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Remind me I want to keep going, tired of bf

(18 Posts)
AmyFarrahFowler Sun 05-Dec-10 13:56:45

I'm bf DD2, 24 weeks, and have been having a rough time as she has decided that she only wants milk in the night and NOT in the day. I'm exhausted but really wanted to keep going especially after advice on here that it might just be a developmental phase and this too shall pass......

Then earlier I was out with both girls and DD2 needed feeding so I headed into a Starbucks got DD1 sorted with a snack and drink and colouring pens etc etc to keep her occupied and tucked myself discreetly into a corner to bf DD2 (I keep trying in the day even though she doesn't really want it).

All was going swimmingly, she was even latched on and drinking, then a couple came. The woman came to sit at the table next to me but the man said loudly that they would have to sit somewhere else because he wasn't 'sitting next to that' and as he said the 'that' bit he made eye contact with me and nodded towards DD2. They went and sat the other side of the cafe but everyone was looking at me.

I feel gutted, why am I bothering?? I have a DD who seemingly doesn't want boob half the time and I was so embarrassed in the cafe. I feel really tearful about it all, though thats probably tiredness.

Sorry for the rant.

AmyFarrahFowler Sun 05-Dec-10 14:46:59

Ok, well nevermind, that wasn't quite the quick boost of confidence I was looking for grin !

Got to got get them up from naps now

marzipananimal Sun 05-Dec-10 15:11:20

Oh that's awful what a rude man! The feeding sounds really tiring and tough. Have you seen these 'reasons to be proud'? You're doing fantastically for your dd smile

BaronessBomburst Sun 05-Dec-10 15:26:28

What a twat! I'd have asked him if he fancied some extra milk for his latte but that's just me. grin

But look at it this way - if you switch to bottles, you'll still have a DD that only wants to feed at night only now you'll have to get up, go downstairs and prepare the bottle. You'll get even less sleep! Have you tried co-sleeping?

And do you really want to stop in the winter, with the cough, cold, flu season upon us? Your DD is getting all the protection of your immunity to give her the healthiest start.

Have you read 'The Politics of Breastfeeding'? I'll guarantee you'll never look at formula in the same way again!

cardamomginger Sun 05-Dec-10 15:58:12

what an utter swine! dh and i would have been proud to sit next to someone nurturing her child like that. second what baronness says - am ff and the nights are a particularly cold and annoying faff....

toddlerwrangler Sun 05-Dec-10 19:26:38

What an arsehole. You had MORE then done your bit, he had no right to make you feel like that. This is where being a heartless gobshite comes in handy - I would just have shouted at him

No advice I am afraid as I FF after a few weeks as just couldnt hack it, but I am sure others can give you some tips

AmyFarrahFowler Sun 05-Dec-10 19:28:51

Thanks guys, I've always thought that I'd have a witty retort (a la Baroness) for this type of situation (not normally someone who keeps my opinions to myself blush ) but was totally dumbfounded and felt like I let myself down a little by not putting him in his place but I was just totally taken a back.
It just left me feeling like 'why am I even bothering?' if you know what I mean? BF is a wonderful, wonderful thing when its going well, but its god awful when it isn't!

You are of course right, bottles at 1am, 3.30am, 5 am etc etc would be a nightmare. And I am glad that DD is getting my immunity boost. And I know its the best thing I can do for her, but sometimes a bottle looks just so damn attractive. But its almost certainly a case of the grass is always greener I suppose.

Wish I'd kicked that guys ass though (metaphorically of course wink )

KN1979 Sun 05-Dec-10 19:33:19

Arsehole! I was in a meeting the other day and happened to mention to another mother that I had expressed some milk so that I could leave DS at home while I popped in. The man next to me grimaced and said "urgh, thanks for that, not sure we needed to know". This in spite of the fact that the previous month we'd had to listen to an account of his stomach staples splitting (or something similarly disgusting.)

organiccarrotcake Sun 05-Dec-10 20:20:19

"What a twat! I'd have asked him if he fancied some extra milk for his latte but that's just me."


What an absolute arsehole. Ignorant tosser. I have to say that I would have been tempted to unlatch and waggle a boob at him but in reality I think you're right, when you're confronted with it you often can't do or say something. It is SO rare to get such rudeness and what a time to happen

Would he have criticised you for, say, giving your older child fruit instead of a biscuit (oh how YUMMY mummy). Twat.

Aaarrgghh sleep deprivation is horrible. Are you/can you co-sleep? I get far more sleep that way. Timing wise this is a classic for the sleep thing and we have a similar thing chez carrot, but I'm going with it and hanging on. On a positive note my cycles haven't come back with the night feeds and that's a huge bonus!

