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is cold turkey on dd 3 months cruel?

(13 Posts)
greeneone12 Thu 06-Jan-11 19:21:20

I am thinking of giving up breastfeeding. Dd won't take a bottle but I assume she will if she is hungry. I am starting to feel depressed as I don't have much time to myself. I love my daughter but really need a bit of my life back. Sorry if I sound selfish but just feel down a lot. I have talked to dh and my dad so can talk about my feelings.

I just don't want to cause dd stress but am starting to lose the real me

She has taken tomee t bottle a few times but now refuses even expressed milk.

Sorry to bother you but just feel worse each day

I am so lucky to have a happy healthy daughter.

mousesma Thu 06-Jan-11 19:38:21

I don't have personal experience of this but I don't think it's a bad idea to go cold turkey if you can possibly avoid it. I think there is a danger that your DD will work herself into too much of a state to take the bottle if she gets really really hungry.

Have your tried to get other people i.e. your DH or dad to give the bottle while removing yourself from the situation? She might take the bottle better if you are not there with all that inviting milk. Or have you tried giving DD a bottle when shes not that hungry so she doesn't get as fustrated?

It's best to give up BF a feed at a time if you can to stop the risk of mastitis. Is this something you feel able to do?

It does sound like you might be suffering from a bit of PND, do you think it might be worth having a chat with your HV or GP before you take any action? Also have you tried talking to a breastfeeding counsellor? Even if you do decide to give up BF (which it is entirely your right to do so) they will be able to help you plan the best way to stop so as to minimise stress to yourself.

You are not selfish and feeling down does not mean that you are not grateful for your daughter.

Hopefully someone who has more experience of stopping BF when they have a bottle refuser will be along in a minute.

mooer Thu 06-Jan-11 20:10:29

Oh poor you, sounds like you're having a really tough time! You've done the right thing in reaching out to others for support and it sounds like you have the best interests of your baby and yourself at heart.

Ideally cold turkey isn't the best way, especially if your baby is rejecting formula.

There are a few things you might like to think about.

Are there any other ways you can get time to yourself without giving up your feeds?

I'm breastfeeding my 18 month old daughter and I know from experience that it can be really challenging at times - do you think this could just be a phase?

You sound quite low, is there a chance you could have PNDepression? Perhaps you can seek further advice?

In an ideal situation all babies should be breast fed until they are 2. But the fact is that some mums dont get along with breastfeeding. This doesn't make you a bad mum! If this is the case, it's possible breastfeeding is creating tension between you and your baby, and that stopping breastfeeding could give you a more loving relationship?

Only you can know the answer. Either way, please dont beat yourself up about it, you have many happy years of parenting ahead of you!

Sassles Thu 06-Jan-11 20:27:15

Think it's said above, but you are better to drop one feed at a time or you will become very engorged and uncomfortable and may lead to mastitis.

What about changing the bottle (teat) type? I breastfeed, but used tommee tippee closer to nature teats if needing to bottle feed, but maybe changing to another type may help?

I love breast feeding, but agree that it does kind of make you indispensible at times. DH will say "I think he needs your boobs" when he maybe can't be bothered and sometimes, yes, they just want the comfort.

You could leave some milk in a bottle for DH or another relative and just go out to the shops or something or meet a friend for coffee and let them get on with it. She may be unhappy, but she will feed if she is hungry, just after a bit of wailing. Maybe if you do this regularily, she will learn that she needs to take her food from a bottle when you are not there? You can snuggle up once you get back? That way you can get some time to yourself.

Breastfeeding is so much easier, esp when getting to weaning stage and you don't know how much or when they are going to feed and I do a nighttime bottle, but man, it's a real faff. Can't imagine doing it exclusively.

mousesma Thu 06-Jan-11 20:56:24

sorry just re-read my post and realised the first part makes no sense. i do think you should avoid going cold turkey if at all possible. Sorry for being confusing.

poppydog10 Thu 06-Jan-11 21:03:16

3 months is a really tricky time. You have done the hardest part and it does get easier from here.

From your wording you do sound reall down. Is there someone you can talk to. Have you seen the health visitor recently?

I'm no expert but some un-medical things that help me when I'm feeling down are to try a catch up on some sleep (take the baby into bed and feed lying down), chocolate (seriously!), getting out in the daylight and going for a walk, and catching up with friends.

