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Another sleep and top up bottle question.. sorry!

(16 Posts)
TiredofYorks Wed 29-Dec-10 21:31:24

DD is 17wks, she normal feeds most of the evening and then goes to bed about 9pm but for ages I've wanted to get her to bed for a much more reasonable time.

Tonight I bit the bullet and bathed, fed and then gave her a bottle of EBM (6oz) and put her into her bed. She cried for 3/4 hour and then went to sleep. I stayed with her stroking her and sushing her and am pleased it has paid off. She's still asleep now which is good.

My problem with this is, I would much prefer to just feed her myself and put her down but I don't think she'd go. I didn't really want her last feed of the night to be a bottle but am thrilled it works so am completely torn.

Nagoo Wed 29-Dec-10 21:33:25

no advice, but why do you think that the bottle works where breast doesn't? Is it just that you know that she's had 6oz so you can stand to hear her crying without feeling desperate to feed her again?

Habbibu Wed 29-Dec-10 21:34:52

Hmmm. Well, 9pm and cluster feeding in the evening isn't that unreasonable for a 17 week old, tbh. If you'd rather she still fed from you at bedtime, why not stick with what you've been doing before tonight until she's weaned, and then you can give her supper before her last feed, so that maybe she doesn't need to stuff herself with milk?

TiredofYorks Wed 29-Dec-10 22:02:40

Nagoo yes I think knowing she def had a full tummy made it easy to persevere with getting her to sleep.

Habbibu that is what I thought I was going to do all along, I think I just really wanted to settle her earlier, but now I've done it with a bottle I'm a bit miffed, I wanted to be able to wean her and look forward to giving her a last snugly feed myself as it didn't quite work out that way with DS.

TiredofYorks Wed 29-Dec-10 22:02:54

Nagoo yes I think knowing she def had a full tummy made it easy to persevere with getting her to sleep.

Habbibu that is what I thought I was going to do all along, I think I just really wanted to settle her earlier, but now I've done it with a bottle I'm a bit miffed, I wanted to be able to wean her and look forward to giving her a last snugly feed myself as it didn't quite work out that way with DS.

StarlightWonderStarlightBright Wed 29-Dec-10 22:07:53

When you feed with a bottle, you can squeeze that little bit more milk into them despite their apetite saying they are full, so they may go for longer before the next feed.

17 weeks however, is a really bad time to be trying to do this, because it is the time that they are entering the regression to newborn hell and REALLY important for your supply that you feed on demand otherwise you could end up demented with having to do even more breastfeeds with the bottle than you would without the bottle iyswim.

It's a bit complicated the way that it works but best to sort out the sleep thing once this phase has come and gone.

TruthSweet Wed 29-Dec-10 22:17:17

Can I ask why your DD needs to go to bed earlier and independently?

She is only 17w old and if she wants to be with you why fight it? If you can only settle her by bfing, then giving 6oz of EBM, and then her having to cry for 45 mins she probably isn't ready to go to sleep then -if she was she'd do it with just a bfeed with perhaps just a whinge of a few seconds before settling.

Your instinct in wanting to keep bfing her seems to be the correct one and in your shoes I would keep listening to it. I hope this doesn't sound harsh but it is quite upsetting to read how conflicted you are over bottle feeding when you don't need to be (unless you absolutely need DD to go to sleep at Xpm for what ever reason).

TiredofYorks Thu 30-Dec-10 00:45:26

I don't know why I have this issue of her not being in bed before 9pm, I suppose because DS was, but he was mixed fed and slept much better anyway.

I know she will need to be in bed before then I just don't know the best time to do it. The last few days she's been screaming when I put her to the breast and I put it down to her being over tired (we've been away and so I put her in her car seat at 7.30 and she went straight off for a sleep, just for half an hour) last night she slept from 8pm until just now whereas she'd been feeding from me very few hours the previous nights.

Some days I tell myself to go with the flow and things will change when she's weaned and other days I convince myself that a top up bottle will give us both more sleep, but that does sort of feel like I'm forcing the issue.

TiredofYorks Thu 30-Dec-10 00:45:27

I don't know why I have this issue of her not being in bed before 9pm, I suppose because DS was, but he was mixed fed and slept much better anyway.

