How much does your DH/DP know about breastfeeding?(34 Posts)
Something that happened recently made me realise how little DP knows about the technicalities and physiology of breastfeeding. On the whole until an incident the other week [prompted by his mother, natch] he's been very supportive but it's been viewed as entirely "my department".
How much does your significant other understand, and do you think it has an impact on how supportive they are?
I thought he was reasonably clued up, but with ds2, I had to stop him "helping" by trying to shove ds2's head on my boob FFS
More then me in the beginning, he took notes in the breastfeeding classes while I just gossiped with my friend.
It definitely made him very supportive of me.
Mine is amazing but probably knows less about the physical than I realise. He is aware of things such as skin to skin helping, stress not helping, needing to eat properly and get sleep and also knows it's important not to mess with the system of supply and demand. So actually, he is great.
At the hospital, he was probably more aware than the midwives who kept making me stressed and trying to manipulate me!
My DH is amazingly knowledgable <preen>
Knows a reasonable amount about the hormones and physiology. He's a pharmacy manager (not a pharmacist) and has learnt a bit from training about mastitis etc.
DH was a godsend when DS was born (our 2nd) - was having major trouble with latch. Had help in hospital from feeding coordinator and DH watched how she was latching him on, and when we took DS home DH was actually latching DS onto my boob for me
He's also picked up a lot from when I did my BFing peer supporter course as he happily listened to me withering on about it
DH is really clued up - I read him snippets from MN like 'a mum's been told she can't take drug X whilst bfing' DH's response 'Has she checked Hale's Medications and Mothers' Milk yet or better yet has he Dr?', or from my BFPS life 'I met a mum today who's MIL had told her that she's over feeding her baby as she's feeding every 2 hours' DH - 'she's feeding on demand though? Not a schedule I hope. The MIL doesn't understand supply and demand then!!' (Totally paraphrased to protect the innocent). He made me recycle SWMNBN rather than charity shop my copy because he was so aghast at the mis-information in there.
DH saved my bfing with DD2 (along with Jack Newman) as he watched the vidoes with me a stupid o'clock and helped me latch on DD2. He also helped me tandem nurse DD1 & DD2 (got my boob out of my bra) as I had my hands full. He said men who think bfing is sexy obviously have never helped their wives bfeed
He's my biggest supporter and is really good at knowing when to give Drs the evil eye. He also got me through PND-OCD when I couldn't physically feed DD1/DD2 without trying to vomit. He knew I need to carry on so in a very kind way each time he strongly encouraged me to feed.
Can you tell I'm proud of him?
dp knows far more than he wants to, from listening to me banging on about it! lol
but no, he was always very supportive, even with our first ds when neither of us knew anything at all aboiut breastfeeding
Mine knows loads - proably as much as I do. I don't think I could have done it without him when I was having problems feeding my first baby. He's even chatted to a bloke in his office about it - the wife had recently had a baby and was having problems breastfeeding.
If I'd not had any problems and breastfed easily like my second then I'd imagine he wouldn't know half as much though.
Loads because I bang on about it.
He was always desperate for a rude comment so he could lecture somebody about it. He contents himself with offering wisdom to female colleagues/male colleagues with bfing wives.
Not in a scary way mind. More 'oh have you seen kellymom, there's lots of info there about xyz'. He knows the myths inside out.
Lots - I bang on about it too.
When DS was ill and didn't want a feed, DH's first reaction was 'Is he on nursing strike?' You could tell I'd been relaying stories from MN/Kellymom.
He's only gradually understood more about it, though, and although he was supportive at first, he has definitely become more supportive as he's understood more about it.
But I doubt he'd go as far as advising colleagues though.
TruthSweet, that's lovely.
My DH is very passionate about breastfeeding, and very knowledgeable.
I have had to physically restrain him from posting on here in the past.
A particular trigger is women who have been pressured into giving formula in bottles so their partners can feed the baby.
Don't get him started...
It was very arduous explaining about cluster feeds etc. and how it really was normal and necessary to feed for 3 hours non stop in order to build up supply. He still doesn't really get it.
