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Have I made a mistake with my 11 month DS?

(24 Posts)
LeoniPoni Thu 26-May-11 23:11:33

Hi,

DS is almost 11 months old and was EBF until 6 months and now has 3 meals a day, finger food for snacks and breastfeeds about 5 times a day.

For about 3 months I've tried to introduce different alternatives to breastmilk (formulas, water) in different cups, bottles, beakers. But he gets really hysterical when we try and get him to drink out of them. I tried dropping feeds to encourage his thirst but he will literally wait until he is so parched and devastated that we are both sobbing and I can't not breastfeed him.

I'm ready to start pulling away from breastfeeding. At least in part. Have I left it to long? Was it a mistake to not introduce a bottle earlier? I feel so stupid, everyone just sort of looks at me like I'm a bit useless when I explain I can't leave him for longer than a couple of hours because he won't take a bottle.

Don't know what to do, don't think I can bear my mum's advice to leave him to cry sad Am I a massive wimp??

Sorry for waffley, moany message!

ShowOfHands Thu 26-May-11 23:16:21

No you are not a wimp and no you haven't left it for too long. It's normal for you little boy to want bm as much as he does. It should be the majority of their diet for the first 12 months with solids being a complement to bm from 6 months onwards. At 11 months my dd was still very attached to bm, not just for nutrition but for comfort and it was utterly, utterly normal for her. She cut down in her own time but I was happy to continue.

Are you wanting to stop very soon, cut down slowly or would you even consider expressing milk maybe to get him used to a flavour he likes out of a cup he's happy to use?

organiccarrotcake Thu 26-May-11 23:21:47

Leoni, please don't leave him to cry. Your instincts say it's not for you. You can't force him to drink from a cup if he doesn't want to, but you can try to take the stress out of it. If you're ready to cut down bfs can you just hold off for another month and start the process over again?

Try giving him an empty cup to play with and play tea parties, showing him you pretending to drink. Offer to share your drink at a meal but don't push it if he doesn't want it. Let him have a sippy cup with a bit of water in to play with and see if he starts to work it out.

Useless that you can't leave him? Of course not. It's really normal. He will learn to use a cup but at the moment it's associated with stress, and he still may not be very good at it, but he will learn in time.

What are your plans for bfing on an ongoing basis? How long do you want to leave him for?

LeoniPoni Thu 26-May-11 23:23:40

I'd rather cut down slowly as he is so attached, I really want it to be non-traumatic!

I do have all the expressing equipment so will give that a try tomorrow! He gets really angry even at the sight of his cups and bottles now :s

I'm glad you don't think I've ruined him! I used to be so laid back! Now I have a baby I'm a basket case!

LeoniPoni Thu 26-May-11 23:29:49

Good point Carrotcake. It has a negative feeling for him now. Best to take the stress out of it.

Me and DP are getting married next month and have people telling me on a daily basis 'you can't be bfing in your wedding dress at the wedding! Get him on a bottle!!' think I need to rethink why I'm doing this! Maybe neither me nor DS are ready.

organiccarrotcake Thu 26-May-11 23:30:34

Awww, enough of the "ruined him" language. BFing like you are is what we're designed to do, so considering that to be wrong doesn't make sense.

I wouldn't bother with bottles but try doing the playing with cups and take away the insistence that he must try them and he will get used to the idea in due course.

Cut down as and when you are ready - not just because someone tells you that you "should"nwant to go out. If you do want to, give him a good feed beforehand and enjoy yourself smile

This might help: www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

organiccarrotcake Thu 26-May-11 23:31:49

xpost.

How exciting!

Have you got a strategy for feeding on The Day?

Abwah Thu 26-May-11 23:33:03

My DS is 10m. Had a similar problem until I got someone to sit next to him drinking out of a tommee tip cup. He just copied. This was after I'd spent hours and hours trying to do the same to no avail. Is there anyone who can help?

As for the wimp bit - not a bit of it. This stuff is tricky and emotionally involving.

LeoniPoni Thu 26-May-11 23:37:23

Well I was going to look at his feeding pattern the week of the wedding and see how I can accommodate it on the day. He can usually be distracted with a fromage frais or something for a while but apart from that if the drinking from cups is still a no go i'll just have to bf him! It's my wedding, I'll do what I want!

LeoniPoni Thu 26-May-11 23:38:35

Abwah DP will now be drinking his coffee from a tommee tippee cup!!

