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hitting a wall-feel like packing it in

(28 Posts)
thesecondcoming Mon 01-Nov-10 22:29:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shallishanti Mon 01-Nov-10 22:33:55

You have done a fantastic job giving your son the best thing in the world hang on in there will he doze in bed with you?
and have you blacked out your dds bedroom?

thesecondcoming Mon 01-Nov-10 22:38:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotQuiteCockney Mon 01-Nov-10 22:53:03

God, that sounds really exhausting, no wonder you're fed up!

It sounds like you're feeding him really well.

I don't know what to say about the bottles, I'm assuming you've tried all the tricks, of having someone else give it to him, trying an open cup? They do sippy cups from 4 months, I think, some babies will take milk from those ...

Lying down with him, if it's an option for you, might get you some sleep, as Shallishanti says.

The nails sound like a real nightmare - cutting them makes them more sharp, ime. What happens if you file them?

IME, weight and eating issues are strongly affected by sleep issues. Once you start getting more sleep (which will happen!) your weight will settle down.

Oh, and you might do well to call one of the BF helplines ... a good chat with someone sympathetic might do you a world of good.

Shallishanti Mon 01-Nov-10 22:54:49

sorry I'm sure someone will have better advice than me re the evening feeds
can you nap after she's gone to school? this won't go on forever, it just feels like it

thesecondcoming Mon 01-Nov-10 23:24:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rubyslippers Mon 01-Nov-10 23:30:01

Cluster feeding will stop soon

My DD slowed down from around this age and then stopped

It is exhausting and my DD also cluster fed between 4 and 9 pm just when I needed to get DS bathed, fed and into bed.

DD never took a bottle - I gave up in the end and by the time she was a little older I could feed her and leave her for around 3 hours so in could feed and then go out

At around 14 weeks DD went a little bit crazy and fed all the time as she hit the 4 month growth spurt ... It will get better

The hardest part is nearly over but it feels endless

Heathcliffscathy Mon 01-Nov-10 23:33:08

well done. you're doing so well.

key might be to get him to cluster feed earlier? stick him on straight after lunchtime nap? probably ridiculous advice...

gaelicsheep Mon 01-Nov-10 23:42:43

Is it just me, or does the hard part get longer and longer? The first 2 weeks, the first 6 weeks, the first 3 months, etc. etc. Let's be honest, it's all blardy hard isn't it?

thesecondcoming - huge sympathies, especially on the razer nails front. Has he grabbed your nipple with them yet?

ClimberChick Tue 02-Nov-10 01:18:49

I think we all hit walls from time to time. You have done brilliantly and cleaning up a chaotic house is prime DH's territory. They need something to do if they're main time at home is when DCs are asleep.

I tell myself that parenting is full of walls regardless, it's the details that differ.

What does throw people is that is a nice honeymoon period (as there is sleep) which sets you for a fall. I thought I was going to give BF direct months 3 and 4, (after having enjoyed weeks 6-10), but she really did just click again one day.

hope things get better for you soon

ayjayjay Tue 02-Nov-10 07:23:43

nope gaelicsheep you're right the hard part does get longer and longer. It's bloody dispiriting to get to the promised milestone everytime only to find the goalposts have moved and there is a whole new set of problems.

OP no advice as such I'm afraid just sympathy, I also have a decolletage covered with scabs at the moment from DD(16 weeks razor claws). DD has also started being really fussy at the breast from 12-3pm and pulls on and off and crys constantly making her impossible to feed. So I'm considering moving to 2/3 bottles of FF a day instead of 1 nighttime one.

What bottles have you tried? I use Tommee Tippee closer to nature which are a similar shape to a breast so DD finds easy to use. Do you have friends who are bottle feeding? Can you borrow some bottles from them so you can experiment with different types?
Also I'm sure you've already tried this but apparently it's easier to get someone else to give a bottle rather than yourself. I've also read on these boards that people have had success by placing the bottle under their arm so baby can be feed in cradle hold and be fooled into thinking it's a nipple.

We've started giving a bottle of FF at 7pm each night. It doesn't make DD sleep longer but it does knock her out and make her sleep more soundly (if only to 1/2 ish). Getting my evenings back and knowing that I can have a couple of hours where I am guaranteed not to be interupted by DD has been invaluable to my sanity. If you can get DD to accept a bottle maybe you could give her a bottle of EBM at 7ish to encourage her to sleep?

bedlambeast Tue 02-Nov-10 08:22:40

Message withdrawn

BananaSundae Tue 02-Nov-10 10:51:11

When feeding my DD (now 7 months) I usually give her a small cuddly toy to play with using her free hand. Keeps her distracted and stops her trying to tear my face off

Bumperlicious Tue 02-Nov-10 22:26:46

Can you do under arm swaddling to stop the scratching?

Have you tried cups for feeding like a doidy cup?

I do sympathise. We are on day 3 of constant feeding. I also know the feeling about the other dcs. I'm so knackered I have no patience for dd1 at all.

thesecondcoming Fri 05-Nov-10 10:03:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LooL00 Fri 05-Nov-10 12:57:56

Hve you tried a bottle first thing in the morning? It's the only time of day that he's going to be def hungry. I did this with dc2 (at 9 0r 10 months) after faffing about buying every fancy teat under the sun and every type of cup too and she guzzled a whole bottle. The problem is that the am feed is not one that you want them to drop....

I was feeling fat and p**sed of when dc3 was 14w, she's now 18w and I've resigned myself to the next 2 months of bf and am planning some serious dinners for her at 6m.

