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how do i bf dd2 on demand and look after dd1?

(26 Posts)
familyfun Thu 02-Dec-10 20:05:59

advice needed please.
dd1 is 3.4 and at nursery school 3 hrs a day.
dd2 is 2 weeks old and bf on demand which i want to continue. dp is on paternity leave and been doing the school run.
dp goes back to work next week and i have no idea how i will get dd1 dressed, fed and to nursery on time when dd2 is still bf frequently and often possets a bit so cant be put straight down after a feed.
school is a 10 min walk.
dd1 still needs some help getting dressed etc.
i know this is probably a silly question as people cope with far more children, but with dd1 i just stayed in and fed as needed.

SlightlyTubbyHali Thu 02-Dec-10 20:10:20

You'll manage! Firstly, you won't be quite as quick to pick up DD2 as you were with DD1, but that's okay.

It's only 10 minutes to nursery - the baby may cry through this (mine both hated the pram to start with) but will get used to it.

When you feed the baby, get your older DD to bring you a book or the TV remote and remember that Ceebeebies is your friend (as are DVDs).

Put DD2 in a bouncy chair or in her car seat for a few minutes after feeds. That'll give you free hands to get DD1 dressed.

DD2 will very quickly start to love watching her big sister and will just "fit in" around what needs to be done.

Don't worry too much about being on time - it doesn't matter if you're 15 mins late for nursery.

SlightlyTubbyHali Thu 02-Dec-10 20:11:27

Oh, and congratulations!

MoonUnitAlpha Thu 02-Dec-10 20:11:30

Although you're feeding on demand, could you offer when convenient? So offer DD2 a feed just before DD1 gets up, or just before the nursery run.

familyfun Thu 02-Dec-10 20:17:56

i have walked to the school with dd2 once and she was happy in the pram and fell asleep, but i have only managed to go once with dp and dd1 as all the other days dd2 was in the middle of a feed or filled her nappy or i just couldnt get ready in time, pathetic i know grin
will have to try waking her and offering a feed before the school run i think although while feeding and then holding and then putting her ina snowsuit/pram i have no idea how dd1 will get washed/dressed/coat on etc. she can do most things herself but needs encouraging/monitoring or she gets distracted.
think you are right, we may be late a lot.
unfortuantely she has parties/pantos/plays next week and wont want to miss them.

strawberrylace Fri 03-Dec-10 21:23:09

the way i manage it is to think what time i need to leave the house and work backwards from there, so i have a little timetable in my head of what needs doing and when...

i have a ds1 who's 3.2 and 6 wk old twins, so it feels like a military operation. i try and make sure that i've finished feeding the twins by 7.30am so that leaves me an hour to sort out me and ds1 with showers (me), breakfast (him) & getting everyone dressed and out. i have allowed myself 10mins 'slippage' time between getting ready and getting out of the door.

in practice this can mean - cutting the twins early feed a bit short, but then they get a longer one when home from nursery; having my breakfast when i'm home & feeding them; lots of chivvying of DS1; ignoring any dirty nappies till i get back (poor twins don't get the same high level of immediate picking up, feeding and changing that DS1 got! but they are fine, and happy feeders.)

it would be easier if i waited to havea shower, but its the only thing that gets me awake enough to function. it also helps to set clocks 5 mins fast...

oh, and by the time i've got home, and and changed the twins it's almost time to go out to pick up DS1!

good luck!

Skimty Fri 03-Dec-10 22:11:19

Lots of organising night before and routine.

I have a 4 year old DS, a 2 year old DD and a 7 week old DS. Nobody is allowed downstairs in the morning for breakfast unless dressed. We get ready in the main when DH is here (early because he leaves at 7.15am) so that all that's left is shoes and coat. That way i can concentrate on feeding DS.

ChocolateCalculator Fri 03-Dec-10 22:24:26

I have DS1 23 months and DS2 who is 14 weeks. I have kept DS1 at the childminder a couple of days a week and on those days I have found the key is to be really organised the night before, getting out breakfast things, laying out clothes etc. I generally try and offer a feed when it is convenient to me, so before going out for a bit and while DS1 is absorbed in something. I have also managed to get the knack of feeding whilst standing up and doing other stuff, although that is getting harder as DS2 gets heavier.

