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Marriage issues

(4 Posts)
Kerry0805 Thu 17-May-18 16:34:24

Hi, I’m looking for a bit of advice. I have been with my now husband 5 years, we had a bit of a whirlwind romance and I got caught pregnant 3 months into our relationship! We now have 2 children and married 2 years ago. We was happy for a while until my husband started being verbally abusive. It’s difficult to understand why I stayed and married him but it wasn’t all bad, we would go through stages of arguing and him calling me name and saying things just to hurt me then he would say sorry and we could be fine for a good while and have a really lovely time together (this made me feel like everything was fine and we was all happy until the next time it started). I think I’ve finally realised how unhappy he has made me, I used to feel like leaving during arguments or straight after but the days that followed he would be so loving and say sorry I didn’t want to leave. But now the feeling of wanting to leave is not going away. I’ve spoken with him and I think it’s hit home, he’s promised me it will never happen again and he will work to change. He got very upset and I felt bad. But I’m starting to feel it’s a little to late, I don’t love him like I used to, I constantly feel on edge and have to think about things before I say them, not knowing what kind of a mood he will come home in and even now he’s fine with me I still feel anxious waiting for the next time. I’m scared of upseting him or making him angry because I find him quite scary during arguments, he’s never hurt me but I’m worried he would. I’m not sure what to do anymore. We have two young children and I don’t want to upset them but I’m scared I’ve fallen out of love with my husband and if I will ever get that back even if he does change. I’ve also found myself thinking about other men and I feel awful about it. Has anyone ever been through this or have any advice?

1959free Tue 29-May-18 09:53:48

I'm a man.had same problems with my wife of 34 years.tried controlling me for most of our married life.convinced me it was me that had the problems.came to a point just before 31st Dec 2017.she started yet another aregiment.I stopped talking to her.could not take the rows getting more regular.she left almost 3 months ago.I feel a lot less like walking on eggshells.she has not contacted our 2 grown up children or myself since.still get my bad days being on my own.keep your chin up do what your head tells you not your heart.other wise you might saying the same thing in 10 years.and be unhappy.good luck smile

Wilko7810 Fri 13-Jul-18 19:12:45

I been married 8 years together 17 and have 3 children.
I love my husband to bits but he has told me he don’t love me never has never will, long story but my past got brought up slepted with few of his friends when I was 17 and single!!! Now he said I’m a slag. I was young and now I’m a fully respected mum work changed and I want my marriage to work.
Is it a phase?

Bounty54 Sun 02-Sep-18 20:49:05

Hi Kerry. I see this is an old post so maybe your not interested in any replies now but I wanted to say something anyway. Have you noticed a cycle of him upsetting you then shortly making you feel everything is going to be ok? This is an abusive cycle and is crazy making, eroding what sense of self you have until you no longer know your own mind. Your Husband does not respect you (do you respect yourself?) and most likely needs help himself but in the meantime you must look after yourself. If you are afraid of him please get some counselling support now before you loose sight of what is normal in a relationship before the behaviour starts becoming your normal! It may be he is a Narcissistic (extreme possibility) it may be he’s trying to force you to end the relationship so he doesn’t have to feel responsible. If I was a young Mum again (I’m in my fifties) I would give him an ultimatum and say you either go for couples counselling or split up as it is not good for the children to see Mum and Dad like this. I do hope your ok and have taken steps already to a healthier life :-)

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