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My parnter has a gambling problem.

(4 Posts)
tammy1990 Tue 26-Aug-14 21:32:55

Hi, hoping someone out there has some idea of what I can do. Since january I have been lending my partner money to pay the bills etc and recently he hegot a job and was hoping to pay me back. Anyway, last week he got paid a full months wage and only went and bet the lot as well as my money that I gave him towards the bills. He is now expecting me to try and find this money, which is nearly £1000! I have no idea what to do! I want to throttle him but thats not going to help. Just wondering if there are any groups that someone could direct me too to try and sort him out. I have now told him am going to be taking full control of his account and watch it like a hawk as I cant be bring up my little one in a insure home. Do I stay and try and sort this whole mess out or leave? And where am I going to find this money to sort the whole mess out?

marriednotdead Tue 26-Aug-14 21:51:58



He's not going to take responsibility, especially while you're running around taking it off of him. Why should YOU be worrying about how to replace the money that HE has gambled away?

If he seriously wants to sort this, Gamblers Anonymous is a phonecall away. It can be done, but he has to face up to it and he isn't yet.

I've been in your shoes and they are not pleasant to walk in.

tammy1990 Tue 26-Aug-14 22:02:01

Gambled away all of the money for the bills this month and I feel like I have no one to turn to for help. He is point blank refusing to go and ask his family for help and we really need it. He said he will phone when he has time, I doubt it but these next few weeks he is working 60+hours.

Feel like such a fool for lending him the money never going to see that again. He keeps saying sorry and that he couldn't help it. But he had the choice and I thought I was being silly for wanting to fork out a £100 for a new pushchair and he has went and done that. What did you do?

marriednotdead Tue 26-Aug-14 22:27:55

I took control for a few years, and have the grey hair to prove it.

I kept his bank card and gave him 'pocket money', paid all the bills and generally controlled everything we spent. He gambled very small amounts as that's all he had access to. Over time, he became resentful, I was controlling and our relationship dynamic was like me having a naughty child. Not attractive.

Finally had enough, other issues too and I mentally checked out last summer, told him I wanted a divorce.
He realised I meant it and finally woke up. After he had what I can only describe as a head transplant which I initially ignored, we saw a counsellor and I handed back his bank card shortly afterwards.

He hasn't gambled a penny since, pays all the bills and things are way better. He realised what he had to lose (10 years of marriage and the respect of all our family and friends) and changed his ways. It's an unusual outcome apparently, but one I'd like for you. I am determined not to think about the thousands of pounds that he wasted, for fear of becoming bitter.

Don't waste the years I did, if he's strong enough to do this then he can start by facing this shit on his own.

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