antibodies in mothers colostrum provide natural immunity from infection.
For mother helps womb to contract to normal size.
For baby sticky black meconium is cleared more readily from babys bowel.
For mother instant relief for hot, swollen breasts when milk comes in.
For baby transition to world outside womb is eased.
For mother frequent feeds mean time to sit or lie down and for you to get to know each other.
For baby food & drink always ready at the right temperature, adapting to the babys needs.
For mother hormones help you to get back to sleep after night feeds.
For premature babies - lower risk factors for heart disease in later life.
For mother saves time sterilising and making up bottles.
For baby half the risk of chest infections now and up to 7 years old.
For mother: Breastfeeding likely to be easier and you can go out and about without bottle feeding equipment.
For baby lower risk of food allergy at 3 years old if breastfed only until now.
For mother reduced risk of ovarian cancer in later life.
Zipity you could be me! My third is 11 weeks, middle child decided he did not want to wear nappies last week, therefore I have just come back from a party where ds1 ran wild, ds2 wee'ed everywhere and dd screamed as I could not get in right position to feed her properly. Do not like getting boobs out in public, need my special pillow and to be at home tbh. Have considered bottles but at the mo, despite havin pg had a bottle a day since birth, she is refusing them, although my dh has persevered and got her to take them. Feel a bit trapped tbh particularly as school hols start tomorrow so will then have 3 everyday. Not sure what the answer is, but wanted to reassure you, you're not alone!! xxx
One of the things that helped me when I was feeling like giving up was remembering how much money every breastfeed was saving me, keeping a rough tally in my mind and then treating myself to something nice with the money i'd 'saved' !!!
and fwiw you can def have a set routine and bf - I did, I would have gone mad if I didn't!!! At 8 wks I roughly bf every 3 hours, and if you think baby is settling for longer with a bottle in the evening then make the last feed of the day a formula one.
It is knackering having a baby and even more so when you have other children to worry about as well!!!
Thanks for your ideas. Feeding in a sling sounds good may have to investigate.
I know he won't be able to hold a bottle but on school sports day I took a bottle of EBM and feeding whilst traipsing around the field after my ds1 class was so easy compared to having to find somewhere to sit and then move every 10 mins as the classes were moving around.
I think I will use a bottle of formula once a day; am going to see if it helps him to sleep longer and therefore me to be less tired and stressed. In spite of saying I hate being a breastfeeding mother, I also don't feel happy to give up completely.
Thanks and apologies for the moan.
thelizard your post made me feel better; I'm not the only one made to feel like an out of control mother by my children. They pick their moments don't they? I can almost hear people's thoughts sometimes "she can't control these 2 and she's had ANOTHER one!"
I hope things get easier for you (and me)!
Oh, I think it is good to moan when you need to especially to people who can understand how you feel. Which is why it might be worthwhile dropping in to your local support group.
List here although it is not nearly exhaustive.
BertieBotts Lovely list!
OP, well done - sounds like you're a great mum to your 3 kids running around a sports day with a newborn. I was barely up to minding myself at that stage
lockets 5 children! Wow how wonderful and exhausting. This whole BF thing has been making me wonder how on earth I'd cope with a 4th as I'd love to have 4. Good on you for managing, I hope your DS starts putting on weight, it can be so worrying. My DS1 was like that, born at 25%ile went down to 4th took a month to get back to birth weight, HV was constantly suggesting formula and I caved at 4 months having gradually introduced bottle feeds from 8 weeks ish. The formula made no difference to his weight gain and I stopped having him weighed as it was too stressful and he seemed very healthy. He was weighed at school and is now 50th% so he caught up somewhere along the way.
DS2 is a chubby boy with the opposite problem! BF him was easy as he was a born piggy and fed really quickly and well.
I know what you mean by not wanting to be watching by the sidelines, I'm like that too, I want to be the one running around the playground with them. However a good RL friend pointed out to me that I shouldn't be aiming to do it all at the moment and my expectations are too high for myself which made me feel better. I have signed my other 2 up for several activites over the holiday to keep them busy and have fun and of course I feel guilty about that too!
Having a good day today as the other 2 are busy till 2 and I have been able to concentrate on DS3 (and the house and cooking!) for a few hours.
MBJ thanks for the support groups list. I know there are a few near me, won't they all be full of first timers, I feel like I shouldn't need one by now!
Thanks Trillian as well, I am the first to admit that I am probably trying to do too much but I can't stop!
Second Coming, I know so many people with the same problem as you, including my sister with twins, one who'll take a bottle one who won't! She's gone back to work so BF morning and bedtime and her baby has lots of yoghurt and milky stuff to eat to make up for it. I wish you success in stopping!
Join the discussion
Please login first.