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Mother not happy about first mothers day

(23 Posts)
goldb3rg Mon 31-Mar-14 13:40:51

Should I bin the wife? That is the question...

I got a card from the boy for here, cooked her a nice Eggs Benedict breakfast and sacrificed watching the football to take the three of us for a nice meal.

This was not enough.. She never got cards/chocolates or a gift to 'keep'.

What are the rules here? What have I done wrong and how do I rescue the situation. Or is this an obvious two finger gesture at me and a hint that it is time to leave..

Who is in the wrong here? I did have plans to do other things but other factors were involved and I could not fulfil the plan.

MirandaWest Mon 31-Mar-14 13:42:39

I personally think she is being a bit precious but I'm not your wife. Different people have different expectations of Mother's Day. How is your relationship generally?

runningonwillpower Mon 31-Mar-14 13:48:00

Well, if I'm understanding right, your child is less than 12 months old. So he or she isn't going to contribute much.

So, she's not really complaining about mothers' day. She's complaining about 'wife who happens to be a mother's day'.

I don't know the rules for this. Sounds like you did ok to me.

goldb3rg Mon 31-Mar-14 13:51:29

My thoughts exactly. Generally the relationship is fine however she has just come back from visiting friends/family for a week with the boy so I dare say the mother-in-law has rubbed off on here slightly and expectations were set too high.

This will drag on.. She meets up with the NCT mums a few times a week and I envisage they will all be sharing stories on Spa Breaks etc..

I cannot win. Let's see how fathers day goes.

LyndaCartersBigPants Mon 31-Mar-14 14:10:05

It would have been a nice gesture to get a little something to keep for her first Mothers' Day. Yes breakfast in bed and a nice lunch is lovely, but a card would have been thoughtful - obviously 'the boy', as you charmingly call him, cannot decide for himself to go to the shops and buy one/write it, but if your wife has to wait for her son to take the initiative she will be without a Mothers' Day card forever until he is about 12 and wants extra pocket money .

TBH the little home made gestures are far more precious than spa breaks to most mums - a little framed hand print that you made of your son or a photo of him in a "best mum in the world" frame would have been a lovely keepsake which wouldn't have cost you a fortune but would have been something special for her to remember as he grows up to mark the occasion.

Obviously lots of people don't care about the "Hallmark holidays" but I'm sure you know 'the wife' well enough to realise whether or not she expects you to acknowledge Valentines, Mothers' Day, Anniversaries etc.

FWIW, even those of us who insist that we don't want a fuss (because we're not used to having the world revolve around us, even for a day) do appreciate a little gesture to show that we are loved.

macmilm Mon 31-Mar-14 14:11:42

Bin !!!!!

Time to move on and forget the past. You may even enjoy being a birthday and Christmas dad ? Who knows !

goldb3rg Mon 31-Mar-14 14:12:23

She has the hand/foot prints. I actually wrote the card with the boy and took photos of it. He is only 3 and a half months old so I had to help..

I ordered some flowers this morning and just received a phone call from the wife to say how I did not have to etc.. About 30 seconds later she told me again why she was upset and how I had the time here to do this, there to do that.

Turned the phone off. More damage has been done from trying to fix it!

Twitterqueen Mon 31-Mar-14 14:16:21

Oh dear... I don't know what you did wrong either.

For me it's the cards that are the most precious because I keep all of them. And a meal is lovely too.

Did she expect a card from you too? I never wanted one from my ex, only from the children and you did that...

Ragwort Mon 31-Mar-14 14:18:41

Do grown women really act like this? hmm

Your wife sounds like a spoilt princess - a lovely breakfast, home made card and a meal out sounds lovely.

(FWIW my DS and DH spent the day at a football competition and I went to work - fortunately our relationship isn't based on materialism grin).

goldb3rg Mon 31-Mar-14 14:19:39

I did look for Mothers Day Wife cards but I could not find one.

it is a good job the spare room bed is made up. It is actually really comfortable so I will be enjoying that until Monday which is when her sister comes to visit for a week.

runningonwillpower Mon 31-Mar-14 14:21:48

For what it's worth, my personal opinion is that 'Mothers' Day/Fathers' Day' aren't celebrations of fertility.

They are opportunities for the real live offspring to appreciate the parents who love them. And it's only really meaningful when they do it on their own behalf.