I would also agree that I am nowhere near as prompt in dealing with DS2's needs, and if they are both demanding my attention I tend to deal with DS1 first. It doesn't seem to have done DS2 any harm though.

Congratulations on the new baby btw.

Rindercella Fri 03-Dec-10 22:28:37

Exactly what SlightyTubby said, including the congratulations smile

AngelDog Sat 04-Dec-10 08:48:42

A soft sling is your friend. One you can feed in will allow you to feed DD2 while organising DD1 / walking to places etc, and even if you're not able to feed, DD2 will be happier to wait slightly for a feed if she's on you rather than in a chair / pram. The sling board on here is a good place to start for recommendations.

Offering when convenient for you is fine too, and of course you can stop a feed if you need to, and resume it as soon as you can later.

familyfun Wed 08-Dec-10 21:20:09

well today is my first solo day, managed to get me and dd up and dressed and get dds milk and breakfast sorted before dd2 woke so i could change and feed her in piece.

sorted lunch early so could get it fom the fridge when dd1 was hungry.

dd2 fell asleep in the pram on both school trips despite the freezing weather and me slipping everywhere.

only problem was after each school run dd2 stayed asleep for a few hours so had very little awake time all day.

had to eat my dinner warmed up as dd2 needed feeding, then she has pood and fed ever since.

i managed to shower me and dd1 with dd2 in the bathroom in her moses but then dd2 was screaming while i read dd1 a quick story and had to leave her without a song or any quiet time.

fed and changed dd2 again and could hear dd1 crying upstairs so hd to leave dd2 to see to dd1 again and settleher, felt like i was always letting one of them down and dd2 has slept all day so will probably be awake in the night.


firstforthought Thu 09-Dec-10 00:02:57

Am very happy that DD has nursery in the afternoon! They asked if I would like to change for morning slot- no thanks!
Familyfun my DS is 6 wks and BF. I have no choice but to wake him in advance of needing to leave then feed and change he usually goes back off in the pram on the nursery run anyway.
You will be fine

thecaptaincrocfamily Thu 09-Dec-10 00:12:09

Try to get dd1 and you up and dressed before DH goes to work, give dd1 breakfast while feeding dd2 and eating toast or something yourself then dress/change dd2 just 10-15mins before leaving house for school.

thecaptaincrocfamily Thu 09-Dec-10 00:14:20

It does calm down, can you cuddle both dd1 and 2 for a story before bed and sing to both at same time?

SlightlyTubbyHali Thu 09-Dec-10 09:58:37

FF- I used to take DD2 into DD1's room with me and feed her (to keep her quiet really) while I read DD1 a bedtime story. She only tolerated it for a couple of weeks and then I just used to leave her in her basket yowling for 10 mins while I settled DD1.

You're not letting either of them down. This is the problem with being very responsive when you have your first child - it is virtually impossible to maintain that standard when you have 2 of them! It doesn't hurt children to have to wait a few minutes for their turn (in fact it is a lesson for life) and if they were twins or numbers 3 or 4, having to wait sometimes would be the norm.

Sounds like you're doing fine. Well done on managing a shower - I used to only get one when DH was home!

putthekettleon Thu 09-Dec-10 10:33:30

I remember those early days, it gets easier - I have DD1 2.7 and DD2 5 months - now I love preschool days as DD2 falls asleep on the way home and I get 2 hours of peace before I wake her up for a quick feed, then off to get DD1 again.

Can your DH give DD1 breakfast and get her dressed before he leaves in the morning? Otherwise you will quickly find that DD2 gets used to being put down - I often put DD2 on DD1's bed surrounded by toys and with DD1's lullaby nightlight on while I'm getting DD1 dressed, it seems to keep her happy.

And sometimes you will have moments when one or both is crying - for me it's usually when I realise we're late and I'm trying to wedge DD1 into her wellies while simultaneously wrestling DD2 into her snowsuit and they're both screaming... but once we're out of the house and walking down the street (and DD1 is bribed into submission) everything is fine again!