Abwah Thu 26-May-11 23:39:27

One of my friends bfed on her wedding day! Her baby was weeks old so she really had to. Lots of distraction on the day itself, so your ds might not be too bothered in the day, perhaps?

Congratulations.

organiccarrotcake Thu 26-May-11 23:39:54

grin @ DP and sippy cup!

It is, indeed, your wedding. Enjoy it, and enjoy your baby boy smile

LeoniPoni Thu 26-May-11 23:44:47

Thanks guys! Feel much better! Might actually manage to sleep smile

RobynLou Thu 26-May-11 23:53:23

I designed my wedding dress with bfing in mind and fed DD in the bar whilst enjoying a cocktail at the reception grin

do what's best for you and DS.

DD didn't start having cows milk till she was 16m, despite us offering it long before that, but she would go for long stretches without bm from about 10m, if I wasn't there she didn't worry, the min I was back she did!

Haggisfish Thu 26-May-11 23:59:32

What is this obsession with not breastfeeding at your own wedding - two of my friends have stopped for this reason, too - I find it very bizarre! I would have happily fed at my own wedding. keep going if it suits you both - my LO desperately tries to grab whatever I am drinking out of - does yours?

thesurgeonsmate Fri 27-May-11 14:50:06

I think that trying to "get him on a bottle" in order to not bf on the wedding day is just adding one more thing to your to do list. With feeding as well established as it is surely the simplest thing by far for you and him is to bf - you know what you're doing, you can scope the venue out for somewhere to go if you have to take your dress off for a few minutes. The NHS would say that he shouldn't be using a bottle after a year anyway, I think. I would keep going with the cups as that's what he'll use eventually, forget the bottle and work to your own timetable, not towards the wedding deadline.

LeoniPoni Sat 28-May-11 20:19:13

Feeling much better since taking on board what you have all said. Relaxed and just letting him play with his sippy cup, hopefully he'll get the hang of it in his own time.

Will just see what he needs on the day of the wedding. I think when he is in a place that is new and he is feeling not as secure as usual he wants feeding more so I'm just hoping that I don't spend the whole reception feeding and comforting him - although of course if that is what he needs that is just what will have to happen.

PenguinArmy Sat 28-May-11 20:56:36

<agrees with rest of thread>

Does he ever try to drink from your cups and glasses?

LeoniPoni Sat 28-May-11 21:12:21

Yeah he will sip from my cup or a bottle of water but as soon as there is a beaker lid involved he goes mental! At what age do kids usually get the hang of giving themselves a drink from a cup without a lid?

PenguinArmy Sat 28-May-11 21:14:51

if you're persistent and let him spill it everywhere at each meal then it shouldn't take long. Have you tried a doidy cup (I think they're the open but slanted ones)? DD had no breast milk during the day at that age (was working) so only had water. She drinks a fair amount form open vessels, more than she does from her sippy cup. Might let you have a few more hours to yourself.

sundew Sat 28-May-11 21:20:19

Leoni - dd1 (now 10.5yrs old!) never ever drank milk from a bottle - even when she spent all day at the child minders. It also took us a while to find a sippy cup she liked. She hated all the ones with the valves in them.

Experiment with different types of cups - and he will be fine!

mercibucket Sat 28-May-11 21:26:53

don't forget you can use straws as well! a normal cup with a straw in it (and someone else holding on) might go down better than a special 'toddler' style cup

FessaEst Sat 28-May-11 21:29:08

I went back to work when DD was 10 months, and until then she ate very little and drank very little, and bfed lots. She was absolutely fine at the childminder's, and drank water from a cup liuke the other children - she has never had anything from a bottle at all. You may find that the wedding is so exciting, he can go longer between feeds, and it may be quite nice to steal away a couple of times for a sit down and cuddle with him!

You haven't left it too long, still bfing is your DS's "normal" - only stop when both of you want to. I remember saying to a colleague that I couldn't ever see DD cutting down feeds or stopping as she was so attached, but it's all happened v naturally and non-traumatically.

LeoniPoni Sat 28-May-11 21:51:51

I'm getting good stuff here! None of my friends have babies and there hasn't been a baby in my family for ages so I don't have anyone to ask really! So it's so good to be getting all this information.

Will try some free flowing sippy cups and let him try drinking from open cups too.

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