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Help please, going back to work weaning dd off the breast when neither of us really want to!(23 Posts)
Dd is 7 months and I am going back to work part time. She has always been a bottle refuser and although I can give her water in a cup she won't take formula or ebm from anything. I need to drop the day feeds but don't know how as she gets upset and goes for my breast, getting more and more upset until I give in ( I know I'm doing the wrong thing giving in ). She is with dh for three days next week whilst I go in for some KIT days. Is it wrong to leave the job to him as he has no boobs and she will have to take something. She is on solids and I will be home by 4:30 ish so she won't starve. Help I don't know what to do for the best. She takes so much comfort from feeding and goes to sleep on the breast everytime but I know this needs to stop too.
Bugger, sorry for the one big paragraph.
I feel for you as I will be in a similar situation in July but from what I understand, so long as she is getting calcium during the time she isn't with you- in the form of yogurts or cheese then it won't do her harm to miss out on the couple of feeds during the day because she will stock up on BM as soon as she sees you.
I think its really hard to persuade a baby to drink from other things when you are there with what they want most.
She'll be fine to just drink water when you aren't there, and will make up for it when you are - its fine to just do day feeds when you are together. And no need to stop feeding to sleep - she'll do something else when you aren't there.
It'll be OK, honestly, and you don't have to give up bf
Are you planning to stop all day feeds, or just on the days you're working? It's very unlikely that she will suffer or starve from going without on those 3 days, esp if you give her full fat dairy products as a replacement. If you are planning to stop all day feeds, even on your days off then you might need to check with a health visitor (if you have a good one) because that may be a bit too much time without milk feeds for a 7mo. I have a 6mo now and although she eats mascarpone and cheese in huge volumes, I'd still be a bit uncertain about leaving her without milk every day, and would probably try to get her to take formula, but would be fine leaving her for a day or two without daytime feeds if I had to.
Chances are your DD will be fine with your DH - my DD has always been iffy with bottles but survived 5 hours happily with her grandparents when 4mo and solely breastfed (took 1oz from a bottle just to quench her thirst, but no more) and only got upset when I came back as she knew she could get a feed then. If your DD is good at drinking water she'll probably be fine and quite happy with your DH as she'll know he doesn't have breasts!
I don't know why I wrote mascarpone, as I meant yoghurt!
Problem is I don't know what I want to do with regards to stopping. My initial plan was to stop all day feeds. She also wakes in the night and feeds and co sleeps but I have been told by several health professionals that she doesn't need that feed. I'm starting to feel really torn since starting her on solids. Which sucks as I was finding it so easy and lovely when she was ebf.
Does the night feed really worry you ? Cos some babies really are hungry in the night, so trying to take away a feed they need is only going to result in upset for all of you. Certainly my ds wasn't having any of it until he was ready - but it wasn't a problem to me.
tortilla lol at marscapone!
OP, please ignore unhelpful helpful advice like she doesn't "need" to feed in the night. What are you happy with? Apart from your daughter who else really knows what she needs.
How about just see how it goes for the KIT days. As others have said she will probably be fine with your dh and yoghurts etc. (sil had to be out everyday at a week long course and db gave the youngest rice puddings which went down very well)
You may find that she simply adapts to have more milk when you are with her - I have no experience personally but have read this several times from other posters.
I think that you need to think about what you want to do rather than what you should do. I felt that I was being pushed/needed to get DD to take a bottle and to stop all day feeds when I went back to work and I got totally stressed about it all as I couldn't see how it would work. She was a bottle refuser despite everything we tried and I worried she would be starving when she was away from me. In the end it was very easy - she never had milk when she was away from me but was happy to just make up for it in the morning/evenings and increased her solids and water during the day. Initially she had feeds from me during the day on my days off but gradually they tailed off as she adjusted to having more solids. At home she was swaddled for naps but at nursery they patted her to sleep under a blanket - she wouldn't sleep like that at home but happily accepted it at nursery.
It all worked out really easily and I wish I hadn't worried about it so much.
Thanks everyone, rugby, that is really reassuring. I'm not sure what I think is right or for the best at the moment. I have a feeling that that has alot to do with everything I'm feeling about going back to work. Almost as if this is a worry that I can focus on iykwim.
It's only 3 days, you will be with her more than you are not.. start with the premise that babies and breasts are flexible. You can (if you want) do all daytime feeds when you are together, and as many night time feeds as
she you want.