Yeah, when they're little you help them out and supervise the home-made card and the bunch of daffodils/box of chocs paid for by dad/mum (depending).

But it's not really Mothers' Day until they do it with the full knowledge of love and appreciation (albeit with Dad's help).

I've just had a great Mothers' Day. Because my adult children turned up with gifts and messages of love. From themselves.

Beastofburden Mon 31-Mar-14 14:24:49

Oh Dear. Nothing short of diamonds will do, Kermit. you knew Ms P was high-maintenance when you got together, no?

LyndaCartersBigPants Mon 31-Mar-14 14:25:07

You originally said you didn't get a card. And in this situation, being told that you should have done something and then doing it a day late is not the same as doing it properly the first time, so your DW is just making sure that you realise this, by reiterating that your priority on Mothers' Day was not making her feel special, but whatever else it is that you were doing.

Flowers today are nice, but it's not going to be ok to do this every year.

TBH from your tone it sounds like your DW is pissed off at you for other reasons (perhaps for calling her 'the wife' like some 1970s throwback or talking about 'binning her' and switching off your phone when she wants to discuss issues that are bothering her).

is this an obvious two finger gesture at me and a hint that it is time to leave?

I don't know many women who would choose for a good husband to leave when their baby was 3 months old, so if she IS hinting at you to leave then she's probably better off without you. If there are no other problems within your marriage and her being upset at your lack of effort on Mothers' Day is the only 'hint', then you talking of binning/leaving over this is pathetic and she is probably better off without you.

goldb3rg Mon 31-Mar-14 14:31:03

I did get a card, I mentioned this..

I am going to bin her. Sod it... I sense influence of her mother here and I hate that woman.

Ulysses Mon 31-Mar-14 14:33:29

She's better off without you, if you take offence so easily. Hope she meets someone who can be more deserving.

GiveTwoSheets Mon 31-Mar-14 14:33:30

Wow she is precious maybe some rose petals for her to walk on might redeem you but given that you have now turned your phone off perhaps you should buy some black bags to put your stuff in. grin

goldb3rg Mon 31-Mar-14 14:39:46

She can have the lot. She can have every penny I have.
I understand now why people choose to live on the street.

ScrambledSmegs Mon 31-Mar-14 14:45:37

Um. Little bit of a dramatic reaction from both of you there, maybe? Is your relationship normally a bit volatile?

Johnogroats Mon 31-Mar-14 14:48:03

Is there more to this story...from what you say she sounds awful! Maybe she is suffering from pnd?

Fwiw I got some cards from my boys, (7 and 9), and some hugs. DH had gone away for the weekend skiing with no breakfast in bed / lie in. Actually DS1 and I went for a 36 mile bike ride. So I am knackered. However, it was a pretty good Mothers' Day for me. Oh, and I picked DH and friends up from airport at midnight, so not even a glass of vino!

therunnawaybride Mon 31-Mar-14 14:58:18

Sod all the Mother's Day crap it sounds like there's more to this then that and if you're so willing to throw away a marriage and (to an extent) your family over something so trivial then perhaps you need to examine how you feel a little more closely?

DrewsWife Mon 31-Mar-14 15:06:27

My teen moved out a few weeks ago. This year I got a Facebook message and hubby are the Mother's Day chocolates I got from church. He was at work and it's just another day.

She's being a bit princess. It's another day like any. I have always been a single mum until I met and married hubby and never ever had a Mother's Day card or gift.

She made me toast once. But are it for me

momb Mon 31-Mar-14 15:14:46

So you are going to 'bin' her because she was disapppinted and a bit princessy about Mothers' Day?
If you planning on being a grown up about this I suggest that you actually talk to her, as this is essentially a communications issue of your respective expectations. Also read the AIBU thread on having a wonderful mothers day. Those of us who had a lovely one all seemed to have had low expectations for stuff but high expectations for heartfelt. It appears she didn't feel as if you'd done either. Good luck.

LyndaCartersBigPants Mon 31-Mar-14 20:07:19

I hope your DW is as lucky as me, I've met a lovely man since binning my ex, he asked if I'd like him to help my DCs with anything for Mother's Day in case their dad hadn't done it.

Fortunately even my ex, who was useless at such things when we were married, had already sorted something out for the DCs, so I have two men both willing to help my DCs show their love for their mum. Your poor DW not even having one.

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