Tell me if this is funny (visitors, BF newborn)(7 Posts)
Partner's sister and husband want to visit our new baby. They live 2h away but are travelling literally right past us to go on holiday and have to change train anyway so it's a 5min detour to visit. Depending on whether they visit on the outward or return journey it'd mean morning (ok but not ideal) or late evening (worst time of the day for us, constantly feeding, fussy, and lots of boob flashing while fussing which is not ideal in front of two people I don't know very well, we see them once a year.) So DP says we prefer the morning and his sister responds: actually we'll be tired from travelling and it doesn't suit us. So it's evening or nothing.
I had to laugh.
Visiting at the end of your holiday means you'll have been out the night before so you'll be sooo tired the following morning.
While I get a solid 8 hours a night of course. (Pregnancy and BF a newborn causing sleep deprivation? Old wives tales!)
Did I mention they are TTC?
Should I suggest they come round at 4am, we're all up anyway! It'd show them what they're in for!
Yes, tell them to call in at any time during the night
And say the door is open for them, but before they come and see you, they must make a fresh pot of tea!
They are TTc? Show them....
I was really anxious about visitors in the early days because getting to grips with breast feeding was hard enough! IMO visitors should be asking when it is ok to visit and bending round you not the other way round.
I think it very rarely ever does anybody any favours to compare fatigue. Of course there is little comparison between having a newborn and being tired from a holiday, they're very different types of tired and really the one doesn't negate the other anyway.
They don't know what it's like to have a baby yet and it's very difficult to respect other people's references to 'I'm busy' or 'I'm tired' when you're in the midst of newborn hell.
You're perfectly within your rights to say when's good for you. They're perfectly within the rights to not visit. Don't be pushed into visitors at a stressful time of the day.
Try not to get too worked up about it, they probably just don't understand how stressful the early days (esp evenings) can be with a newborn. I'd just make it clear that the evening visit realy won't work for you so its up to them if they want to come in the morning or not at all (or suggest the evening but they would only be able to stay for a shorter time as a compromise). But to be honest, it probably wont be as bad as you are imagining whenever they do come, its the stressing about it in advance thats worse than the reality (I had a similar situation with my BIL/SIL). It certainly isn't worth falling out about/getting yourself worked up about. Try not to over think it. You have my sympathies, it IS hard work!
Oh I won't get upset about it, I just thought it was funny. And I agree about avoiding competitive anything, so competitive tiredness won't happen.
To be honest, I'm quite comfortable with putting my baby's needs ahead of visitors / us / life in general and DP agrees so we're fine with talking honestly about what does and doesn't suit. I am enjoying the newborn stage and don't agree with the "oh you don't know what you're in for" approach when talking to parents-to-be so I wou;dn't do that (just think it!)
Agree that they should be coming when suits you.
If they insist on coming in the evening they will just have to put up with fussy baby, boob flashing and perhaps you being absent while you try to settle baby.
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