For those days you are not together, if she would usually have a feed at 10 am and 3 pm, for example, well yes she will miss the 10am feed if she choses not to drink the milk that's been offered but you know she'll have yoghurt/cheese/marscapone at lunch time; and the 3pm becomes the 4.30pm you give her when you come in.
So that's a max of 3 feeds a week she might miss - it doesn't seem too bad.
And I don't know many 7 month olds who don't feed at night, they don't know they are not supposed to need a feed
My 6mo still feeds at night and probably will for a while I reckon - my DS had a night feed until he was 9mo. One of the best bits of parenting advice I read is "it is not a problem unless it is a problem for you or your baby". So if you and DD are happy with night feeds, then don't listen to anyone who says it is a problem.
It probably is tied up with how you feel about going back to work. When I went back with DS, I projected a lot of my worry about that onto things I could control like the baby's food. I spent too much time making nutritious meals for him to eat when I wasn't there and got myself in a right tizzy when he hadn't eaten it, even though he was fine.
Your DD will be fine for those feeds you're away from her, and she'll be very happy to see you when you get back I'm sure, so it will all be fine And maybe you should try her with some mascarpone
Don't worry - you will find that in 6 weeks or so she will be taking more solids anyway, and so will survive fine on water during the day and feeding when she is with you. You and she should both adjust quite quickly to the new pattern. I went back to work when DS was 9 months and he was at nursery for a few days a week 2 months or so before that, and I think it took my body about 4 days or so to adjust to the new feeding pattern, and DS adapted no problem. 2 years on (roughly) and he still feeds morning and night if I am there, but doesn't worry about it if I am not.
Thanks ladies, I shall pack her off to nursery with a bag full of mascarpone in honor of this thread and as a reminder that she will be fine I think I'll need a bag full myself!
I had this with DD1- she would only take milk from me, totally refused any kind of bottle, it caused me so much stress as everyone had their own views which they just had to give me and all were along the lines of I had to stop the breast feeding - the only person who really supported me was my midwife who re-assured me that she would be fine without the feeds. In the end I returned to work and continued to feed her until she was 20 months - a lot longer than I had planned to but it's what worked for us.
One bit of advice though for those first few days when you are missing feeds is remember to take breast pads with you - I hadn't needed them for a long time so hadn't even thought about it being an issue, had to make a quick dash to boots mid way through the day though, lucky for me I had a female boss who understood
Good luck x
you dont need to drop all day feeds, just the days you are at work. i managed this for a year after return to work 3 then later 4 days at work.
dd refused all fluids for about four months, this worried me greatly but dd was ok, i just made sure she ate lots of froit and sloppy lunches. she then took water from a cup. belive me it will work out just fine.
make sure you use breast pads and have some nurophen in handbag for the first few weeks. as your boobs will swell and be bit painfull, but nothing too bad.
just another thought i put dd into nursery 2 weeks before i actually returned, this was great in helping me adjust to not being with her and to rationalise some of my worries knowing i can get to nursery if they need me...they never did though so i had 6 days to myself to do bit of tidying, cleaning, resting shopping and uninterupted self indulgent worrying. but it really helped me return to work with far less axiety as i had 2 weeks to manage some of thse fears.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I started back at work today, supplying expressed milk to my CM. Only what I supplied today turned out to be on the verge of going off, so DS (7 months) refused it. He managed fine on just solids and water and a big feed from me when I picked him up. How many times he feeds in the night remains to be seen, but I don't mind feeding him at night anyway, especially now I'm back at work as I missed him!
I'm sure you'll both be fine
I red to work ft when dd was 8 months. Expressed but she didn't really take the milk without me there. So we just got into new routine when we were together and she had food and water when we were apart. I stopped bf at 14 months. She fed in night until we stopped but we co slept and I mainly slept through.
You can work this out to suit you both. Best of luck.
hi despite the name my dd1 is 10 weeks now i have to return to work when she is 4 months i dont want to but no choice and nannie is caring for dd1 however she just will not take bottle have tried all tips help!!!
Brand new to mumsnet & first time posting here as I normally just lurk behind the scenes and look 👀 for answers.
Just wondering if anyone is EBF like myself but looking for advice on how I start to wean my baba off the day time feeds in preparation for going back to work after Xmas. Am I worrying too early? My little man is 20 weeks now and I’m gonna start to introduce porridge ect in the next few weeks & I’m thinking is he not gonna need or want my feeds then as I’ll bd filling him this way? Eeeek I need some tips, all welcome as I’m clueless as to how I’m gonna get him off this boob while I’m away from him. I’ve never left him before & the thought of it cripples me 😪
Thanks mums in advance xx
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