Please don't promote blogs that aren't in the Mumsnet Bloggers Network. Join the network
Emotional Abuse supported by the system that should help(1 Post)
After years of staying in an abusive relationship in order to protect our child, our relationship finally ended two years ago. As he had left me to be with another women, I hoped his previous promise if I left him would not apply i.e. to take our child away from me and financially ruin me. I am professional women with a successful business and thought no one would believe me if I told them what was going on behind closed doors as he used his illness to control me and now I see also our child. However, his family & friends believed me and stood by me and our child. He had previously being married and had falling out with his family over that marriage which I didn't know the full details until they told me, of course my ex's story was completely different and he was the victim!
It's been almost 2 years since we've parted and he is married again. But he continues to focus on removing our child from my life and financially trying to destroy me. He has managed to turn our child against his family, making our child read statements from court to blacking her view. He has used our child as a pawn to try and control our every move and also is abusing her in his subtle manner - e.g. stripping her of her clothes on contact, whilst outside our house. He has also been survived with a non molestation order following an assault in front of our child. The behaviour has been endless. Financially his family have supported me as much as they can as he continues to bring me back to court regularly.
Court cases don't link up. Social services have ignored referrals even from domestic abuse group and CAHMS, they have also mislaid notes from a social workers visit. They have recently been requested by the court to do a parent assessment which should be detailed - due to their lack of time they throw a report together, which they admitted and as they hadn't the time to completely investigate they left it down to our child's wishes, our child is only 8 and has admitted to social services that daddy cries and she doesn't like daddy crying. Our child's wish was to live with her daddy but they did not question this wish as when last asked our child said "I don't want to talk about it". The story gets worse and the things that were said to me by social services were shocking, reminding me the court arena was a male dominated environment - they is so much more. They have recommended to the court that our child should live with her father based on our child's wishes as they can't prove if she is being manipulated and our child can see me ever other weekend. However, they are not sure if there was abuse, however they believe I do have evidence which they haven't had time to review. It seems unbelievable but I have the report in writing! When we got to court for the next directions hearing, the judge didn't even have the paper work in front of him - unfortunately, this is not uncommon and on most occasions I don't believe papers have been read and the case has been unclear. My ex's abuse is mainly psychological and emotion abuse, he is intelligent and he can manipulate situations if given a chance. The last judge did seem to recognise there was something wrong but will the next judge. They is no consistency in court as the judge is never the same and it would appear you can't request for the same judge to continue with a case. Sometimes the judge doesn't even make notes for the next judge! It's so scare, I'm a good mum. Social services said my parenting is not at question, however my ex has parenting issues as he discussed inappropriate things with our child and emotionally burdens her. The system is shocking and scary. The system that should be in place to protect our child and me is being used by my ex to continue his abuse and fulfil his promises. My solicitor suggested I should write a book as my story is shocking - however, I don't want to write a book, I just want to save our child from this madness so our child is not mentally damaged.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.