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Should I take online cheating as actual infidelity

(8 Posts)
Coco1975 Wed 04-Jan-17 12:30:02

I'm a 41 year old woman who has been married for 6 years, together for 12. I have two children a girl and a boy aged 19 & 17. Last year I became very unwell and am now disabled and bedbound. I found out my husband had been chatting to another woman, even telling her he loved her, I'm naturally hurt but also so so disappointed that he could do this to me while I'm like this. He says he just needed some distraction from the stresses of his daily life and that it meant nothing, it meant everything to me. Our children don't know and our 17 year old is so attached that it would break his heart. Please advise?

AdelindSchade Wed 04-Jan-17 12:36:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. You should ask for this to be moved to relationships topic. You will get more support there.

user1481906182 Wed 04-Jan-17 12:37:52

Are you sure this is all it is? I found messages from my exp to another woman, not so far as telling her he loved her but flirty.
He swore it meant nothing and was just a silly online thing that got out of hand.
Found out later he was In a full blown affair (different woman)
Sorry you're going through this flowers

WellErrr Wed 04-Jan-17 12:37:57

Of course it's infidelity. I'm sorry flowers

If you did it, would HE consider it infidelity?

Coco1975 Wed 04-Jan-17 12:57:06

I think he would! He seems to think that it's two separate things, his "dalliance" and his marriage. I truly appreciate that he's under an enormous amount of stress, he works full time, comes home looks after me and runs a house too. All the finances are on him even though I actively pay everything as he's useless in that area. We are great together and I don't see myself without him ever but I can't seem to get past this. If I ask him to leave there will be consequences for me and our child still at home.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 04-Jan-17 12:58:51

That IS infidelity. No debate about it imo. The woman the other end is a real person. I'm sorry flowers

Steve1970 Sun 19-Feb-17 03:05:30

I csn understand that you are upset but unless he is meeting up with her or intends to meet up with her its just fantasy. Think of it more as interactive porn. Personally i wouldnt consider it cheating. It just depends on your outlook . I know women who would consider their husband looking at porn to be cheating. I wouldnt worry too much about it i certainly wouldnt be looking to split up over it.

jkniffen22 Mon 08-May-17 14:27:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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