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Courage needed(7 Posts)
I live with my partner and have been together many years. I found out that he was addicted to hard drugs, supported him through his detox (even though he relapsed many times) during this time he has been emotionally abusive..he says this us down to what he us going through, but expects me to forget all the things he gas said and done as he is Getting better. I look after his children and work...he doesn't work and try and do everything I can. He says really awful things to me and tonight actually threatened violence. I don't know what I should do. I cry myself to sleep most nights, dread coming home from work as I don't know what Im going to be confronted with. I just sit there and take the name calling now, I don't say anything back so I don't make the situation worse. I don't know what to do
I know what you need to do: Leave.
This is not your problem. You do not have to put up with this. Whatever you think about how things might get better, you deserve better than what you have right now.
Take it from someone who has been in this exact position with someone she loved very much: Leave.
I just feel so guilty, where will he go?! I know I need to put myself first, but its difficult when I always put everyone/everything else first. I know I need to be more confident to change my mindset but don't know how
The love of my life was an addict. I left him because regardless of how much I loved him, I knew he would drag me down with him until he dragged himself up. Addiction is a terrible disease and life with an addict even in healthy recovery is incredibly challenging. You might find Al-Anon helpful. Me leaving the love of my life and him sadly losing everything, job, family, his house because of debts etc was what eventually woke him up to get well and he eventually remarried, had a daughter, rebuilt his life and fingers crossed is well. But it took him years. Think very carefully about you and your needs. The percentage of people who actually go onto to live in healthy recovery for the rest of their lives is actually quite low in terms of statistics. My best childhood friend since I wAs five years old drank herself to death over a period of six years dying aged 43, after losing her job, her home, her driving licence, got s conviction, lost custody of her youngest so and left leaving her two sons devastated by her death. Please think about you.
Thank you for your advice. He has even started to hit the dog now.
He just blames everyone else and doesn't look at himself.
He hits the dog because he moults.
He emotionally abuses me for not being understanding, I honestly don't think I can do anymore, I have been going through this for years.
Finding needles and saying, its ok, I know your trying. I can't talk to anyone about this, he is getting help and support and I'm just getting grief
You sound like you are co-dependent. Not uncommon and please don't feel ashamed. Pia Melody has some particular good books to provide more insight into co-dependency. Joining a help group for co-dependency and perhaps seeking counselling would be a good start but to be honest regardless of any co-dependency issues that may need addressing, your safety and sanity is more important that his issues. That may sound odd to you because it sounds like you have spent a long time putting yourself last - but if you can start reassessing your life and making YOU the priority, you can make the necessary healthy changes to your life and live the life you actually deserve, rather than making do with your current situation. Re-read your posts, digest what you have shared and keep re-reading them so that you don't dismiss what is happening - something that is very easy to do when a rare good day crops up. Also, perhaps try thinking about and visualising what your ideal life would be without your partner and then write down the steps to get to that life. What do you need to do to achieve that. Good luck OP, you deserve much, much more
I hadn't heard of this before. It sounds like I have brought this on myself and made him even worse
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