Needing advice

(3 Posts)
lilmummzie Mon 29-Jul-13 10:54:29

Ok so this might be a long one.......

I have so many issues I dont really know where to start but I guess the beginning might be good. Well I am 24 and so far in my 24yrs I have been raped, sexually assaulted, been in an abusive relationship, had my mum take herion, her boyfriends verbally and physically abuse, had my mum walk out and leave me caring for my younger sister and all before the ripe old age of 18.

Due to this I never let any man get close to me until I met my OH and I completely fell head over heals for him and everything was perfect for a while. I started to realise he was lying and getting a bit over friendly with females. Told me he was going to spend time with his mum as he hadn't seen her in a while then I found out he was going to meet an ex ( he says he was also getting friends from college) he added a girl on facebook after telling me he couldn't stand her, if females text him he would just say he was doing stuff himself but if a male text him he would say he was doing stuff with me, he deleted his facebook and told me he only got a male friends number turned out he got the girls number he said he hated. Then he started going on msn alot and his phone book became full of random girls numbers and he had random girls text him then he would delete the texts all of this was while I was pregs with his baby. After baby was born he started work and I found out he was texting girls at work and deleting the texts before he got home. He deleted all girls numbers out his phone ( own his own I didn't ask him nor did I suggest it). That was last year since then things had been good then I discovered he had been going on the internet on private windows (he left it on one day nothing was on it tho) and he had turned his history off on his phone (he says he never done it he didn't even know you could do it) I should probs mention the when I was 37 weeks pregs I found out he had been on porn websites. Then the past 2 weeks hes been stayin up really late and one night I got up as I was too hot and he had said something about him being on you tube, I was on the laptop at this point and the volume was muted so I asked him what he was watching as I hadn't heard anything from the room to which I got a vague couple of words. My gut started to act up again so I checked history and sure enough no youtube on it so suspecting he had been on porn websites again I asked him and he said he had deleted it as he knew I would check. We argued (something we actually never do) he stormed out and I was left feeling like it was my fault like I'm crazy and it's all in my head.

Yesterday I was reading the news on his phone and saw that he had downloaded whatsapp so went on it and saw hes been texting my sister and not telling me (nothing flirty or anything) and he has turned off his notification for it. When I asked him why he said its annoying when it's constantly going off but he has notifications on for his texts on his phone and they keep going til you look at them.

Is this me am I crazy what do I do........????? I have no family (except my sis) to turn too and no friends of any kind. I'm soooooo alone someone plzzzzzzzz help me I'm loosing my mind.

OP’s posts: |
Heti Mon 29-Jul-13 18:43:19

You poor thing lilmummzie. Hopefully he will grow up and realise what he has under his nose.

Perhaps you should stop looking for evidence as you will always find something and it can easily look bad even if there was nothing bad intended.

He will always talk to other girls and if he knows you have a problem with it he will hide it by deleting messages etc. I know you only do it because you care but you are only hurting yourself.

Some men look at porn - it isn't really a reflection of how things are between you although it is unpleasant for you. You could tell him you don't have a problem with it but it maybe worries you he will become addicted to it and waste his time he could be spending with you and your baby.

Take Care xx

fcknits Tue 30-Jul-13 13:59:35

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult start in life, OP. sad

Men looking at porn isn't an indication of cheating. Many men like porn.

Having friends of the opposite sex isn't abnormal. My BFF is male - I've known him since childhood.

What you need to know - and deserve reassurance on - is what type of relationship he has with these women. If they are just friends, then that's okay! Is there any reason why you can't meet some of these friends? Are they truly all "random" acquaintances? Is he concealing the sex of his friends because he's worried about your reaction or is he concealing all contact with his friends? Etc, etc. And, re your sister, I don't feel the need to tell my husband every time I text one of his brothers! Your sister is family and she would surely tell you if he was being inappropriate towards her.

Are you still pregnant or have you had your baby? (You mention being 37 weeks, at one point.) Has your health visitor been to see you? Do you feel unusually upset or sad? It's normal to be extra emotional during and after pregnancy. Your local HV can and will provide support, if you need it. If you don't have her number, contact your local GP surgery and ask for her phone number.

Finally, if you are certain (not just suspicious) that he is cheating on you... You should seriously consider splitting up. You deserve monogamy and your baby deserves a stable family life. Men who are rotten partners aren't necessarily lousy dads! He can still be a great father to your baby, even if you aren't together anymore.

Best wishes xx

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