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Constantly feeling discontent/unsettled with life

(8 Posts)
Jules8432 Fri 28-Oct-16 21:07:19

Does anybody else feel that life is just passing them by?

I feel like a horrible hurrying feeling that there's so many people to meet, so much of the world to see and things to do that I'm running out of time
I'm nearly mid 30's with a 14 year old child
No money
I have friends saying times running out for me to meet someone and do the whole family life thing (I've always been a single parent)
But then I feel like I've just got my freedom back since the age of 18 :-/

I'm torn between what I think I Should be doing (and kind of want) i.e. a proper family set up
But then I really want to relocate and start a new life away from crazy ex and people who knew me when I wasn't who I am today 🙈

Recently Got chatting to a guy who wants kids and I almost ran off! But then the alternative to that is I find myself attracted to completely emotionally unavailable, selfish guys 🙄

I actually don't know if I could be in a relationship now after only living my son for over 10 years?

I was told today that I'm getting older and won't have much choice/chance of meeting someone the older I get, but I can't be with someone just because of that!

Anyway I just feel really discontent, confused and unsettled in my heart but don't really know why ?

Can anyone help with ideas of how to untangle my thoughts to discover what I actually want out of my life!? 🙈

BabyGanoush Fri 28-Oct-16 21:16:11

You are being swamped by other people's ideas of how you should live your life. And now you are asking for more ideas from other people on here wink...,must be exhausting!

Try to find some time and space to figure out what YOU really want from life. What makes you happy. What you'd like to do next.

Almost no decision is for life, you can try a new job/place to live/set up and re-evaluate after a year.

Just breathe, and think.

Oh, and you are never too old for moving/changing career/finding love, the time pressure you feel is imaginary!

Jules8432 Fri 28-Oct-16 21:40:12

Ha that's true 🙊 🙈

one of my theory's is ive got more time on my hands (too much) to notice and think about things.
I'm used to my life being dominated by being a mum, but suddenly ive got freedom and I'm not sure who I am or what I should do with it?

My mind is like a washing machine on fast spin!
I wish I could just be more black and white like my best friend who knows exactly what she wants in life and makes it happen whereas I change by the hour! 😩

Thanks for your response 🤗

gracealex7 Tue 01-Nov-16 05:28:23

Try and engage in a self discovery journey and find out what makes you happy. You will never be happy with someone else until you are happy with you.. Treat yourself. Wake up in the morning and write on a post stick note at least 1 great thing about yourself and one thing you would like to work on and stick it in an old shoe box. Try to resist the temptation to read them. Do this daily for a month then on the last day of the month put them in two separate piles. You will be amazed at what this simple thing can do to improve your self confidence and help you to feel good in yourself again.

Jules8432 Tue 01-Nov-16 23:23:21

Thank you gracealex7 smile

1 question I keep pondering..

Is it better to be in a relationship or single?

I've only been in a bad one so probs associate relationships with stress, restriction, arguing, boredom, repetition, being skint.. you get the picture 😆

I also have the view that nothing's forever so what's the point in setting yourself up to get hurt?

But maybe if I turn my thoughts around it will encourage me to FINALLY meet someone!? 👍🏼😬

ScrubbedPine Sat 05-Nov-16 21:49:12

You sound as if you're surrounded by deeply unhelpful people, even if they (possibly) mean well. Stop listening to them, and start listening to yourself. You already have a family, you and your son - it's a perfectly valid, and not at all unusual, family set up. There is no obligation to form a relationship or to have another child unless you really want to. There's certainly no need to panic and leap into decisions in relation to a timescale decided on by someone who isn't you.

People can be stupidly rule-bound about how life should be led, according to completely arbitrary rules of their own. Look at any thread on here about whether to have children, what is the oldest/youngest age people think it's acceptable to have a baby at, or expensive weddings, or evening invitations, or babies in restaurants.

I got together with my partner in my teens, to give you one example, and you wouldn't believe how many people have begun to tell me it was too young (regardless of the fact we're very happy 25 years later) and how I should have had x number of boyfriends before 'settling down.' And then we had a child far too late, and stopped at one, and I went back to a demanding job the second I could. All problematic to someone.

The only person whose opinion counts is yours. Stop panicking and figure out what you want, and stop letting in the voiceswho tell you to grab the nearest man and start making babies because you'll be washed up if you don't. Good luck!

Jules8432 Sun 06-Nov-16 11:06:37

Thanks for taking the time to respond with such good advice SP smile

I do realise I have to listen to my inner voice and accept its different to most of my friends, and society 😆 x

Jeanne51 Fri 17-Feb-17 03:40:24

Try your local college. Try taking courses. You will meet like.minded people. Not knows. It worked for me. Be proud that you raised a child alone. You are strong and have made a lovely human being with your body.

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