However I'm about to start weaning DD2 and have no idea where I'm going to fit in her breakfast on top of everything else confused

familyfun Sun 12-Dec-10 22:58:28

thanks all, dp leaves for work at 6.40 so cant really help in the mornings.
unfortunately dd1 is ill, stomach upset and temp of 40C, had her on sofa all day with regular nurofen and calpol bringing her down to 38.5C so there will be no school runs till she is better.
dd2 seems fine at being woken changed and fed when i need to go out so no probs there and she loves the pram so im lucky so far.
just bedtime hard work when im alone.

whatagradeA Sun 12-Dec-10 23:03:48

I definitely agree with angeldog about getting a sling. Then DD2'll be upright so you don't have to worry about laying her down after a feed.

Also agree with having them together for story and bedtime. A feed should keep DD2 quiet for a few minutes and you won't be rushing away from DD1.

It does get easier smile

whatagradeA Sun 12-Dec-10 23:05:19

Oh and congratulation on new baby and I hope DD1 feels better soon!

familyfun Tue 14-Dec-10 14:55:38

thanks, i will try taking dd2 in for stories next time but there is no chair in there so its awkward.
dd1 a bit better smile

CamperFan Tue 14-Dec-10 15:07:32

i am the same except DS2 is 7 weeks old now. you would have thought i would be used to it by now but have had a combo of mums staying to help, dh working from home alot and DS1 staying home unwell so haven't actually had to do it with both that often. when we have, we are v late! all depends on what sort of night we have had. definitely get organized the night before and have a bath/wash hair so you don't feel too unwashed without a shower!

At bedtime i have found that after being fed, ds2 loves lying on DS1's bed, listening to stories. I then take him upstairs to settle while DS1 waits with his books "like a big boy", and then come back down and say good night to him.

neverquitesure Tue 14-Dec-10 16:43:47

Lots of great advice here - I'll second the recommendations for offering the morning feed early and using a soft sling (I use a Moby) which will give you both hands free, keep her upright after feeds and keep her happy if you need to stretch the time between feeds a little. They can be a bit of a faff to tie at first so I'd recommend wearing it under your coat on the nursery run. Nice and easy to pick her out of the pram and pop her in it if she gets grumpy midway.

I have an 18 month gap and wondered how I'd make our morning activities (or make it out the house at all!) especially since DH only managed to take 1 week off after the birth. You really will surprise yourself by how well you'll cope though and once you've done it a few times it'll become second nature. Yes, there were a few times we returned home stressed and fatigued with wailing baby in tow but surprisingly rarely and with no ill effects.

I also had to do the bedtime routine alone most nights, again it turned out to be no biggie.

It's a bit of a military manoeuvre now, but you'll soon be relaxing and having fun with it all.

MummyElk Tue 14-Dec-10 17:26:26

completely agree with the sling advice, not sure how i'd have got through the last 9 months without mine! Plus second time around it goes so quickly, it's so lovely to have them snuggled up to you smile

and it will get easier, getting up and out will become better every day.... And bedtimes can become a special time for the three of you, we read stories together and now DD2 is older she loves listening to DD1 trying to read to her...

and hey - just as you think you've nailed it - it'll be time to wean grin

congratulations, tis much fun

bgt Tue 14-Dec-10 17:26:31

My dh is 5 weeks old and has weight issues since birth, she lost up to 12% of her birth weight so we breast fed her and topped her up with expressed or breast milk. Last week she went up to birth weight so i have dropped the top ups. During the day she is fine but come after 6pm she is constantly feeding and getting fussy at the breast and frustrated. I think maybe my supply is low in the evening. I cant figure out whether she is hungry or if she has colic as she is crying from around 8pm - 12pm. She calms down when I put her on the breast but that could be because she is suckling which may help with the colic. I am having trouble telling the cue for hunger or pain....anyone help! I was evening thinking about giving her formula for her last feed.

bgt Tue 14-Dec-10 17:29:14

sorry the above posted has been posted in wrong section

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