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Do other feel there is more my partner isn’t telling me?

(11 Posts)
Truthislife Fri 17-Nov-17 10:44:35

We have known each other 15 years and he was always my best friend until last year when things were bad between us and he flirted with someone else and invited her to his place as we live seperately. I was totally In shock, I had been severely hurt in the past by someone but never ever thought he was capable. The girl didn’t go to his but I discovered the messages honestly by mistake and he swore it was the one and only time and I believed him. Recently I became suspicious, just a gut feeling, feeling sick, actually being sick and just ‘knowing something wasn’t right’ we argued, fought, he called me paranoid etc etc. So when he was out of the room I checked his phone and saw a woman he’s working for is being very over friendly, just honey babe, love, sweetie. Nothing incriminating and he sent one line texts that were professional. But I checked the data usage on whatsapp and she was at the top of his list of frequently contacted and there were only 5 messages available, indicating maybe he had deleted a lot. so I thought I’d leave it a few day and just watch his whatsapp which I know sounds stalkerish but I noticed during that time that he was on it early morning late at night and reading my messages and not responding, u was picking up on just the way he w

Truthislife Fri 17-Nov-17 10:49:42

It posted before I could finish...
Anyway I just felt so odd about all this, and so I bluffed. I told him I know he’s been texting her day and night and deleting the messages. He got angry shouted swore told me I’m driving him mad. After 15 minutes he admitted he had deleted messages because she was too familiar and he thought I might react if I read them. I told him that I know some people are like that and I feel sorry for their partners, but that’s not him, rhats her and all I cared about is his response to her. He said he deleted them because they took up too much space after that also! So what’s the story! Anyway ten minutes later he told me she had come onto him but he had not responded! Apparently it had happened the day before and no sign of anything the whole 6 weeks he’s been working in her house. It seems my intuition is so spot on that I see things as soon as they happen..the thing is I’m not sure I believe that and worry there is more to this. Last night after our chat he wasn’t on whatsapp at all, after days of being on day and night. He also said I don’t want to talk about this any more, it’s finished it’s finished and i didn’t like his choice of words. I feel insecure because we are building trust but I don’t want to ruin something of he’s done nothing wrong.

Truthislife Fri 17-Nov-17 10:57:51

I just want advice on what to do next to ease my mind seeing as we have trust issues. I do believe we could get the trust back and If he had just voluntarily told me about this incident I would not be suspicious now. I feel he felt backed into a corner and because I am naturally a very trusting person I easily go back to trust until something else happens to make me feel funny. I didn’t know about whatsapp usage but it was his behaviour that made me look into it and check- not her messages- so this feels funny to me and I woke up still sick and worried a little

Truthislife Fri 17-Nov-17 10:59:54

Someone cheated on me for years on end just because he could get away with it and probably because he didn’t love me and had skewed moral values. He admitted it at the end after years of denial in a bid to get me back. I don’t want this again. I feel like ringing her husband.

Primaryteach87 Fri 17-Nov-17 11:00:14

He’s lying

cf21 Fri 17-Nov-17 11:06:45

I’m so sorry and I hope I’m wrong but I think he’s not being honest.

I also feel he should show you more respect than just refusing to talk about it. You are the person who has been done wrong so he shouldn’t get to just decide that the conversations finished.

flowers

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 17-Nov-17 11:39:15

If she was over friendly and he wasn’t; he’d keep the messages to show how he’d responded. He’d have nothing to hide.

You know he’s lying.

Truthislife Fri 17-Nov-17 11:56:04

I just told him I’m sick of snooping so I want to read his deleted messages later. I told him I have found a way to do so- which I have. He said ‘that’s fine sweetie because I’m telling you I’ve got nothing to hide’ so that’s what I’ll be doing later. I told him if I’m going to move on from this I need to see for myself and I told him I wouldn’t be asking if he hadn’t deleted them and acted strange recently. Having been cheated on for years, I want to tell her husband so he can make his own mind up. I feel strongly I would want to know, but some people dont. Should I stay out of it?

cf21 Fri 17-Nov-17 22:33:16

I really hope that he’s telling you the truth, I’ve got my fingers crossed for youflowers

I’d tell her husband what I know and then let him do his own digging. But that’s just me, I know most people would say stay out of it.

Truthislife Sat 18-Nov-17 01:06:42

He finishes the job in a couple of days. There was nothing on the restore at all so it didn’t record anything that was deleted. We did end up arguing again as I asked more questions. He said she might call the police if I message her husband which is think is ridiculous, although I think I have decided to drop it anyway. I’m not sure about things. Well have to see how things progress. He mainly told me he wasn’t remotely interested and he didn’t even reply to her messages, those messages she sent that he told me about aren’t there to see. When we got together I was grieving a lost relationship and he was absolutely the best friend and kindest person in my life, he looked after me and has made me feel loved more than any other person in the world. It was always a friendship over anything else and I trusted him with my life despite my past. I do think A few things he said resonated with me, they made me realise I would say the same things if I felt I’d done nothing wrong and someone was accusing me. I have know him a long time and feel unless he has suddenly changed, he is someone that can’t carry guilt well and shows all his emotions and feelings on his face. That’s why I think I felt worried, and the last time it happened the girl messaged him and he swears he invited her and wouldn’t have done anything. Based on the limited evidence I feel I have and also the fact my mind is looking for things due to being insecure I think just taking him at his word is all I can do to not ruin what we have. He told me I could put a tracker on his phone and ge would let me and not care at all, see for me, I knew he was saying that for real unless he really has changed, and I wouldn’t do that or it would become a ridiculous relationship. Anyway thanks guys for your help. I will still be wary but not show him any of my emotions.

Truthislife Sat 18-Nov-17 01:11:33

Also I rang the woman and just said ‘ hi * (friendly) I just wanted to know, does your husband know that you proposition men he’s paying to work for him? She said, who is it, I said partner, she said ‘yes he knows’ I said ‘oh an open relationship, well good luck with that, but that’s not really our style’ she was like oh sorry ok, I said, you only need to text his boss so one more and I’ll just let your husband knows what’s been happening as your open marriage is no doubt one sided’ she said ok. She sounded embarrassed. It sounded one sided.

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