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How do I deal with this?

(8 Posts)
Lyndsey1975 Tue 07-Jan-14 13:56:06

My daughter is a 15 year old usual eye rolling teenager. She seems pretty sensible but follows the crowd. She has a boyfriend who is 17 and she regularly says 'I will be 16 soon and I cant wait' I persist in telling her nothing will change when she is 16 other then she will be at a legal age to do certain things. I recently found a message on the tablet we use which she is asking her boyfriend to buy condoms. I immediately felt sick and destroyed. All the hard work, trying to educate and do the right thing seems to have been thrown completely away. Yes at least she is asking for condoms, I appreciate this is showing maturity but now I know I feel absolutely gutted. I have talked to her about this and asked her not to enter into a sexual relationship as she is too young, but I guess its too late for this now. I have also spoken to her boyfriend and explained she is underage, he agreed and apologised... whether he listened, who knows...! Why do I feel do disappointed, both in myself and at my daughter, its not healthy, and I really don't know how to handle the usual teenager antics as this matter seems to dominate my feelings. Can anybody offer any advice? it would be very much appreciated....

Flufflewuffle Tue 07-Jan-14 14:11:36

I lost my virginity at 20, which was almost 20 years ago, and even for that time that was considered late. So I would be feeling the same as you are in your shoes. But that being said, at least she's waiting till she's legal.

Unfortunately at this age, friends and boyfriends have far more influence than us parents could ever hope to. <cries into her coffee>
You're right that she's at least being sensible and is going to be careful.

The best advice my Dad ever gave me was that I should remember, there are lots of other things you can do with and to each other, before you get to penetrative sex. Do them instead. Because until you are financially able to support a child, having sex is a very stupid thing to do.
Does she have plans to do any further study? Is she excited about things like travel? Maybe focus on the sort of thing she would miss out on or lose, if she was to start having sex now, and potentially get pregnant.

Also, tell her that the stats for getting pregnant through the pill (and therefore it's even worse for a condom), are significantly higher than for winning the lottery. I know at least 8 people that got pregnant through either of those methods, and I know no one that has won big on the lottery.

Lyndsey1975 Tue 07-Jan-14 14:18:46

I think she was asking for the condoms for now, and reading between the lines, she has already had sex.... sad

Flufflewuffle Tue 07-Jan-14 19:53:16

Oooh dear. I'd agree with you that 15 is definitely too young. sad I'm really not sure what you can do about it at this point, sorry. I'll watch this thread with interest so I can learn from any good advice too, as I'm sure there are many wise MNers out there that know far more about this stuff than I do.

fcknits Sun 12-Jan-14 16:35:52

I suspect you feel gutted because she is still your baby girl. (I guess I'd probably feel the same way.) It is great that she knows to use condoms - that is some real education there. I'm not sure what else to say other than: keep the conversation going because she'll end up doing it anyway and it's better to keep in the loop than for her to hide her behaviour and present you with a grandchild! I hope she is also on the pill, for extra protection. x

mary26 Tue 14-Jan-14 02:10:13

What to do when your child has been bullied since day one of school then your Childs best friend who helped him through the bad times goes off to be best friends with the bully boy? I know its only hurt feelings but i can't seem to explain or reason with my child he is so hurt. They are now in year three.

EMMAWOLLASTON Thu 16-Jan-14 08:34:19

I read a book with my daughter about bullying, and it really helped her. Maybe that is worth a try. ...

squarehatproductions Fri 17-Jan-14 13:19:47

Hi, I think that as she is in a caring relationship and is going to take precautions you should try not to worry (or think about it too much) hopefully she is waiting till she is 16 and just getting prepared. I know that I find it quite hard and almost gross to accept that my 14 year old son is becomming a sexual being. I have given him the facts and some advice on being in caring loving relationships and now I'm going try the ostrich approach.

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