New job troubles

[Handyangy]

I recently started a new job. I was offered two other jobs one fully remote with the same salary as this job, another paying more but requiring me to be in the office once a week. I told the recruiter that this was the case and I would be withdrawing my application.

He called and swayed me on this job, insisting it was one day a week in the office and flex work and I would have toom to grow and many opportunities as jt was a new department starting up with a niche interest and the bonus would bring me up th
To the latter job's salary so I took it. First red flag should be the other jobs provided the contract immediately and this job I started hasn't even given me a contract yet and I'm concerned I won't make payroll this month which would be an absolute trainwreck for me as I am in desperate need of the money.

The worst thing however is I have chronic back pain and cannot walk more than 20 to 50m without being in significant pain. The result is obviously massive weight gain and I am morbidly obese which I am trying to fix, but my manager who I asked to clarify what flex work meant and she confirmed was only one day a week has asked me to come in everyday this week and a couple of days next week. Not only am I tired and in extreme pain from the commute (walking to the train station, climbing up several stairs, you can imagine how difficult it is to commute on the underground with mobility issues esp with some stations not equipped for disabled people). The pain is unbearable and I am a sweaty mess. I can manage one day a week as I can up early and take 90minutes for a 40 minute commute with plenty of breaks and allow myself to catch my breath.

This is not tenable for me. How do I address this. I like the job and could understand having to come in for training but wish this had been clarified beforehand as I would have said it didn't work for me and they could have withdrawn their offer.

What do I do?

[NurseButtercup]

Speak to HR, get you missing contract sorted ASAP.

ask to be referred to occupation health.

Recontact the recruiter for the other job to see if it's still available or to consider you if similar vacancies come up again.

[1Saymynamesaymyname]

It sounds like they've misled you. As poster above has said, get in touch with HR.

[Handyangy]

I do feel misled. I agreed to come in one day this week but refused the next. I also have a one year old who is in nursery and because it takes me so long to commute an arguably short distance because of the walking between transfers, it means I have to arrange for someone to pick her up.

This just doesn't work. I live two doors down from the nursery so wfh means she gets home minutes after I finish work and not picked up at 6:30 only to get home after 7pm.

I did suspect something might be iffy about this job and didn't outright turn the other job down just asked for a start date 3 months out. I think I will have to take the other job. I really hate this.

My direct line is inexperienced and very much focused on presenteeism as well as not being very capable. She seems to micromanage a lot and I honestly can't deal with it. Tbh the rest of the company seems fine and my actual boss/manager is focused on results and hands off, but this woman is killing me. How can you say it's flex work and then suddenly spring it on someone that they have to come in every day. It costs money to arrange childcare outside of nursery hours and I have incurred additional expenses I was not expecting.

[VodkaSlimline]

Quit, and take the other job!

[Handyangy]

I'd also appreciate any advice on getting my doctor to take my mobility issues seriously. The stock answer is just lose weight as it is due to obesity.

Firstly I'm 30lbs more than I weighed at the end of my pregnancy with my DD. Before that I was always very active even as an overweight/obese person and pregnant I still walked and jogged in 6 to 10 miles a day, spent all day on my feet at work, swam and was.a very active person until the say I have birth.

I had an epidural during birth and since then I have struggled to walk properly due to really bad back pain. The reason I have only gained 30lbs instead of a 100lbs or more is because I watch what I eat because the drastic drop in activity is shocking to anyone who knows me. I can barely walk

I had an x-ray after insisting and there was nothing hnusual so she has reiterated investigations are a waste of time because of my weight. I think I have a birth injury. It's not normal to still be in so much pain for over 20 months and the only pain relief she will subscribe is paracetamol and cocodamol which are useless and provide no relief whatsoever.

[RedMarauder]

I did suspect something might be iffy about this job and didn't outright turn the other job down just asked for a start date 3 months out. I think I will have to take the other job. I really hate this.

Talk to HR and then prepare yourself to resign from this job.

Also in future never take a job where the commute is difficult for you due to childcare or health reasons even if they state they only want you in once a month. Only because they can change it at anytime.


In regards to your health - go on to your council website and see if they have any free/subsidised weight loss courses and follow the steps to get on one. (For people who are non-white ethnicities they now expect your BMI to be around 23.) Once you are on one and losing weight as you will still be in pain, go back to your GP again and complain about the pain.

Unfortunately some GPs, regardless of your ethnicity, will blame any symptoms and signs on being overweight even when it's not the underlying cause, or the cause of weight gain is the medication they have put you on.

[NurseButtercup]

@RedMarauder

I did suspect something might be iffy about this job and didn't outright turn the other job down just asked for a start date 3 months out. I think I will have to take the other job. I really hate this.

Talk to HR and then prepare yourself to resign from this job.

Also in future never take a job where the commute is difficult for you due to childcare or health reasons even if they state they only want you in once a month. Only because they can change it at anytime.

In regards to your health - go on to your council website and see if they have any free/subsidised weight loss courses and follow the steps to get on one. (For people who are non-white ethnicities they now expect your BMI to be around 23.) Once you are on one and losing weight as you will still be in pain, go back to your GP again and complain about the pain.

Unfortunately some GPs, regardless of your ethnicity, will blame any symptoms and signs on being overweight even when it's not the underlying cause, or the cause of weight gain is the medication they have put you on.

I've recently started following this 12 week weight loss program. I've found it to be quite helpful.

www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/12-week-weight-management-programme/about-this-programme

[Handyangy]

Thank you everyone. I will try those weightless programs. It is unfair I have to lose weight first to get my pain taken seriously. I struggle to do so without exercise but I will do my best. I have been wfh this week and everything is much better. You are right about never taking a job even if the commute is difficult for one day. I have put in my notice.

[TooCloseToTheProject]

Hi OP, have you tried an osteopath for help with your back? I had a friend who had back trouble (2 epidurals) and she tried one.

[Handyangy]

Hi @TooCloseToTheProject

No. I an going to try. I'm willing to try anything if I gives me a chance of being normal again. I look at people walking at ease and comfortably and try to remember the last time I did that and how I didn't know it was going to change dramatically. I'm open. I will post an update here when I find one.

[Fkrkrodps]

I was also going to suggest an osteopath. A good one can work miracles. Best of luck, OP.

[StartingGrid]

Is there any chance they only wanted you in initially just so you got to grips with the role, or is this not the sort of position where you need inital training?

I would personally want to speak to the recruiter to ask them why what they have told you is actually not the case - it could perhaps be that the person who advertised the role isn't aware your manager is expecting full office attendance, but if they are knowingly misadvertising roles then they deserve to lose their fee assuming you decide to leave!

[Handyangy]

The recruiter told me one day a week. My manager also seems to want me in when they are in, despite them being in meetings all day. The role requires some training which is self assessed online and that my manager cannot help me with as it is very technical and they are non-technical, also i prefer to be in on days they prefer to be home and this just doesnt work for me. I still have the other fully remote job but the company has quite a bad reputation for requiring travel with no notice and I'm a single mum.

I like the current role itself, but I have upcoming interviews and will probably take either role if offered as flex work is key for me given my health and wanting work life balance for me and my little girl.

[TortolaParadise]

@handyangy How are you doing? I hope all has worked out for you.

[ExquisitePeach]

@Handyangy Please ask your GP to refer you to physiotherapy. In some areas you can self-refer so it's worth a quick Google.