I think he secretly thinks I breastfeed just because I want to show off because noone else does. He does tend to think that all problems re: sleeping, wind etc. could be solved if only we gave DD formula.
My DH knows the theory, knows it can be hard but like anything to do with babies I think he will learn more once I start doing it. The Classes we had weren't that great at teaching either of us to be honest.
He is very passionate about a woman's right to feed wherever they like though.
Nothing much I don't think but we don't really discuss breastfeeding, I just do it. He's been totally on board with me breastfeeding all 3 and I've never heard a murmur of discontent abot it. But I have been very lucky and have encountered very few problems so breastfeeding is just a non-issue really.
He didn't know much but is more than happy to listen if I will educate him.
We recently talked about how he would feel about me breastfeeding past six months and he said he felt fine with it as WHO recommends breastfeeding up until 2 at least.
He must have looked it up all by himself as it's not something I've ever told him.
Quite a lot. He came to most of the NCT classes with me, and also the free one-off NHS one we did. He also read up a little.
Plus our best man and another one of DH's best mates both had small babies whilst I was pregnant. He went out for manly chats with both of them....and I am really grateful for the fab advice they gave him. Advice was along the lines of 'they don't break....get stuck in and do your bit straight away.' (Hence DH doing dds first ever nappy change and bath whilst I relaxed..) They also said 'bf can be really hard on your DW. You need to do EVERYTHING else so she can sit on the sofa and get it right. (Hence piles of magazines, drinks and snacks plus TV remote always waiting for me...and DH doing all the housework!)
He knows sweet FA and doesn't listen to a word I tell him so hasn't retained any of the educational pearls of wisdom I have imparted.
What annoys me more is the fact that my mum and gran know/ care even less than DH does.
Notyummy, can I please borrow your DH as a kind of male doula for my DH when I have my next DC please?
Naff all really. He thinks I use it as an excuse for eating excessive amounts of chocolate, which is in part true . He is supportive in that he is pro-breastfeeding, though.
I never thought of that Feral - perhaps there's a business opportunity in taking Dhs/DPs down the pub and imparting 'off the cuff' matey advice?!
YYY! Brilliant idea notyummy. My DH really needs some pointers and has selective deafness where I am concerned.
same here, dh is very supportive but it is completely my department. all he cares about is that dd gets the best nutrition she can.
DH fed DD first in the hospital as she went up to the babycare unit after about 5 minutes with me and was on antibiotics/ FF the first 3 days. It took a while to get BF established and DH was mostly helpful but occasionally suggesting formula.
Up to when she was about 11-12 weeks when he suddenly mutinied and declared he'd really like to help feed her. I was going back to work so having to start expressing. Anyway, he got to feed her and, frankly, balls up the first one really badly. He contorted himself round on the sofa to try and get her into anything like the right position and was asking for cushions/ advice on how on earth you get her to stay still. DD was shouting at him a bit too as he hadn't got much of a move on to get the bottle ready for her so that was getting him flustered too. Lots of "how do you know when she's finished" etc. etc.. After that little episode where it was brought home to him quite forcefully that feeding the baby wasn't some sort of easy-peasy cuddle thing he's been really loads more helpful. I pointed him at KellyMom and he is now excellent with her- they have a great list on how to bottlefeed a BF baby and he picked up loads of other info on there for himself.
Just because you're BF doesn't mean DH can't do a feed or two. With all the pumping for the Kindergarden, he gets to do about 4-5 feeds a week and really enjoys it.
A fair bit considering that before I git pg he was clueless and fairly anti - it was completely out of his experience and comfort zone. NOw he's my biggest supporter and encourager and thinks it's lovely, and says nice things about how clever I am for building a baby both inside me and outside me! That sounds totally soppy but is a lovely thing to hear at 2am when you just want to sleep!
DH knows loads - as much as I do - and is very supportive. Did lots of helping me check DS's latch etc. in the early days (I have huge boobs so couldn't easily see what was going on by myself ), as well as bringing me food and drinks while I was feeding, and helped me keep going through the first few weeks when I was miserable and desperate to give up. I think he's also sneakily read a few threads on here!
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