Does anyone live with a teacher...? Help!

[puddleduck36]

Hi All, I am brand new on here, but have come because Mumsnet is famous for open and varied advice...!

My boyfriend is a teacher and works all the hours. Despite his grumbling about marking and paperwork he says he likes the actual teaching, and can't find anything else he would rather do. However, from my perspective, he is usually tired, often short with me, and doesn't want to do anything much together, despite my trying to remain cheerful and suggest things he might like. I find myself sitting out the term times, sadly keeping myself busy without him, and waiting for his holidays (during which I still work) to get my happy fun loving man back.

The reason I am on Mumsnet asking is that I want a future with this man, and we have discussed children. He wants loads, I would love to have them too although I feel I need some reassurance before that happens... I simply don't want to have them effectively alone if his work is to continue this way. He says he would work later in the evening to spend time with the children... but then what about us? I don't want to be a baby-making machine for him but have no relationship to speak of. I am self employed, love my work and have no desire to be a full time mum. I want a life of happy times together, not lurching from one desperately needed holiday period to the next, when invariably he takes to the hills on his mountain bike anyway, which is his true passion in life.

So I am just asking whether anyone else has found themselves in this position, how I might get my head round the situation and accept it, and what others have done to cope / rekindle their relationship.

Huge thanks in advance...!

[Berrie]

How long has he been doing it?
Not saying that experienced teachers don't work terribly long hours - we do - but the first years are probably the worst.

[puddleduck36]

Ten years... so for him this is normal, but we have only been together 18 months so I guess I am feeling the reasonably new effects of it on my life and don't know how to accept it like he has. Thanks for your comment, and great to have input from a teacher as I am desperate to see it from that side too!

[Berrie]

Before we were married and had children, DH said he'd leave me if I didn't try get home for 6pm. I might have made a bit of an effort for a while. I guess I mean to make the point that he got used to it.

Lots and lots of people teach and have families! I'm part time myself. I'd rather be poor than work as hard as a full time teacher now...