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breast feeding, no confidence

(24 Posts)
OnlyWantsOne Fri 17-Dec-10 15:55:10

DD is 2 weeks tomorrow

With DD1 i had already introduced a bottle by now, and was only breast feeding in private at home.

DD2 has been exclusively BF, and her weight is back on the up after dropping post birth, problem is - I have 0 confidence breast feeding out of the house and I havent invited people round to see us, incase she needs feeding while they are here - my exp completely eroded my confidence with DD and made me feel disgusting about BF which is why I failed at it last time and why Im so self concious this time.

What can I do?

Also, what can I wear / do to make BF more descreet?

tiktok Fri 17-Dec-10 16:02:03



Practise in front of a mirror with clothing that hides your flesh - a vest top underneath a jumper is a good way of doing this.

You'll prob get some more ideas as this is a common discussion point.

If you just don't feel ok, though, it's fine to say 'I'm just popping upstairs to feed the baby - make yourself a cup of tea.'

lurcherlover Fri 17-Dec-10 16:03:30

Congratulations on your DD and I'm sorry you've no confidence - perhaps more practice will help build it up. Also, ask your mw/hv if there are any breastfeeding groups in your area, or look on the NCT website for one - I bet there is one reasonably near. I go every week with DS and it has really helped improve my confidence.

Have you tried practising in front of a mirror? That will help you see what's on show (probably not a lot). Clothes-wise, I wear shirts if I'm out with a vest underneath - buy a bigger size vest so it's a bit loose. I unbutton the shirt from the top to about half way down, then unhook my bra cup under the vest and push under boob. Position baby over the top of boob, tuck shirt over them then pull vest up. Baby covers nipple even before he's latched on, the shirt covers my belly/other boob and the pulled-up vest covers the top. It works fine for me. There are products you can get to help - search for mamascarf and have a look. And remember you don't have to feed in public view when you're out and about - John Lewis has gorgeous feeding rooms. Boots, Mothercare etc have rooms too, and if you're not near shops like that you could always use a changing room - grab a couple of items, pretend you're trying on then feed baby in the changing room!

If you do feed in public, I bet you won't get any negative comments/reactions - I haven't ever. The only comments I've ever had have been nice ones. You might feel more prepared if you're ready to deal with them though - if anyone stares, stare back - that usually makes them look away quickly! Good luck smile

EauRudolph Fri 17-Dec-10 16:05:28

You could get those apron things that cover everything, that might give you a bit more confidence. It might end up drawing more attention to what you are doing but you wouldn't have to worry about accidental flashing. It depends what bothers you more.

There are other things you can do like-

wear a stretchy vest under a normal top so you can just pull one up and one down. If the vest and top are the same colour then no-one will know you are even BF. You could also have a shawl or muslin square handy for latching and unlatching.

practice in front of a mirror so that you can see what other people are seeing.

Go to a BF group and feed in front of other BF mums (and ask them for tips too!)

I am 31 weeks pregnant and still feeding 2.2 yo DD in public and I have never once had a bad comment, tut or dirty look. A woman once gave me the thumbs up but aside from that I think most people do not even notice. The first few times I was dead nervous but it comes with practice, like anything. Good luck, I'm sure you'll get the confidence you want after a bit of time and practice

PuraVida Fri 17-Dec-10 16:08:36

Well done gor getting this far. I NEVER thought I could bf in public. What gave me condense was a) time - you get so much better at it as time goes on so much easier to latch on discreetly. And b) safety in numbers. I was horrified / amazed / impressed the first time my friend hitched her top down and got on with it and it helped me never look back. So much easier with someone else with you fir the first few times. Not necessarily someone also feeding just a friend.

I always wear a vest under another top and unclip my via and pull the vest down over the booob but the outer top up so only a bit of boob is out between the two

PuraVida Fri 17-Dec-10 16:09:24

Argh awful spelling stupid phone

Udderly Fri 17-Dec-10 16:11:59

Bebe aulait do a breastfeeding cover. I don't have one so can't comment on how good they are http://shop.bebeaulait.com/site/index09
Also I would second the breastfeeding rooms, I am a regular in my local mothercare.
If you don't fancy feeding in front of visitors, don't be afraid to go to a different room.
My boobs now feel like any other body part, like an elbow - I answered the door with my attractively attired in massive nursing bra boobs sticking out of my bfeeding top the other day - the shame!!!

PuraVida Fri 17-Dec-10 16:14:34

And second the other posters about having never experienced any negativity.

