Are you completely public with your blogs?

[peekyboo]

I wondered how many of you felt wary about 'going public' with family and friends about your blogs?
My current blog (www.thewishatree.com) is based around my writing and everyday life and I've been more than happy to share it with everyone I know. But I've recently started a separate blog, about being an adult woman with Aspergers and I had a looong moment where I had to ask myself, Am I happy for people I know to see this?
I've decided I must do it, as I've spent most of my life being different from others and it's not as if they haven't noticed! But it was a leap of faith, to put it out there. It's a very personal blog, with lots of details about my thoughts and feelings, but I think it's essential for it to be this way, otherwise the blog would be useless to people who may be helped by it.
(It's on aspie-girl.blogspot.co.uk/ but isn't yet on the mumsnet network as I've only recently submitted it for review.)
I'd be interested in knowing how others have coped with potentially personal or revelatory blogs that can be identified with them.
Amanda

[pebbles77]

I just wanted to quickly post that I've read your new blog and it blew me away. Well done you, such a brave thing to do and I can't imagine how helpful for anyone in the same position or knowing people in the same position. Keep writing. I'll definitely keep reading. Well done xxx

[peekyboo]

Thanks so much Pebbles! It means a lot to get that kind of feedback, especially as it took quite a bit of courage to write it - and to make myself identifiable at the same time! X

[EllieAllAtSea]

Hi there, yes my blog All At Sea is completely public. This didn't occur to me until I wrote a very personal post about recurrent miscarriage. I think my mum was surprised I had been so open about this. But why not? In being open I may help someone else... It doesn't bother me that anyone can read it... but I do sometimes wonder about what my parents will think. This is ridiculous!! I am 36! I look forward to having a look at your blog, good luck with Mumsnet sumbmission x

[EllieAllAtSea]

Sorry! Got that link wrong... its //allatseascotland.blogspot.co.uk

[MmeLindor]

Peeky
What a lovely blog. You really gave me insight into the world of a person with Aspergers.

I am 'open' but not not open, as I blog and write under a pseudonym. Not for myself really, but for my family as we have a very unusual surname and anyone googling me would then find my family.

I share as much as I feel comfortable with but do find myself holding back a bit now that I have more readers, and more RL friends read my blog.

[MmeGuillotine]

I'm fairly open but keep a lot of things under wraps as loads of my family and friends read my blog. I have made the occasional personal post though over the years but they're a rarity. It's not an anonymous blog though as I use my real name for my writing career so there's no point keeping my identity a secret.

However, I also have Aspergers and made a decision right at the start not to discuss it on my blog as I hate talking about it. I should imagine plenty of people who read my blog guess that I have it anyway though! ;)

Good luck! :)

[choochy]

Hi all,

You're all very brave! My blog is fairly personal - about living day to day with multiple sclerosis. But then, I think it's positive to write about the ups and downs and also to let people know that life DOES go on...and also that there can be a (very) funny/daft side to it too.
Saying that, I don't want to be immediately identifiable, as I have a fairly unusual name....
Choochy at //www.stumblinginflats.com

[peekyboo]

Thanks for all the replies!
I'm also a writer, writing under my real name, so there was that moment where I thought: I either go the whole hog and come out as an aspie, with my name, visible to anyone who googles me, including people I know but don't know well...or I blog the aspieness under a pseudonym and make it as personal as I like.
I decided to go with the fully public side, as I've reached the stage where I think, okay then, off we go! I've had a very emotional and revelatory year in my personal life which has put a lot of things in perspective.
Also, I did wonder about losing friends or even business, as I also work as a private tutor. But I'm hoping to make the writing more of the career than the tutoring, so I decided I couldn't let that influence me.
So I've jumped right in and then worried afterwards. Though not so much as I might have done as I've had some very nice messages.
I think, similar to some of you, I've felt by baring all I might help other people - how many of us have been helped by reading things online where someone has shared their innermost thoughts and feelings?
Thanks again for the comments!
Amanda

[peekyboo]

I should add a PS _ I do worry slightly about having my full name out there, as I don't have such a common name and if anyone were to cross-reference my other blogs with facebook and the like, I could be found, or my family could. It's a scary thought but I decided to go ahead and do it anyway (then move house later lol).

[Gusthetheatrecat]

It is an interesting question, isn't it? I have been struggling a bit with 'going public' with people I know and my blog. And my blog is about doing up the house, so really pretty innocuous.
I think what I'm doing is trying it out slowly. So I told my reading group. Then I linked up the blog to my twitter account, which some people I know in real life follow me on. Then I have told other people one by one, "I'm doing some blogging" and I tell them the URL when they ask.
I am working up to posting on facebook when I update, which I can't quite bring myself to do yet!

There is also an interesting question about overlapping online identities. This Mumsnet username, for example, is my 'public' one, in that it is linked to my blog, where you can find out my name, see my picture, etc. I have another one, which I used to use (not that often) which is an anonymous one...

I think fundamentally, however much or little personal info you reveal, there is something a bit unBritish about telling people that you write a blog. Something quite 'lookatme'ish about it! Particularly since blogs are self-published and therefore unmediated by anyone professional making a judgement about what you write (as opposed to, say writing a book or a newspaper column).

