Crying at home because police made me realise I am not English

(146 Posts)
MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 02:56:01

I am an intelligent, educated, powerful woman who loved UK. It is the only place where hindus and muslims engage on an equal footing ( I say this because when I was in Bangladesh my gran would not visit her muslim neighbours but that is the norm) I loved the UK, but today I cried.

I am worthless, I am nobody, I don't matter...I am ASIAN, I am BLACK.
Despite paying my taxes and contributing to society I am SHIT, I am worthless, I am nothing (Gandhi fought to make us equal but he failed.....)

I was stood waiting outside a club, I had ordered a cab and I was going to wait outside for my Addision Lee.
I am 7 1/2 stome (obviously a fat arse)
On a pavement in London ( where people must obviously be smaller than me)
When I was asked to move away from the club because I was blocking the way

Oops being 7 1/2 stone I took up all the space

Despite explaining that I was waiting for a cab, I was asked to move to the corner of the road.

I explained that I was waiting for a cab.
The chap became stroppy stating I should go (not very nicely).
As I had explained to him the cab was coming to the place.
He got cross.
Trying to use my brain (why did I bother!) I explained that legally I was entitled to stand where I was ( I couldn't understand what was going on..I didn't like the way he had spoken to me,,,I even explained how much I had spent in the club when the person was being silly- £300+!)


i SAID GO ON THEN ...Really I thought the POLICE have better things to do!!! Don't they???

In the meantime someone was taking a film....I don't know why..

The police turned up, and I stupidly thought they would listen

They didn't ...I was in the wrong

For some reason someone who was 7 1/2 stone was preventing people walking past the pavement. Due to this, people were crossing on to the road, and I was causing a nuisance.
I asked the police men, are you taking the Micheal and they said NO! I even said " listen to what you are saying re: someone who is 7 1/2 stone (okay I said 6) who is taking up ALL of the pavement....

I am so sorry because I am unable to articulate how SHIT they made me feel.
Bullied, Bullied, Bullied RACIST SHITS.
I AM NOT that time of person to make such comments but I HATE YOU for making me say this.
Even when I rationised with them and explained I have friends who are policemen and I understood the challenges they were going through they were horrible.

I even said to them, do you really want to do this.
Even when they threatened to arrest me, I asked why what is the basis (I spouted some meaningless human rights I learnt from uni, and even explained I have a friend who is a policeman, and that I understood their concern)

Shit, shit, shit,
(an idiot was filiming me but I am not sure why as I was rationalised - me thinks)

Best thing was that this lady from the club came out and I explained that you don't own the pavement, I was just waiting for my addision lee. She suggested it would be nice if I stood at the corner and I asked why?

I defended myself,

Why can't I wait on that pavement, you don't own it ...the police didn't agree with me ( I am repeating myself I know because this is SHIT and I am upset!)

And now I am crying, I thought I was English. I even defended England to a Scottish man tonight

I have described the above very nicely but all I know is thanks to tonight I'm NOT English, and I don't want my family to go through the RACIST shit I had to go through to night (the above is a very polite version of stuff...but I cried all the way home when I realised some SHIT ARSE has made be lose my Identity, and that the police who I THOUGT stood up for you would do...

But now I have to accept what my dad said to me, you may think your English BUT don't forget you're BROWN.
Thank you for proving my dad right!

OP’s posts: |
MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 03:09:19

I feel so bad, how can I look at me nieces / nephews anymore when I know there are double standards because of the skin tone?

OP’s posts: |
1950sHousewife Fri 15-Jun-12 03:20:03

Um, can I ask you how much you've had to drink tonight? Or is it that you are very upset that you are writing the way you are? I can imagine you are upset, did anyone actually say anything about it being the way you looked that caused them to call the police?

Off topic. What's an addison lee?

rubyrubyruby Fri 15-Jun-12 03:27:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rubyrubyruby Fri 15-Jun-12 03:33:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalamityJones Fri 15-Jun-12 04:14:20

The doorman asked you to move, you refused, the situation escalated. Sounds like you were being drunk (£300? Really?) and daft whether you're black, white or skybluepink. Nothing in your post suggests racism to me.

MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 04:39:55

I actually spent the money buying people drinks and was waiting on the pavement for my cab (that's the addison lee)
I am a really tough cookie (me thinks) and I get the fact people are emotional etc after drinks but I was waiting for a cab
The police chappies weren't so great..I was given the option to move because I was stood outside the club (that is where the cab was turning up I had no option....) or be arrested as I was told because I was stood there. Okay maybe I am being a bit silly but that wasn't required especially on a public pathway, and when the policeman had actually pushed me twice quite harshly and I asked him really you just did that? I was just stood waiting for my cab, stood still, minding my own business, So...perhaps I agree if people say they have been incapable of doing anything...which I wasn't I was stupid enough to stand outside...and you know what in all my years this is the first time w I am really trying to think what was the justification for their behaviour was. And when I said pushed it was 2 shoves, and I don't understand when someone is stood on a pavement stood still waiting for a cab how that situation can be escalated. I was stupid enough to say the cab was expecting me outside the club, if that means I escalated the situation I accept I did...

OP’s posts: |
LaAmanda Fri 15-Jun-12 04:42:51

You sound a tad difficult and irrational in my opinion and I'm taking what you say with a pinch of salt.

MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 04:44:51

So you know I know what happened wasn't due to being silly I have raised a formal complaint with the police - I am not the type of person to do so (I even apologised numerous times to the person on the phone)...but the guys were being racist. I a so sorry that I can not articulate properly but all I know is it wasn't right. If that makes me silly okay

OP’s posts: |
MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 04:47:19

I don't think that standing on a pavement waiting for a cab, and being accosted by the police, and being upset about this is irrational...but if that makes me difficult c'est la vie

OP’s posts: |
CalamityJones Fri 15-Jun-12 04:51:32

Honestly, I'd let this one go. Forget it and move on. And I still don't get how they were racist.

LaAmanda Fri 15-Jun-12 04:59:07

and it's "I was standing", not "stood". You should have been arrested for that if nothing else smile

TheBossofMe Fri 15-Jun-12 05:04:02

I don't understand why any of this was racist. I'm Asian and have been on the receiving end of a fair amount of racist abuse - I don't see any here.

MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 05:06:04

Hi get what u mean.
Understand when people have complained about things in the past which I did not understand because there was no clear "thing" but I am not going to let this one go.
I do however appreciate your advice, and thank you because I know you are coming from a good place.
Will use this as an eye opener - just because someone doesn't make a sexist remark, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen...


OP’s posts: |
CalamityJones Fri 15-Jun-12 05:07:27

If someone doesn't do something then no, actually, it doesn't happen...

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Fri 15-Jun-12 05:11:28

* just because someone doesn't make a sexist remark, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen...*


Tbh OP, you do sound a bit pissed. Are you telling us you havent been drinking at all?

TheBossofMe Fri 15-Jun-12 05:13:39


MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 05:20:02

LaAmanda..Your comment made me smile (thank you..and giggle!)

@TheBossMe, I haven't been able to express myself properly but believe me it was. The only way I can explain is if you are conversing rationally with someone, and assessing the pros and cons, all of a sudden someone states something, and there is no rhyme or reason for it, and you ask why, you draw your own conclusions.
Believe me I not a trouble maker or someone who is in search of a "campaign", I not the type. The only reason I put this post up was that I was astonished by what had happened.
I only truly wish I could articulate myself more clearly but I can't. and I only put it on mums net because I wanted to see if anyone else had had the same experience as me. Perhaps, as you and someone else mentioned this should not be on the forum but personally I believe just because someone does not make a direct comment does not mean it isn't....perhaps I am being too sensitive in which case you are right. I should take it on my chin.....

OP’s posts: |
MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 05:21:58

Actually no, I am not pissed but many thanks for the concern. I do confess I should spell check my posts (apologies) but at the moment writing up a business plan (hence I am up replying to posts)....

OP’s posts: |
CalamityJones Fri 15-Jun-12 05:23:08

I'd leave the business plan for now!

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII Fri 15-Jun-12 05:27:58

So, let's get this straight - did anyone actually say anything racist to you?

Re: them 'owning' the pavement I think there will probably be some rule/law about business premises and the immediate area around the entrance and their right to ask others not to impede access to the place of business.

