Friend under pressure concerning breastfeeding(9 Posts)
Went to visit my friend yesterday. Her dd is 3 weeks old. I am quite worried for my friend, her dd is suffering from colic and the situation is a bit difficult because her dp is disabled and cannot help. I have already written on the baby health topic concerning her dd's colic.
I am writing on this topic board because my friend is under considerable pressure from her dp and family concerning breastfeeding. She is currently breastfeeding and sometimes giving dd bottle, because of various breastfeeding problems. But my friend is determined to keep on breastfeeding and she is doing a fantastic job. But her dp keeps on going on about the fact that she doesn't have enough milk and wanting to weigh dd all the time. Their family also keeps on going on and on about the fact that she does not have enough milk and that it is not nutritious enough. They have put so much pressure on her that on Monday they are taking her to the doctors to analyze her breastmilk. She is distraught and the more stressed she is getting the more difficult she is finding breastfeeding. The pedeatrician also told them to wake their dd every 3hours to feed her and since doing this their dd is become increasingly irritable and is sleeping less and less. They, especially dp, are all stressing her also on the fact that her dd should have a routine at 3 weeks, which I was !
I feel terrible for her. I tried to give her as much help and info that I got from the leche league. But how can she tell her dp and family to back off. She is already fighting with her mother and sister. I don;t know whether I should speak to her dp, who is my dh's extremely good friend.
Maybe going to the Doctors will reassure them all - but your poor friend! I don't know what sort of analysis of breastmilk they are expecting?? But they are going to be disappointed!
Is her MW/HV any good?
Can she get a breast feeding counsellor's advice?
Do you know what they're planningh to do to analyse her breastmilk? She is in a very difficult situation and I feel sorry for her.
Depending on how often she is giving a bottle though she may well have supply issues which could be sorted by removing the bottle (gradually) not by analysing her breastmilk!
I would recomend encouraging her to get along to a good breast feeding support group, where she can speak to a qualified BFC, they will be able to reasure her, work on any actual breast feeding problems she may have, and give her information to help educate her DP and family about breastmilk and breast feeding. I hope the GP gives good information and doesn't just tell her to FF. you are being a very good friend by recognising what your friend actually wants in this situation.
As with a lot of early days baby "problems" so much could be solved simply by this mother getting more support both physically around the house to take the pressure off and enable her to focus on her baby, mentally to reasure her that she is doing the right thing in breastfeeding and practically to help her through any actual issues she may be having with it.
You mention supply? is there any evidence of low milk supply as in poor weight gain, infrequent dirty nappies and few wet ones? is the baby sleepy all the time and or reluctant to feed? or is this a "diagnosis" based on her baby being fussy?
Also another thing I would personally reccomend if she were my friend is a sling. It can really help with settling a colicy baby, encouraging feeding, and allowing mum to feel less tied to the sofa.
Words fail me, I feel so, so sorry for you friend. Why are they saying she has problems with her milk? Is it because they want to be able to feed the baby? Have any of them actually bf? She sounds like she is being bossed around and bullied.
What does you friend want? Please to ask rather than jumping in. I think this goes further than bf tbh.
is your dh on side? can he have a word with the husband and make it clear that this behaviour is not on?
can you get her to join MN so that it's not just you on your own backing her up?
are there any other RL friends who can support her?
My friend is being bullied. There is no evidence that there is a supply problem. Her dd has lots of wet nappies and is a good healthy weight. Her dd is not sleepy all the time, in fact she does not sleep very much. She is fussy because the GP told them to wake her up and she has very bad colic.
I have advised my friend to get a la leche league consultant to come to her house. If she agrees I will organize it for her. I have also suggested that she go to a la leche league meeting, I think it would be good for her to get out of the house for an hour with the baby and leave some space for her dp too
My friend does want to continue bf but feels under pressure at the moment. I have not jumped in, I just listened to her yesterday and thought that I would ask for some opinions.
Shame for your friend
There is no way her GP will agree to analyse her milk - what a waste of the doctor's time.
It is possible for a lab to check a mother's milk for stuff like drugs - but this is not an issue here.
A lab could also check the amount of fat in it - but this would be pointless as the fat content of breastmilk is dynamic. Taking a single sample does not tell you anything.
It sounds as though getting along to the LLL group is exactly what she needs. good luck, keep sticking up for her and offering support.
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