I know she will need to be in bed before then I just don't know the best time to do it. The last few days she's been screaming when I put her to the breast and I put it down to her being over tired (we've been away and so I put her in her car seat at 7.30 and she went straight off for a sleep, just for half an hour) last night she slept from 8pm until just now whereas she'd been feeding from me very few hours the previous nights.

Some days I tell myself to go with the flow and things will change when she's weaned and other days I convince myself that a top up bottle will give us both more sleep, but that does sort of feel like I'm forcing the issue.

mousesma Thu 30-Dec-10 07:03:11

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting DD to go to bed earlier. It's exhausting looking after a young baby all day and it's OK to want a few hours of baby free time in the evening.

Until about 14 weeks DD would cluster feed from about 6-10pm and be really fussy and cry alot of an evening. I used to take her to bed at 9pm and feed her for an hour plus to get her to sleep. I would then go to sleep myself.

At 14 weeks I was fed up of never having any time to myself so started a sleep routine. DD has a bath at 6 then I take her upstairs and feed her in a dark room until she is drowsy and sing her a lullaby. Once she has been fed I put her in her cot with her dummy in kiss her goodnight and leave her to settle. This takes between 30mins to an hour so she is normally asleep by 7pm.

If she wakes and cries I go back into the room and settle her but I don't turn the lights on or talk to her. DD has now learnt that once she is in bed she is not getting up again and there will be no more games or other fun interaction. I never leave her to cry and will give her a cuddle if she is unhappy but the interaction ends there.

It is made such a huge difference to my stress levels knowing that from 7pm it is baby free time and I can relax for a couple of hours. She still doesn't sleep through and wakes at least twice in the night but I feel much more able to cope now I get those few hours off.

TiredofYorks Thu 30-Dec-10 07:48:02

Mousema, that's why I'd like her to be in bed earlier. I just don't get any time to myself, and at the moment she's up every 2-3 hrs in the night so there's no let up. I'm just not sure I'd get he to sleep by feeding her myself as she's always pulling off and crying in an evening at the month and so won't take a good long feed.

TiredofYorks Thu 30-Dec-10 07:48:06

Mousema, that's why I'd like her to be in bed earlier. I just don't get any time to myself, and at the moment she's up every 2-3 hrs in the night so there's no let up. I'm just not sure I'd get he to sleep by feeding her myself as she's always pulling off and crying in an evening at the month and so won't take a good long feed.

hildathebuilder Thu 30-Dec-10 07:58:26

tired i found if i gave ds a bottle of ebm at 7 ish he'd settle, and I did this from when he was about 13 weeks (which was only 2 corrected as he was 11 weeks early) After a couple of weeks I switched to direct bf which was fine, although he would then go 2.5 to 3 hours rather than 3-4 before waking. It was a godsend to get my evening back and get some hot supper. For me giving the bottle of ebm was the best thing i did and it gave me the confidence to go back to direct bf once the bedtime routine was established. I think it depends what you want and whether you are more confident if you know how much your dd has had but IME the bottle at that time was better for me than direct bf. (I also have no difficulty expressing though so that may help)

TiredofYorks Thu 30-Dec-10 08:02:36

The pulling off and crying has started the last few days which is frustrating.

Also it sounds awful saying I want time to myself but it's more so I can get stuff done as well as having a cup of tea in peace.

BaggedandTagged Thu 30-Dec-10 08:13:18

There is nothing wrong with wanting evenings to yourself.I would go insane if DS was up till 9/10pm every night, and he'd definitely be an only child. As far as I know, babies being in bed at 7pm is pretty normal.

If the EBM works, I'd stick with it but why don't you try a night with a good bf after the bath and see how that goes? You might be surprised. I do a bf after bath at 6pm, then bed for DS and save the big EBF feed (150ml) for the 10pm feed, for which I wake DS. Then I go to bed and that buys me 6-7hrs sleep. DS is 14 wks and weighs 14lbs.

If your baby's not tired at 7pm , maybe look at daytime sleep and try to cut that down a bit.

mousesma Thu 30-Dec-10 17:08:47

If the EBM works and you are able to express enough everyday without too much hastle then why not stick with the EBM. You would still be exclusively breastfeeding even though the delivery mechanism would be a bit different.

Otherwise if you repeat the bedtime routine often enough you should be able to make a connection in your DDs mind that the routine signals time to go to sleep. Good Luck !

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