Husband makes me feel rubbish about having no close friends

[yellowpuffafish]

Just that really. I moved to the town where he has always lived and have met some lovely people.

However with a 4, 3, nearly 2 year old and 4 month old I've found it harder to keep in touch with friends. We've just got back into the routine of morning toddler groups but I'm happy for us all to have the afternoon at home as I find it exhausting being out all day with them all. Plus they get tired.

Today when we came back for lunch, he bluntly said we need to start making you some friends. Do you think you'll make any friends with anyone today? He made me feel like the lonely child at school.

Sorry just needed to rant and feeling a bit emotional. And some reassurance it's ok to be sociable out but enjoy time alone too and not have plans all the time.

[Rainycloudyday]

You are honestly a hero for making it out of the house with hour children under four, I am in awe! Sorry I know that’s not the point of the thread but wow I am impressed.

[zinrepus]

I moved to a place where I knew nobody to join up with DH 4 years ago. I have worked with 4 different companies (least time with company just shy of 6 months), sang in a choir for a year, dabbled in some religious communities. All I have to show for it is 2 couples who I would want to invite to anything, plus one additional individual. Lots of people who say "Yes, it'd be fab to meet up" but planning always falls through.

I don't have kids, nor do many of these people. It's impacted my self confidence a lot, which DH (a serious introvert) doesn't understand. I say if you are hapy, roll with it, if you aren't okay with it, try to find other stuff and ask for his support if you need it. It could be that he is feeling guilty that you don't have local folks yet?

[Lasimpson]

Leave him alone with the kids for a couple of days attempting to get them all out the house and on schedule that'll give him some perspective

[Teddybear45]

Easy for him to say as he’s living in his home town. If you moved to yours lets see how many friends he makes then.

[FudgeMallowDelight]

Blimey talk about laying on the pressure. Agree you're a hero getting them all out the door and supervising them, let alone you having to network too. Tell him to chill.

[givemeabreak1]

Yeh, ask him to take care of the children some day so u can go make friends.

[nasir786]

Don't blame yourself you have alot on your plate I know it's not easy to make new friends or in this day age keep up with the old friends just try your best sometimes going out shopping park restaurant you meet new people sometimes kids make it easier they make friends and you can make friends with their parent

[ChatWithMe]

Grrr/cringe. Why do others feel the need to dictate what one needs to be normal? If you are happy with your level of socialising (which is great under the circumstances!) then he needs to mind his own business!

Sorry rant over hehe x

[Fudgenugget]

I have social anxiety and although I get on with most people, I never let anyone get close enough to be friends. I also am prone to anxiety and depression.

I get on better with males than females. A male colleague seemed to want to be a friend rather than just a colleague (I am terrible at reading cues) and I did my best to avoid him at all costs! My work is predominantly staffed by males so it suits me, but my boundaries are clear!

I prefer my own company. I spend a lot of my time with DD and DH, but if they are out, I am alone. I like being able decide for myself what I want to do. I'm selfish. I think it's to do with my upbringing and also because I had a lot of failed friendships in my late teens, where people used me.

DH is also one for telling me I should make some friends. He gets very interested when I talk about people at work that I like, male or female, and badgers me to ask them to go to the pub, or organise a trip or something. I tell him to fuck off and mind his own business. I don't interfere with his friendships! I am not allowed to say they are all dicks! (Imo they are). Just butt out!

By the way, OP, four kids under four...you are amazing.

[Deebroo]

I'll be your friend. You dont always need to see your friends every weekend to still be there friends. Lifes fast and hard.

[getwellsoon]

First of all I have to say you are a hero having four very young children no wonder you are so exhausted. I only had 2 children and I found they pretty much kept me busy Best part of the day was when they were bathed and settled for the night and we all know babies don't always settle. Apart from toddler groups and chats outside the school gates I had no one you could call a real friend in my area, just accquaintences. Your time will come when you go back to work. I made a few really good friends at work, we still meet up for lunch now. I call friends, people you bond with, people you can confide in and share your experiences with. Laugh and cry with. The rest are aquaintances. People seem to live in their own bubble these days, too busy to make much time for others, so its not so easy to make good friends especially if you move to a new area and you seem to be a busy mum. Ask your husband to babysit now and again and join a gym class, or anything you enjoy doing alongside other people. You will soon make new friends who are not necessarily other mums. You may need a break from talking about children anyway, as much as you love them, you need to have some time purely for you and your own interests.

[yellowallpaper]

Your DH is a total arse. Ignore him, you're doing great.

[Wondersense]

He is being very blinkered and actually quite insensitive if he put it like that to you. You're going out, seeing people, and that's fine for now! Close friends will come in time. If you feel satisfied and happy, then this is more about him than you. Does he think that friends = social status? A lot of people do, so it's worth exploring. Does he feel embarrassed that you din't have any close friends? Has anyone mentioned anything to him that has made him project his insecurity onto you? Is he afraid that you're too reliant on hjm?

[Susan1961]

He maybe feels you're a bit isolated, but children grow up quickly, just make the most of being with them, I regret worrying about the cleaning, socialising etc.

[uqueen]

fudgenugget you sound exactly like me, I suffer with social anxiety it's horrible