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Unsure how to deal with feelings(4 Posts)
this is the first time I have posted on a forum but I really need some advice or just words of comfort.
I'm married and have a really good relationship with my husband, we are honest and always have been since day one. He works really hard to provide for us, he's a retail manager and has just taken over a new store so he's under pressure and with the seasonal period upon us he's working long hours. I have just started my maternity leave as I'm expecting our second child in January.
After having my daughter I think I suffered with PND but because I was a FTM and didn't recognise what was happening straight away I just chose to carry on, when I realised there was something not right I was too scared to ask for help as I thought social services would take my daughter away from me. There's a strong history of Bi-Polar and depression on my mothers side, my relationship with my mother is complicated. She has alcohol issues so sometimes I cannot speak to her for emotional support which is a shame because I think she would know what to say as she's been through what I have. Plus my family live 400 miles away in my hometown up north. I tried to explain my feelings to my Dad but he's the sort that doesn't see depression as a real illness and said 'you don't want to kill yourself so just get on with it like your mother has'.
My husband is aware I have high and low days, it's a mixture of pregnancy hormones and possible undiagnosed depression. But I don't think he knows the full extent of how low I get on my low days, that's my fault for not being completely open about it. I never discuss my problems with other people or my husband as I don't want to burden them.
We live in his hometown, it was my choice to move and I have been here 7 years now but I'm very bad in social situations. I have made friends through work but when I try to meet up with them socially with our children it's hard to arrange as I do all the texts/calling and a lot of the time they cancel or never get back to me. I just feel so isolated and alone, my best friend lives in my hometown and she's wonderful but she's very busy with her own life and her very demanding job so I'd rather not bother her either. My mother in law is lovely but she works full time and father in law is on shift work so they get very little time together so I don't want to take up any of the little alone time they have together. Mother in law is always willing to help out but she needs a break too.
I'm worried that I will suffer with PND again and think I'm already depressed and suffer from anxiety but I have no idea what to do, I have so many emotions and I don't know how to deal with them, I feel like I'm failing as a mother and wife.
Sorry for the long post. Any advice or kind words would be appreciated xx
Hi OP, perhaps it would be worth speaking to your midwife and/or gp about ur feeling and have felt, it's important that u are honest with them so they can give u the right support, no one will take ur children from you for suffering from depression, they will be able to support u, good luck
Is there a local antenatal group you could join? I am sure you are not the only one in this situation. PND hit me after each of my pregnancies and I found that talking to other mums really helped. You are welcome to pm me if you need to talk. All the best.
Have you tried doing yoga or practicing mindfulness? It's really helped me cope with PND. There's a fantastic app called mind the bump that's especially for pregnant and postnatal women and their partners - it's a series of spoken mindful exercises to do each day. If you look online about PND & mindfulness, there's a whole host of info about how it helps.
Just make sure you talk about it, that's the most important thing! x
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