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I would like some advice as to a situation that has been giving me cause to worry for many years. I am divorced and have been so for many years. My ex was a businessman and when we first met I took it upon myself to get him – nice house – car and so on. After getting married we had two children but I wanted more, my ex didn’t. Relations between us in bed were good but I longed for more children. My ex would not climax inside me but would withdraw- I would use an excuse of needing to pee and go to the bathroom and push his sperm inside myself. I didn’t work.
I became frustrated and what started out as the odd night out with girlfriends ended up with dressing up in new outfits and going out once every couple of weeks to nightclubs, getting drunk and arriving home at 3am or later – my ex being left to look after the children and was not happy with my going out. I have to admit I was unfaithful – I also had realised I liked both sexes.
Our relationship became fractious in that my ex put himself into his business. This is when I had the idea of what I am worried over and what the consequences could be. I wanted more children but as I say my ex didn’t. While he was asleep I would arouse myself and then him, while he slept, I would then mount him and have sex while he was asleep – he would wake and push me off- he was not very happy about it. This happened time and time again – there was a few occasions that he would climax, but I did not get pregnant.
In the present climate of woman complaining about being sexually abused my worry is that if this was the other way around it would be classed as rape within a marriage. This went on for quite some time with my ex pushing me off and getting annoyed when I did it – was this me sexually abusing him for my own gratification – i.e. was I raping him. Our relationship ended and I was worried it would come out but I feel my ex was too embarrassed to say anything and my divorce papers were no more than a bundle of lies. I also did the worst by pushing him away from his children and lying about him to them.
My ex is now remarried and I believe in a good relationship but between the separation and getting married he had a few relationships and one lady I spoke to said he was very touchy when asleep and would take for ever to climax- I think I did more damage than I first thought. My worry is this is something that could cause me a serious problem if he ever felt I abused him and took this to the authorities to investigate.
Any advice would ease my mind as this is worrying me greatly.
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