[DillyTante]

I'm actually pretty reserved, even under a pseudonym. A lot of my friends and family (and boss) read my blog so that tempers what I say. I think that is a good thing though as I have been on here a long time (under a diff name) and been a real over sharer, stuff that I really wouldn't want to be associated with me. Someone with a modicum of tenacity could link it all up but not too easily I hope.

I just think it is very easy to post in the heat of a moment or the middle of an episode and regret it later.

I mention my children but give them different names, but never pictures where they are identifiable. I haven't tried too hard to disguise where I live though.

[WomanlyWoman]

I'm reserved to a degree. I do tweet my blog posts, but don't fb them. I have a lot of family on fb but only really 'know' a handful of ppl on Twitter, so it's more anonymous, although like others have said I imagine anyone who wanted to could join up the dots without too much trouble. I wouldn't post identifiable pics of my daughter or use her name, but apart from that I don't have anything to hide. I don't particularly want to be really open on a public blog either. I admire those who do it though.

[peekyboo]

Do you think you may be more reluctant to share your full identity on things like Facebook because of the way FB encourages you to be friends with so many people you either know a tiny bit, as well as family and real friends?
I think it can be almost as scary letting your family and close friends see the online version of you, as it is letting people you know a little see more of the real you by pointing them to your blog. Does that make sense? I guess it's all about what we are comfortable sharing in different environments.
I still haven't gone completely public on Facebook and I finally realised why with my latest blog post - it's because there are so many people from school on there, and a lot of my painful aspie-inspired experiences happened at school. Added to that, most people who knew me at school saw me as a very quiet, high-achieving academic type who wouldn't say boo to a goose. Now, if they click through to my blog they can see the real me, the one who had all that turmoil bubbling away inside, sometimes caused by them!
I suppose, in the end, it comes down to self-protection vs aspiration. Do I value enough what I want to achieve with the blog to open myself up, not only to strangers, but to people who I may see when I'm doing my shopping?
I've decided the answer is yes, though I still have the flutter in the stomach when I think about it!
Amanda
www.aspie-girl.blogspot.co.uk/

[rainbowbrite1980]

I wrote a blog a ifew years ago about my recovery from anorexia, and I was also interviewed in The Times, and on Radio 4. Like you I had spent a large part of my life trying to guard this secret and feeling different, and I was apprehensive about people's reactions to being so public, but the reaction was overwhelmingly positive. The only person who didn't really like it was my mum, who didn't see the point in being public about it, but other people in the family were proud and showed it to their friends, considering it a brave thing to do.
In my current blog I am openly identifiable, the only thing i do not include is my childrens full names. In both blogs I have been careful that i am only writing about ym own information, not about other people, family members etc.
I think your blog is fantastic. Iyou should be proud :-)i

[peekyboo]

Thank you so much rainbowbrite!
I think I'm taking the same approach as you, though without properly planning it that way. Hopefully I'll have the same positive reactions too!

[borninastorm]

My blog is open for all to read but I write anonymously as mumtoteens and refer to my teenagers as teengirl and teenboy.

I am very honest in my blog about parenting my teenagers and especially about the problems they've gone through and go through (eg we've had several blogs about teen suicide and how teengirl has dealt with the suicide of her friend and teenboy's post traumatic stress).

I'm very open with their feelings and emotions, as well as mine, and I don't think they'd appreciate their friends, my friends or our family being able to read all this and know it's about us. And that is why it is totally anonymous.

mum to teens

[peekyboo]

No, I can understand being anonymous when it involves your children so much. I do mention my children in my blogs, but it's in passing or when it relates to my story in some way. I think I would have taken a different approach if it came so close to their feelings and such intimate events in their lives.

[HomelessMummy]

I am completely private with my blog. I just feel more comfortable that way really.

I have recently told my brother about it and knowing him, he would have searched but I said to him if he found me I didn't want to know.

It's helped me be more open I think. In real life I am often the one saying 'oh I'm fine!' and I didn't want to do that with the blog. It's much easier detailing how I'm falling apart some days to complete strangers.

Sometimes I fantasise about adding a link on facebook and saying 'no I' not bloody OK and this is why! Now stop picking on me and be more supportive!' but I won't

Most of my facebook friends don't know what is happening to us at all. And I think I like it that way really.

[peekyboo]

I can understand that, HM, and I felt the same way before I did this blog. I fon't know what changed, really. I think I've been building up to a reaction like your idea for Facebook for a long time. It's been a heck of a year for me and my family and it's put a lot of things in perspective. I've changed a few things about my life in that time and I think I just decided, 'what does it matter?'
We spend so much of our lives behaving in a way we think is right, to please other people, make ourselves feel better or whatever. I just got to the point of wanting to be myself and, in doing so, maybe help other people avoid some of the struggles I've been through.
I completely understand your need for total privacy, though. Bizarrely, I am a very private person - usually! I think I must be on some emotional toboggan, hurtling down the hill! There's no stopping me until the journey is finished, hopefully without aq big bump at the bottom!
Amanda

[VeganBody]

Hi,
Yes, I've 'come out' (so to speak!) as being me on my blog. It's mortifying to start with, but its ok now!
//Www.veganbody.net
Good luck!

[peekyboo]

Funny, isn't it, just how mortifying it is?!
It's turned out to be a good way to find new friends and, sometimes, to lose track of the old ones.

Amanda