You will soon develop a little map of comfy places to feed. A mother and baby room in boots at one end of town. A tucked away bench in a park at the other (nay be nit in this weather!). A friendly cafe where you can sit facing the wall. The library etc. Good luck

Fifilottie Fri 17-Dec-10 16:15:28

I was just like you! I actually never got the confidence and didn't once bf in public for the whole 9 months I did it. I used to only go out between feeds and if people came over I popped upstairs..no one ever minded. I know it is easy to think "why shouldn't I bf publicly", "It is a natural right!!"and people will say this to you too. It is true but if you haven't got the confidence to do it like me I do understand. And remember you wont be bfing forever...godd luck!!

OnlyWantsOne Fri 17-Dec-10 16:22:47

is this sort of thing what i should get

EauRudolph Fri 17-Dec-10 16:25:11

I found nursing vests a PITA really, I could never get the clip undone. I just bought a load of cheap cotton vests from M&S, they are stretchy enough to be pulled down and you only need to pull the other top up high enough for your DD to get to your nipple.

OnlyWantsOne Fri 17-Dec-10 16:30:58

ok, so i need vests and button fronted shirts??

EauRudolph Fri 17-Dec-10 16:32:16

It doesn't have to be front buttoned, I just wore normal T-shirts because you only need one hand then. I think it's just a case of experimenting and see what suits you best.

chibi Fri 17-Dec-10 16:34:40

I fed 2 children for over a year each, and both in public until they no longer fed in the day at a year-ish, and I never once had anybody say anything negative or otherwise

you will be fine

thisisyesterday Fri 17-Dec-10 16:36:26

yep, i hardly ever uyse my proper breastfeeding tops

so much easier with just a strappy vest top and a normal top over it.

pull normal top up, vest top down... and you're covered.

if you live near me i'll come out with you and feed my baby at the same time grin

actually, do you have any breastfeeding groups locally? they're great places for so many reasons. no-one there is going to bat an eyelid when you feed- in fact, they will be expecting you to do it, you might make new friends, you get coffee and biscuits, you have support in case you hit any troubles... can't recommend them enough

thisisyesterday Fri 17-Dec-10 16:36:52

i have never had a negative comment either and i've fed 3 babies now

Porcelain Fri 17-Dec-10 16:37:05

Tucking a muslin under your bra strap is great for hiding upper boob with a pull down top. When I was starting out I used to put DS under it to latch on, then pull it clear of his face. It's also handy for not losing a muslin.

See comedy service station photo [http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs830 .snc4/69080_481158336868_503476868_6944619_4329969 _n.jpg]

Also, when dealing with layers, I do the top layer last and first; so with a jumper and vest I drop my bra cup and pull the vest down under the jumper, then move the jumper last, then if DS comes off to burp or rest, I cover up with the top layer, and at the end also cover up the top layer, then sort my bra etc behind it via the neckline.

Porcelain Fri 17-Dec-10 16:38:41

.snc4/69080_481158336868_503476868_6944619_4329969 _n.jpg arse! link fail

Porcelain Fri 17-Dec-10 16:39:39

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Double link fail

Porcelain Fri 17-Dec-10 16:40:21

Bah, I give up

Cosmosis Fri 17-Dec-10 16:51:28

Second the offer to feed with you somewhere if you're anywhere in Yorkshire.

Shirts and vests are great, or deep v necks where you can just pull it to one side. And think about where you sit, pick a cafe where you can sit in an armchair and face the wall so people can't see.

And also I have never had a bad commment, but I have had lots of lovely ones

Species8472 Fri 17-Dec-10 17:01:51

I found Bravado nursing vests a god-send. Depending on how big-boobed you are they give decent bra support, so you don't need bra as well, outer top goes up, unclip cup of nursing top and hey presto when baby's on no-one sees anything and your tummy's not on show either. I lived in them!

redandyellowandpinkandgreen Fri 17-Dec-10 17:27:18

I felt the same and posted similar here, DS is four weeks. Is there a local breast feeding support group you can go to? I set myself targets, feeding at a friend's house, then at the group, then yesterday fed in M&S cafe! I took my mum for moral support and it was fine, no-one even glanced in our direction.

It does take time to feel comfortable with it but I think you just have to go for it.

MoonUnitAlpha Fri 17-Dec-10 17:40:39

I normally wear a stretchy vest top under a loose top/t-shirt - pull the vest down and the t-shirt up and everything is covered up. Also vest tops under big cardis or shirts. A scarf/pashina/muslin over your shoulder is handy too!

At first I only fed at baby groups, the baby clinic or a breastfeeding group - now at 4 months DS is very quick and I know what I'm going so I'll feed anywhere. Buses, walls, park benches...

Never had anyone say anything to me, and generally no one even notices what you're doing - if anyone does notice then they quickly look away and pretend they haven't!

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