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Bad Advise from the Midwife - HELP!!!!(20 Posts)
BF and I chose to find out the sex of the baby at scan - baby was face down but lady who scanned was 95% sure it was a girl I am now on my 34wk check-up and the midwife comes out with the shocking statement that in her opinion its a boy with the heartbeat speed and regularity even though she had asked when I walked in did I know what I was having! I am beside myself now as the reason we chose to find out was that I had such a gut feeling it was a boy when I fell pregnant so finding out it was a girl was not a disappointment in any way but I did have to adjust to the idea of a girl. I have had 2 sleepless nights worrying about it. I don't know how to find out if we are defiantly having a girl? can I request another scan? Im so angry with the midwife as when I questioned her does the heartbeat really tell the sex she said will it is a bit of an old wives tale but also she is rarely wrong! I don't think she has any concept of what upset she has caused by such a flippant comment based on basically rubbish.
my BF has said he is happy either way but I am thinking practically we are on a budget and have steadily over the months brought everything we need and all aimed for a girl.
I'm not sure if you could even get a private gender scan at this point? I'd take what she says with a pinch of salt. No one knows 100% until baby is born.
you can't tell the sex from the heartbeat, you just CAN'T
if they said girl on the scan then your baby is a girl, with the usual caveat etc etc
I think the heartrate as a determination of gender is very unreliable. Your scan is much more likely to be correct. My midwife when I was in labour tried to guess from the heartrate on the monitor and got it wrong. She sounds unprofessional to tell you it is reliable.
However, if you want another scan to check the gender you will have to pay for it privately.
In all scans there is a chance they will have got it wrong. You were told they were 95% sure it was a girl but that still leaves a 5% chance it could be a boy. Have you prepared yourself for that possibility?
This is why I haven't found out because I'd just worry they'd got it wrong!
I don't want to be that 'bonkers' expectant first time mum especially when I have had such a great pregnancy with no complications, but she has planted the seed of doubt. I am hoping possibly on my 36wk hospital appointment I could ask for it to be checked - does anyone know of mums getting a scan on request at 36wks?
Unless you've had genetic tests such as amnio you can't be 100% sure of the sex unless baby was lying with it's legs open during the scan!!
MediumOrchid - I would have laughed it off if at the scan they where able to get the baby to roll over to be sure and check the pelvic area
Book a private scan somewhere. I'd only ever buy gender neutral clothes anyway, personally, but I'm sure you could dress a boy in pink etc (guessing that's what you mean by things 'aimed for a girl') if need be.
If you look on your scan notes there is no guarantee either, it will say foetus appears male or foetus appears female - patient aware
My DDs heart rate sounded like 'a boy' all the way through. We found out she was a girl at 20wks and then I had another scan to check placenta at 34 weeks that confirmed girl.
My MW used to joke that she sounded like a boy with her heart rate.
If you want another scan you will have to pay for it though, they won't scan you on the NHS just to check gender for you.
I've got two children, twice found out sex at scan by choice, twice been (lightheartedly) told by midwives that the heart rate test would have them the opposite sex to the scan but never seriously suggesting the scans were wrong.
Two times in a row the scans have been right and as I understand it, although not infallible, they tend to only tell you the sex at a scan if the sonographer is fairly sure.
Now that's only my experiences but I've never known a HCP take the old wives take regarding heart rates seriously.
I very much doubt you'll get a scan at 36wks if nothing wrong with the pregnancy. We were told only 70% accuracy of determining sex at our scans. Don't think we bought anything particularly sex specific until well after the birth - know far too many people who have been caught out!
You won't get an NHS scan to check the sex of the baby fgs. Scans are serious medical procedures not just for you to see the baby. Think yourself lucky you have had a good pregnancy and you don't known what it's like to be lying there waiting to see if your baby needs to be delivered early or if it is still alive.
Honestly your baby boy or girl won't give a stuff what colour it's pram, car seat and clothes are you know.
If you want a scan to check gender then you'll have to pay for a private scan.
The NHS only does scans if it's considered to be clinically necessary -you get the routine dating and anomaly scans at approximately 12 and 20 weeks, but you won't get any others on the NHS unless there's concerns about the pregnancy not progressing normally.
My dd sounded like a boy when they listened to heartbeat but the scan said girl. Heartbeat (trains, horses) etc is such an old wives tale!!
I had a scan at 37 weeks but only because DS was measuring small (he wasn't small, I don't know what they were feeling)
But they won't give you another scan, and it's hard to tell the sex either was. The only way I knew definitely with DS was because at the 37 week scan I could actually see his bits.
Just to really mess you up... Our private consultant undertaken scan was wrong. We were told it was a girl .... Bought pink stuff, bedding clothing etc plus called bump the name we had chosen. At hospital as I was induced they even did the little hospital bands with her name on. Needless to say we were somewhat I shock when dd came out a ds.
Midwife subsequently told me she had had 3 other similar births that week (ie wrong sex born)
So prob moral of story is don't buy anything gender specific and keep an open mind!
You definitely won't get one on the nhs. My midwife also said that if she was guessing from my dd's heart rate she would guess boy. She's definitely a girl (now 3).
Firstly, I think you are massively overreacting and should understand that scans are to confirm the wellbeing of your baby and not so you can ensure a colour co-ordinate pram/nursery whatever. Secondly, you must surely have been told that scans are approx 90% accurate and perhaps less so when it is a girl. However, if you are to be indulged in this I would point out that fetal heart rates vary between 110-160. This depends on whether baby is asleep or wriggling, so 115 would be fine if asleep but I would expect it to rise to 165-170 if a vigorous wriggle was occurring. So, on this basis you can see there is no clinical evidence to suggest one sex over the other, it will merely depend on what your baby was doing at the time.
I suspect you misunderstood the midwife, but understand that she did not even have to listen in to the heart rate at all according to NICE guidelines and would only have been doing so to reassure you about fetal wellbeing. Seems she should not have been so thoughtful in your case. Sorry if that sounds harsh but the services the NHS provides should not be geared around what gender you want your child to be.
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