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So sad today as others join BFing flashmob

(15 Posts)
WickedWomble Fri 24-Jun-11 09:33:48

After fifteen weeks of EBF I finally had to give up as feeds got harder and DD's weight gain faltered. I now feed three bottles of EBM and three of F a day. She is doing fantastically well but I am not. I feel terrible, especially when I see others comfortably feeding their little ones!

I have just seen a facebook friend declaring how proud he is of his wife joining a bfing flash mob today. I am gutted that DH won't be able to do the same. I would love to go to show support but couldn't stand having to get out the dreaded bottle in front of such proud lactivists.

Just ranting really...good luck to all those involved in the flash mobs, but they are probably making quite a few people feel horrible.

sad

EdwardorEricCantDecide Fri 24-Jun-11 09:35:59

what on earth is a flash mob

<pictures huge protest type walk with women and babied hanging off their bare breasts>

[easily amused emoticon] grin

organiccarrotcake Fri 24-Jun-11 09:51:23

womble I'm so sorry you feel so bad sad

I'm not going because I'm working, but I would (I live near Leeds) because on balance I really like the idea. Normally I'm not keen on BFing sit-in type things but usually they are a complaint about someone having a bad time in a cafe or similar, whereas this is more of a celebration of breastfeeding.

Many people will have had an easy time (thank goodness) and many will have had a tough time but generally those who are still continuing are the lucky ones who have also had great support from people who really know what they're doing. Sadly that support is so lacking that the majority of people still don't manage to do BF when they really want to.

We want to change that, and we want to show how important BFing is to so many of us mums. We're not trying to "rub it in" or "be smug". There's nothing smug about having battled through something and finally achieved it despite all odds, then wanting to help others who are approaching that situation. Sadly, this doesn't help those who have come to the point where things haven't worked out and that is something that all BFing advocates feel deeply frustrated about.

We do need to continue to wave the flag and continue the cause so that mums to be have a better chance. We spend a lot of time directly helping mums, almost always entirely for free - in fact at our cost for fuel, materials, time (when we could be working for financial gain) etc. Because we want to help mums.

We don't always get it right but we do always want to do it as well as we can.

If you were sitting next to me and you pulled out a bottle, I'd be so proud to have you there. I'd assume that you were pro-breastfeeding, that you wanted (or want) to BF and to support others who want to, that either there was EBM in the bottle, or formula because you'd made an informed choice or you didn't have an option, or not enough of the right support, and that you were doing what was best for you.

I'm not naive enough to think that no one there may be rude about it but IMO that person has no right whatsoever to be in the group. It's about supporting mums to feed their babies. Anyone who thinks differently, or who would not support EVERY mum has no right to attempt infant feeding promotion.

I hope this post reads the way I intend it. Hugs to you xxx

lilham Fri 24-Jun-11 09:57:17

We can never stop feeling guilty as mums, isn't it? First we have the 'perfect' birth, then the feeding. Then we have weaning, schools, music lessons. The list never stops! We are all just trying to do the best for our babies. FF is not poison. In the UK, we have clean water and easy access to sterilization. When's the last time you hear a baby not thrive on FF? Ofc BF should be supported just because we have one of the lowest rates in Europe, for whatever reason. (We can all rant about why in some other thread)!

Stop feeling horrible. You feeling guilty means you are a great mum because you care!

FannyFifer Fri 24-Jun-11 10:02:58

I don't get the breastfeeding flashmob stuff, what's the point at all?

I am an extended breastfeeder but I still just don't get it.

worldgonecrazy Fri 24-Jun-11 10:12:01

Whatever age you stop, you will feel sad or something will happen. I stopped at 15 months and as soon as DD caught her first cold I felt guilty because I couldn't give her any of my antibodies.

Don't feel bad for yourself, but don't feel bad for mums who are trying to help normalise breastfeeding either, even if you don't agree with their methods.

VictoriaMc77 Fri 24-Jun-11 10:19:28

I know exactly where you're coming from Womble. When I heard about the flashmob in Leeds I thought about going but I must admit my first reaction was won't it make those that can't BF feel bad? Not sure why I felt this ... maybe because I've come close to stopping so many times and on many occasion have found myself looking at the formula milk in the supermarket!!!

I do support the idea tho as any efforts to make BF the norm and not something only a few do is great! I wouldn't have gone but have prior commitments.

Good luck to everyone taking part! And Womble - try not to feel so bad, at the end of the day you're feeding your baby and if you have a happy, healthy baby that's all that counts in my book. x

VictoriaMc77 Fri 24-Jun-11 10:20:03

Sorry - meant to say I WOULD have gone !!!

slightlycrumpled Fri 24-Jun-11 10:22:51

Womble, I bet your DH is proud. Look at what you've done - fifteen weeks and your still giving your baby some breastmilk. Do not underestimate your own achievements with breastfeeding.

The 'flash mob' thing I don't think is designed to make others feel bad, and anyway it won't if you don't let it. Seriously be proud of what you have done and what you are continuing to do. I stopped bf ds3 after a few weeks after a nightmare time with it and I still feel pleased that he had some of my milk, even though it wasn't for as long as I had planned originally.

Gilberte Fri 24-Jun-11 10:32:45

Why wouldn't your DH be proud of you anyway for how well you are taking care of your baby. Who cares about pointless boasting on facebook.

Forgive me as I'm not sure if EBF is expressed breastfeeding or exclusive breastfeeding but either way, You've fed your baby with breastmilk for 15 weeks. That's no mean feat especially if expressing which is blooming hard work.

And you don't have to be breastfeeding yourself to be supportive of breastfeeding. I know of trained breast-feeding peer supporters who formula fed their own children after being unable to breastfeed/continue breastfeeding themselves. Great people to have on board as they know the realities, difficulties and disappointments first-hand and yet remain committed to helping others.

Please don't beat yourself up.

beatofthedrum Fri 24-Jun-11 17:24:22

Womble there is no doubt you should be very proud, expressing three times a day shows a massive commitment to breastfeeding, it is much more arduous than direct feeding. I so sympathise as I've had unforeseen problems this time (think we're going to get through it but have faltered) and it's a deeply upsetting situation feeling you can't directly feed your baby when you want to so much. The efforts you are making would be recognised by any mum and I bet your DH is very proud of you. You are a breastfeeder and am sure are recognised as that by your family and friends.

WickedWomble Fri 24-Jun-11 19:39:29

Thank you all for your kind words. I was being a little dramatic this morning, I think blush

DD and I had a lovely day topped off by DH coming home, running me a bath and handing me a wine whilst he fed DD - one big advantage of bottle feeding!

Cosmosis Fri 24-Jun-11 19:50:11

big respect to you for all that expressing, it's not the easy option by any means.

Can I take it you live in the same city as I do? smile There was a flash mob at the trainstation today in my town.

WickedWomble Fri 24-Jun-11 20:07:46

Probably Cosmosis. My MN nickname is a big clue as to where I live grin

Iggly Fri 24-Jun-11 20:13:12

You should be proud of how far you got with BF!

But, these people cannot make you feel horrible. You can decide whether or not it bothers you - if it does, then that's something you need to deal with really.

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