AmyFarrahFowler Sun 05-Dec-10 20:52:53

Organic I'd love to co-sleep but find the bed isn't big enough for 3 of us and then DH has to sleep on the floor so its not a long term solution! When I've got to breaking point this last week though we did co-sleep a few nights to just give me a chance of sleep.
DH at risk of redundancy so can't afford for him to be going into work tired and making mistakes in case they give him the chop [sad, otherwise I'd make him sleep on the floor more!!

AmyFarrahFowler Sun 05-Dec-10 20:53:28

Sorry, meant sad

organiccarrotcake Sun 05-Dec-10 21:15:02

Crikey, what a lot to deal with

Any chance of getting hold of a side along cot? Freecycle? On the other hand if it's not a long term solution maybe it will just see you through for the next few weeks...

iwasyoungonce Sun 05-Dec-10 21:29:09

He's the one that should be embarrassed, by his shockingly ignorant behaviour.

What on EARTH is offensive about a mother breastfeeding her child? He is a complete TWAT. And probably uptight and shit in bed as well.

I always feel a rush of real admiration and warmth when I see women feeding babies. You are doing a wonderful thing.

I know how tough the nightfeeds are. Do you co-sleep? This made it easier for me personally. Not having to actually get up, or in fact move much!

Sorry, not really any advice, but definitely moral support. Please don't be put off by that fuckwit in Starbucks. He is in the minority, thank god. You are doing the best thing for your DD, and what anybody else thinks of it does not matter one little bit.

iwasyoungonce Sun 05-Dec-10 21:29:46

Sorry, x-post on the co-sleeping question!

AllSheepareWhite Sun 05-Dec-10 21:59:57

Firstly ignore the ignorant twat from Starbucks as everyone else has said, you should not feel embarrassed or ashamed about giving your child the best start in life by breastfeeding. I am waiting for some idiot to try that with me, DD is nearly 18 months and doesn't normally feed in the day, but if she really needed it I would get them out straight away and beware anyone who tried to tell me something angry!
Secondly, I have been there so many times you are not alone, DD is a reverse cycle feeder, has been since I went back to work when she was 7 months old. It is really tough, but it does seem to increase for short periods and then reduce again. I have found that the night feeds increase around teething times, growth spurts or when sick (especially with a cold as they get dehydrated by mouth breathing). Have you got any signs of teething that could be the cause? When the night feeds are every two hours I go and sleep in the spare single bed with her so DH can get some rest or vice versa. Have you got a single mattress that you can use on the floor temporarily, you can put it against a wall and feed lying down so you can sleep and feed at the same time. Or like others have suggested a bedside cot if you have the finances see here for an example. Alternatively you could line up your cot with the side on the middle mattress setting and see whether it lines up with yours then remove the drop side if your cot will allow it.
Breastfeeding is so much less hassle than bottle and you will develop ways to get back to sleep faster after a feed plus DD will get faster at feeding as she gets older. It does get so much easier believe me.

AmyFarrahFowler Sun 05-Dec-10 22:27:15

Allsheep thanks so much for the advice, we do have a single mattress actually so maybe I could try that, I hadn't thought of that.

Her cot doesn't have different height setting, 'tis just a cheapy. DD1's cot does but we'd need to switch them round and I don't want to disturb DD1's sleep and have them both up in the night! <makes mental note that should have had a bigger age gap...>

When you said "I would get them out straight away and beware anyone who tried to tell me something" thats what I always thought about me but this guy left me speechless! Maybe I'm more of a soft pussycat than the lion I always thought I was!!

Petsville Sun 05-Dec-10 23:56:13

Firstly apologies for 'borrowing' my wife's moniker but I saw this thread and couldn't help wanting to give a message of support. No ordinary mortal ever has the right words at times like that (I always think of just what I ought to have said 5 minutes too late - at the time I am merely incoherently angry).

Actually there is a kind of perverse pleasure one can get out of idiots like that - we have got quite blaze at taking our DS out to restaurants and, since ours is incurably nosey, a standard ploy to quiet him, is to take him on a tour of the restaurant (he particularly likes Bars - oh dear). On one occasion in the cafe Anglais the expression on the face of two diners at the bar was a joy to behold. Actually DS was perfectly polite and passed no comment - very forbearing I thought - I don't know what they were afraid of - drool in their Oysters perhaps.

Sorry can't give any really useful advice, may be forced into requesting it ourselves as DS has (after months of very reasonable night time behavior) just started waking and demanding every few hours (or even less) - hopefully just response to a cold but we are dangerously close to the dreaded 4 month growth spurt of which one hears such worrying tales.

BongoWinslow Mon 06-Dec-10 00:11:32

Utter utter twat.

'probably uptight and shit in bed as well' seconded!

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