Please don't promote blogs that aren't in the Mumsnet Bloggers Network. Join the network
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Please help me pregnant at almost 46(27 Posts)
I'm aged 45; will be 46 in march. No kids and just found out I'm up the duff. Found out on 27th December. I've drank shed loads prior to this and now wish I'd waited to test as I can no longer drink (joke)
On a more serious note I just don't know what to do as I'm told the likelihood of having an "end product" is slim to none. My other half says it's ridiculous to think I could have a first baby at this age and that I'm completely deluded. He thinks we're far too old. I'm feeling reasonably pregnant, but not dissimilar to when I had a miscarriage at age 41. I.e. No morning sickness or aversions. Just sore tits and a bit tired. I can't face a miscarriage again but I'm not sure I could abort. There is no way I would cope with a disabled child having grown up with a severely disabled sister. I'm such a mess please help
I am the same age as you but have 2 kids. I don't think I would want children either but might feel different if I had none. I do know people who have had children at this age who've been fine so it's possible.
I can't tell you what to do or how to feel but if it were me I'd wait and see what happens. At 46, the NHS will take good care of you and you'll have access to all the tests and scans so don't panic yet
How do you feel about having a baby? Would you be happy to have a baby? Not all babies have disabilities from older mums, your scans will tell you alot more.
Congratulations!! I am so envious! See your gp ASAP and just go with the flow. . Take care of yourself and tell your husband you need support. ..
You don't say if you want a child? It's hard to read in your post.
If this was all ok, test show a healthy baby for example, how would you feel?
It's a lot to process, give yourself time to clear your mind and work out what you want to do.
Do you know how many weeks pregnant you are? If you are only just due on your period then the embryo will only just be implanting in your womb, meaning that the alcohol won't have had any effect on the baby.
In the meantime get yourself some folic acid today and start taking it - that's one thing you can do to increase your odds of a healthy baby.
Thank you. It came as a bit of a surprise- I really didn't think there was any chance of getting pregnant at my age - well that's what you hear. I'm living proof that you bloody well can. I'm obviously only about 5 weeks or so so still very early. I don't quite know how I feel yet as it all seems surreal. . I suppose the best thing would be is to see the gp and then make an informed decision. I guess all I read is doom and gloom too which doesn't help - miscarriage rates likelihood of downs' syndrome. Also a partner who is ambivalent to say the least...
I just don't know what to do as I'm told the likelihood of having an "end product" is slim to none
Where on earth did you get that info from?
Friend who lives near me had a perfectly healthy baby boy at 47 and I know a couple of others through friends who had babies at 48 and 50. All conceived naturally.
What about your partner? He doesn't sound keen at all.
If everything goes ok, will he be around and involved?
Yes the risks are higher but you are still far more likely to have a healthy baby than not.
I think you wd be fine to have a baby. Sounds like your other half needs some time to get his head round it. I wd hope u wd get extra tlc from doctor and midwife during yr pregnancy. And u have the advantage of lots of life experience and possibly greater financial stability than some younger people. When baby comes u will meet other older mums too - many professional women don't even start till late thirties or early forties and they go on to have two or three. On the other hand, if u feel parenthood is not for you, u wd have my full support too. Wishing you lots of luck with whatever you choose
Thank you all for your help. You're all so kind. I think my other half has got used to just us and the dog and cat. We don't have a ton of money and a small house. He doesn't deal with pressure well and is trying his best to be supportive but thinks he's "telling it like it is" and doesn't really spare my feelings. It's putting pressure on our relationship. God knows. . It seems the general consensus is that I should see the doctor and find out what's what. Even he has agreed to that... meantime we're at a bit of an impasse. Meanwhile he's gone to cycle 40 miles on a bike-you know what they're like x
Congratulations I was 40 when I had ds. I would see gp, get a midwife appt and then you would be under the care of a consultant. If there is a choice of hospitals ask mw which is more used to older mothers - the hosp I went to for antenatal care was used to young women - all the older & professional mums were at the other hospital. It made a difference in care as the junior Drs panicked about stuff that the consultant was fine with - jr Drs just saw my age not me as a fit and healthy 40 yr old. I had great care though - lots of extra planned scans etc and I paid for 12 wk scan & extra screening but my ds is 4 and screening has developed massively in the last 5 years so I don't think you necessarily would need to do that.
I would say give yourself time to think about things & get used to things before making any big decisions. Dp may just be in shock.
Good luck whatever you decide xx
I had a healthy baby aged 42, 21 years after my first child and 19 years after my second! This pregnancy was not planned but I then went on to have a planned 4th baby two years later aged 44. I know I'm extremely lucky to have had 4 healthy babies without problems and have generally been well during pregnancy with no history of miscarriage or still birth. My advice is not to panic or make any rash decisions. Get some professional advice and support. I'm now 54 and my two youngest are 10 and 12 and whilst I can't pretend it's easy keeping up with them, I don't regret a thing. Looks like nature has given you what might be your last chance to be a Mum and it's a big decision you have to make so take your time. Whatever you and your husband/ partner choose to do, and remember it is your choice, good luck.
The GP who writes for the Guardian had a baby at 46 - she wrote quite a lot about it and it's probably still on their website. It's was quite a positive story but obviously she had her reservations too.
It's Luisa Dillner and she was 48 here
I lost it at six weeks. I'm just a bit too old I think.
Hello. I'm Suzanne. Don't despair. You can take on board a million opinions and few will be the same, because we all have a very different experience and background circumstances. I like pink because it's bright, you like brown because it isn't, etc.......I wanted to be a mother all my life, but when it happened, aged 54 - (yes, you heard right.....54!), it actually wasn't all it was cracked up to be!....(Despite what all the "Earth Mums" might tell you). The little angels are amazing - (WHEN they're little angels). But they can also be little demons, and unfortunately, the latter usually outweighs the former and you, unsuspecting middle aged dreamer, get the biggest shock of your life!! My HEART wants to say NO!! DON'T DO IT! YOU'RE TOO F.....IN OLD!!! But my head says: We are all different. What has turned out to be a very hard road for me, may be absolutely the best thing for you! IRRESPECTIVE OF YOUR AGE! It's just important to be true to yourself and never go into a humongous decision like this for someone else or, for fear of time constraints. This HAS to be 100% for you! If there is doubt....there's no doubt. I'm here if you would like to contact me personally. Just let me know. I'm not very proficient at this on line stuff and I read everything, respond to very little. My heart just went out to you.
Thanks Suzanne - you really had a baby aged 54. Was that a natural conception or donor egg? I have given up now pretty much. Thank you for your kind and wise words. You sound like you're very grounded and your kids are lucky to have you
Just had my 3rd at 45 last month - all is good - no health issues (me or baby). Made the right decision for our family as was worried that 45 was too old to have another baby . Hope it is all going well for you
Congratulations! I had my 2nd at 46. It's bloody exhausting but we are both healthy and happy, despite me having a few risk factors which stacked the odds against a successful pregnancy.
My DH wasn't entirely on board when I got pregnant first time at 40, but having kids has genuinely been the making of him. From someone who just wasn't interested in kids he is now an amazing Dad.
Please login first.