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My ex wants to take me to court over kids(4 Posts)
(I'm new to this site so i apologise for the long thread)
Almost 12months ago i split up with my ex, basically i was miserable and i had no life with him, i was made to feel worthless, he called me all the names under the sun infront of people, he mentally abused me, he accused me of everything even though i didnt go out anywhere and anywhere i did i took my children with me.
so 12months ago i'd had more than i can take and left, of course he was convinced i'd left him for someone else, which i didnt, so i lived at my dads for 6months in his spare room with the kids before i moved into my own rented home, we own a house together but he only offered me £6k to buy me out, the house is probably worth in the region of £150k with a £77k mortgage left on it so there would be a substantial profit if sold, but refused to give me anything higher than £6k because of what "i'd done to him" he tried refusing me entry to the house so i could take some furniture even though i practically paid for everything, so i decided to just walk away with nothing but a few items of furniture and not a penny to my name, i've managed to pick myself back up and move on, i am now with someone else who treats me like a princess, my children know and are happy and think he's great.
the problem is my ex has for almost 12months now bad mouthed me all over our town saying i've left him for someone else, and i'd been seeing this person for years, he has been bad mouthing me to my children when thy've stayed with him and calling me terrible names to them and being quite agressive in doing so, he's harrassing my friends when he sees them out shouting at them that thy've covered up for my "affair" for years, he's recently physically threatened a good friend of mine by grabbing him by the throat and in doing so threatened another close friend saying that he was coming for him too, i went on a holiday with my new partner for his 40th birthday a few weeks ago and i left my children in his care, when i returned my daughter who is 10 was absolutely infested with nits, and she was in agony, her head was red raw through scratching and her scalp was full of bites, i was furious, he also refuses to pay me any maintenance for the kids as he said he will not fund my lifestyle and line my pockets, i learned he'd been trying to turn my children against me while i was away on holiday, calling me names and trying to say i'd done all sorts of stuff while we were together which is completely untrue as my ex has done some terrible things to me over the years one of which resulted in me being in hospital for a week extremley poorly, but for the sake of my family i stayed.
it all came to a head a few days ago, as i'd come back off holiday i found all this out that he's been harrasing my friends, he'd physically threatened 2 of my other close friends, my daughter was infested with nits plus what he'd been saying to my children, i snapped (which i never did when we were together as i was terrified of him) i told him he's to stay away from my children unless he stops all this rubbish and leaves me alone and gets on with his life, him and his friends are to stop harrasing and threatening people around me, plus he's meant to look after his children when they are with him and he neglected her for over a week, as it was the worst case of nit infestation i had ever seen but he is now threatening to take me to court over access of the kids and i should get a good solicitor as its goin to get very embarrasing for me. i dont see how as all i am doin is trying to protect my children from this man, he's lying, mentally abusing, harrasing, wont part with a penny to support his children but still wants all this rights and access, can somebody please give me some concrete advice, as i dont want my children to be dragged through court but he wont meet me half way and admit that he's wrong in what he's doing, and take some responsibility, i've told him that he can sort all this himself and all he has to is stop what we've had to put up with over the 12months and his little 3man army out and about threatening and harrassing anyone who's linked to me, and he's to be a father to his kids instead of mentally abusing them with all the rubbish he used to fill my head with.
please help i'm at my wits end with this man, he's making my life hell and hurting my children terribly
To start with, I wouldn't worry about court it is not as scary as it seems...
They will not care if he makes up lies and will not care even if you were having an affair and what the reason was for the split, the courts are purely interested in what is best for the children.
I would start by keeping a diary of all incidents that involve the children, the way they are and behave before after contact with their Dad.
I represented myself in court (eventually when funding ran out for solicitors) and it was no detriment to the children, judges take into account that you do not know all the legal jargon and sympathise with the people who cannot afford solicitors.
If I were you, I would advise going to court yourself, it will cost £200 to start the proceedings to request supervised contact as you feel he is mentally abusing the children. This way you will not be on the back foot if he takes you and have to defend yourself so to speak. The courts may even add a 'non-molestation' order which will stop him being able to contact you directly or indirectly (through your friends).
Cafcass will likely get involved dependant on the ages of your children.
It can be a long road, and sometimes it isn't easy but if you can I would start this sooner rather than later as in my experience these things tend to get worse before they get better.
(This is coming from someone who seperated 6 years ago and the police have just charged my ex with harrassment and he has a restraining order and a non-molestation order and he now has no contact at all with his children) I wish I had been stronger in the 1st place and lots of what has happened could maybe have been avoided.
Thank you so much for your reply, you have given some good advice.
I will probably be in the same boat as you as I won't be able to afford massive solicitors fee's etc :-(
The keeping a record of all incidents and how they are when they come back from him is a good idea thanks for that, I just want to be left alone and my children be happy.
Immediately start the diary (that's what they say in consultancies anyway). Never mention it to him. Document everything. If kids came infested with nits - make a photo, go to GP, put the date, all the prescription, what the doctor said. With any incident like this - do the same.
Anyway I do not understand why you leave kids with him? If it is court decision, then demand supervised time.