Sending you some hugs and hope things get better soon.

hellymelly Thu 06-Jan-11 21:13:32

I think cold turkey is a bad idea too-but I also think that the breastfeeding isn't really the issue,you seem to be overwhelmed and wanting something you can never have (your old life back)You are still you,you are just you as a mother now,how is that not "the real" you? The real you is a mother.I also wonder if you have some level of PND. Motherhood can be a shock,especially if your old life was quite ordered,or the kind of life that isn't very baby friendly,but maybe if you go out and do things that you enjoy,but take her with you,you'll feel a bit better? Easy to stick a baby in a sling and just go out.Do you know anyone else with a small baby? It can be quite islolating in the Winter if you stay at home and don't get to meet people much.I would have a chat with your GP to discuss possible PND,(if you have a GP you like and not some grumpy old codger that is.)Get your husband to have her for an hour here and there so that you can go for a coffee,sit down with a book,whatever, and lastly,get out and about as much as you can,to baby friendly places especially. And see as much of friends who you love as possible.Get them over,go to theirs with your baby etc.They will remind you that you are still you,just with an additional facet,and they will help keep you cheerful.I hope you feel better about everything soon.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Thu 06-Jan-11 21:17:52

poor you. I personally wouldn't do it cold turkey. It will hurt a lot, you might regret it and it's hard to go back, it gets much easier soon.

I did mix feeding with my first two at about 4 months. You can just feed a couple of times a day and do a bottle at the other times.

You can then move the bottles around so that you can go out/sleep etc when you want to.

The feeds get so much quicker. My 7 month old now feeds in 5 minutes, at 3 months I think it was probably about an hour.

think 3 months is hard. It all catches up on you.

ps nothing wrong with going to bed at 7pm every now and again ( I still do!)

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Thu 06-Jan-11 21:20:14

forgot to add... get your DH to give the bottle, you go out, may take a few days but they will get it and ime don't get confused if you then offer boob.

BodleianBabe Thu 06-Jan-11 22:21:15

Sort of agree with whoknowswhatthefutureholds. If it's making you that unhappy I do think you should cut down on the BF or stop.

I had to stop EBFing at 4 months with DS2 as I had to go back to work (couldn't express enough if he would take the bottle). Wouldn't take a bottle or a any other receptical. As per whoknowswhatthefutureholds I was told to go out and leave him with DP or GPs to bottle feed. however that didn't work probably because i could be away from him long enough to get 'desperate' IYSWIM. Eventually had to leave him at my lovely nursery on first day back at work (who were fully aware of situation) They managed by the second day to get him to take the bottle.

I was then able to BF him last thing at night and first thing in morning without him refusing the bottle at other times.

I do totally understand your feelings. I BF'd both of mine (DS1 EBF for 6 months but as I said DS2 for 4). However I feel I've been left with a sort of breast phobia. I can't stand them being touched at all now and to be honest if I had a third (definitely won't happen!!!) I don't think I could BF again despite knowing it was 'best'.

seimum Thu 06-Jan-11 22:29:30

Similarly to Bodleian, I had to stop BF ing DD1 at 4 months, as I was going back to work, and she wouldn't take formula from a bottle (though would take expressed milk in a botte from DH).

The health visitor suggested cold turkey in the end, as she thought DD1 was getting confused by being give a bottle when BF was available.

After about a day of bottle feeding by DH, DD1 took bottle from me & was on formula from then on.

My boobs felt a bit bruised for a few days & I had to express a bit, but it wasn't that bad.

It didn't affect BF with my DD2 or DS, who both adapted to mixed feeding no problem

minxofmancunia Thu 06-Jan-11 22:44:05

No advice but just to say i can completely empathise with your situation, I felt like I was losing my identity through breastfeeding and didn't cope at all well with the complete loss of freedom and independence.

TBH when both my babies FINALLY took a bottle (which will happen if you persevere) all those feelings just lifted. i don't think some people can conceptualise the feeling of despair a bottle refusing baby can initiate in a breast feeding mother. I've never felt so awful and it's one of the things that puts me off having another baby.

greeneone12 Thu 06-Jan-11 22:55:25

Thank you all. I know I would feel so much better if she would take a bottle. It's that age old problem. Just frustrating that she has in the past and now she won't. I dont want to make her get to.starving point to make her take a bottle as that would make me feel even worse thanks again for all your oind words of support.

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