Franup Fri 05-Nov-10 13:33:31

Bedtime routine, my only bit of routine with a bf baby, if you stick with it, you may well get somewhere. If he is unsettled and very resistant to bedtime thing, consider reflux as sometimes refluxy babies drink and drink and drink for comfort - he is massive by the sounds of it.

I have 3 and my third was born when my eldest were 2 and 4.5 (son one toddler, one at school) so yep I do understand it, and third was a night-mare.

Basic bedtime routine was, demand feed in the day, even if it is 1.5-2 hourly. Make sure they have a sleep every 2 hours in the day, do what you need to do to get them to nap, so cot, car, pram, sling, bouncy chair (sort daytime sleeps at about 6ms). DO NOT let baby sleep after 4.00pm, even if they are grizzly.

Then bed bit, up to bath at about 5.00/5.30pm feed before the bath, into bath, then take baby into a darkened room (I literally had the room dimly lit ready and waiting as I am so anal about it). Into 'bed' clothes and baby sleeping bag. Then feed, preferably 2 boobs. Into cot by about 6.30pm - yes really, babies are tired between 6-7pm.

All feeds afer this point to be done upstairs with him immediately returned to bed. No going down with him, watching TV over head, etc. Be religious about this for a few weeks until you 'set' it.

Worked for me 3 times and cannot emphasise the need to stuff'em in the day.

tanmu82 Fri 05-Nov-10 15:27:32

I feel your pain. My dd2 is 9 days old, and despite feeding on demand, she has yet to regain her birth weight. In fact, she hasn't gained at all since the initial loss, and I have just been told by the HV that I need to top her up after every feed with wither EBM, or formula if my supply is low. I also need to express 6 times a day to keep my supply up. With 2 other DC's (DS 7, DD1 6), I feel like I have no time for them as it is! Why is it so hard to do the 'natural' thing?! And I had a cry already about feeling like a failure because my baby is not gaining weight and I need to give her formula.......

As it is, she cluster feeds from around 7pm - and last night finally fell asleep around midnight, only to wake again at 2:30 for another feed. My nipples are sore because she fights at the breast, pulling off then wanting to reattach immediately.....I'm exhausted and tearful sad

Hermya321 Fri 05-Nov-10 20:10:12

franup When did you start this routine?

Franup Fri 05-Nov-10 23:15:07

Tanmu82, with dd1 from about 6 weeksish, when it sort of penetrated my befuddled brain that when she woke up screaming in the baby chair in the evening, it was because she wanted to be in a darkened room not in a room with TV on, lights on, us chatting.

Dd2 I started about 2 weeks in as I decided not to see if she was the unsettled type, turns out she was really calm, but hey ho it still worked,

DS, my third, I was doing it pretty much from the start! He was also unsettled but from early on his best sleep of the day was the one he did of an evening.

proviso, if this is your first baby and you and baby are happy being downstairs together in the evening, do continue!

LooL00 Sat 06-Nov-10 10:13:26

All 3 of mine have gone to bed at 7 from about 2w at the most. dc3 (4m) took to it really well but now cluster feeds from 4 til 6.30 which is pretty tough with dc aged 4 and 5 years just home from school and wanting attention. The only routine she really has is going to bed at 7 and always being fed when i leave the house whether hungry or not.

thisisyesterday Sat 06-Nov-10 10:18:04

ok. why do you need to leave him? he's still very tiny and i am sure in a few months you will be able to go out without worrying so much

why are you expressing and chucking it? why not freeze it to use later?

cluster feeding is giving you him sleeping through. so be thankful for it! i know it's hard work, but honestly, it's for such a short period of time. a few months... out of your whole life.

if he scratches move his hand. put mittens on him. hold onto his hands. you don't have to let him do it

instead of both of you staying up with him until 1am one of you should get some sleep.
either dp goes to bed, then takes care of toddler in the morning while you get a lie in
or, he has a go at soothing the baby to allow you to get some rest.
it's silly both of you staying up all night and then being tired in the morning (tho i do appreciate that the company is nice!)

ds2 was soooooo liek your little one. it was HIDEOUS to live through. but once we were out the other side i looked back and thought, you know what... we did the right thing. we followed his cues, he is happy, breastfeeding still.. and it wasn't that long in the grand scheme of things

i reckon a bit more sleep and you will find it all easier to deal with

thisisyesterday Sat 06-Nov-10 10:18:32

oooh yes, my other suggestion was co-sleeping? take him to bed with you, you'll soon learn to doze while he feeds and then you;'ll all get more sleep

thesecondcoming Sat 06-Nov-10 23:02:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tanmu82 Sun 07-Nov-10 09:45:12

thesecondcoming - I co-slept with all of mine - DS until about 10 months, DD til about the same and this one already. You DO get tonnes more sleep (even though right now with DD2, tons more means like, 3 hrs in a row) but DD1 (6yrs!) still comes into our room in the wee hours most nights, and DS (7yrs) on occasion. We have a Kingsized bed, but have learned to sleep in the tiniest amount of space possible!

Franup for the last few days, I have fed baby at about 5 ish, then taken her up for a bath, and massage (as much as she'll let me - she screams bloody murder in the bath at the moment!), then another feed. But I still bring her back down to living room (albeit with lights dimmed and other DC's made to keep things low), only because I can't bear to leave her alone upstairs! I think maybe I need to stop being so mushy and start to put her down, even if she only stays down for a little while. It's not long after this that she starts cluster feeding - last night was around 8:30pm until about 11pm. But then she slept until almost 4pm before another hour or so of feeding, then an 8am wake up. I soooo badly needed that sleep!

Sorry, long post - this whole feeding thing is so hard right now and I never have time for anyone/thing else it seems

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