The job of the doormen will be to keep the entrance area as clear as possible for health and safety reasons, and crowd control/security reasons, and it sounds to me as if the whole thing escalated unnecessarily because you were being obstructive (literally and figuratively) and refused to comply with a simple, sensible request.

Bearing in mind how many groups of very drunk. very rowdy people they have all loitering immediately outside and looking for trouble, can you not have seen their point and perhaps been a tiny bit more co-operative? They have to apply the rule evenly and fairly - they can't let you off just because you are a 7 stone brown person. hmm

If someone was filming you there's a fair chance you were being rather erm.....lets' just say 'entertaining'.

So did you openly accuse the police and the doorman of being racist? I think you did, didn't you? Oh dear.

TheBossofMe Fri 15-Jun-12 05:29:32

If you can't articulate what was racist on here, I'd say you have no chance in a formal legal setting.

And yes, if you were being filmed, its probably because you were behaving like an idiot.

mathanxiety Fri 15-Jun-12 05:45:53

You can draw any conclusion you like but a conclusion drawn with no factual basis is still not a fact. It is a feeling.

And the fact that you are Asian and the police asked you to move doesn't mean they are racists. It means you were in a place where the police do not allow people to stand for any period no matter how much they weigh. They asked you to move because if they let you stay there they would have to let everyone stay there, waiting for taxis or waiting for friends or for whatever reason, and they would have to wade through crowds if they ever had to get into the club fast plus having tipsy crowds waiting outside clubs means fights break out or people spill onto the street. My guess is that you were treated exactly the same as everyone else who ever tried standing there -- that is why the police came as soon as the club doorman called; I would guess that nobody is allowed to loiter right outside the club.

I would also guess that the police had no time for rational discussions or weighing up the pros and cons of different approaches to the problem of where you were going to stand, your human rights, how much you weighed -- as you point out, they do in fact have more important things to do with their time than debate with an individual outside a club who doesn't seem to understand the simple thing that is being asked of her. You didn't get special treatment because of your small size or because of your circumstances (waiting for your taxi) and that is the quintessence of equality. Not racism.

I don't know why you couldn't have gone to the corner and flagged down your taxi when you saw it, or contacted the company and told them you were at the corner and not outside the club.

Check youtube to see if that video of you making a bit of an eejit of yourself ever shows up.

SaraBellumHertz Fri 15-Jun-12 05:51:18

Op I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and I can tell you if I had just left an establishment where I had spent money and was waiting to be picked up I would be hugely pissed off if I was asked to move on. Seriously WTAF?!

If the policeman pushed you as you mention then you were assaulted. Regardless of whether this was racist I am not sure what on earth there is to be gained by pushing a tiny woman who is doing nothing but allegedly standing somewhere a twattish doorman would prefer she didn't. Hardly acting proportionally to the apparent threat.

Op I am sorry you are upset, I agree someone can be racist without actually calling you a racist name: I have never been refused entry to a bar or club, had difficulty in gettibg assistance in a store, not been taken seriously or suffered particular rudeness whilst out an about. Indeed people tend to go out of their way to help and assist. Havibg lived all over the world I have come to understand this has much to do with me being a white, middle class, attractive and apparently wealthy woman and that these basic courtesys that I take for granted are not afforded everyone. An explanation is not always given. It doesn't have to be sad

However you also sound a little "tired and emotional" so maybe things will seem a little better after a good nights sleep.

MillyAndFriends Fri 15-Jun-12 08:11:15

I actually realised one thing and it hit me when I was reading the comments, I was stupid enough to make myself vulnerable by having had a drink.
I am the idiot who always tries to rationalise everything to a point of madness.
I think the reason the chap was trying to film him is because he was using that as a means to scare me - me being me I tried and filmed him back out of principle.
I think the reason I am emotional and not happy is I actually figured out you can't have principles, and rationalize with people if something is unfair. As someone has pointed out, no body has time to rationalize and be principled when it's busy around.
The point I have learnt is to not make myself vulnerable so I can leave myself completely clear (from an outsider's perspective so that I don't come across like the Boy who cried wolf).
This episode has made me want to be tee-total so that I be taken seriously.
Thank you for the comments, I always value other peoples opinions.
Your comments have really made me think about things. Many thanks, and have a good day.

OP’s posts: |

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