Work? yes, but definitely started in school.
Remember being around 5 (must have been because I moved school at 6/7), and this white girl wanting me to play a game I didn't want to play. So I didn't. I also had friends playing with me. Little girl insisted, I said no as was just fine living my own life doing whatever the heck I was doing at 5 years old. My friends were also happy playing with me. She ran and told the 'dinner lady' (usually in those days it was just a parent of a child at the school - do they still do that?! I surely hope not!). White girl cried. Yup. You know what came next. I was accused of bullying and sent to go and stand facing the wall for the rest of play.
I won't ever forget that playtime because even at that young age I realised what her crying meant, what was happening. I remember feeling wretched and powerless. I saw that white + female + tears meant game over. But you know what? I just took the punishment. I didn't cry. I tried to. But I couldn't. It just wasn't in me. I felt anger and injustice. It was so shaming to stand there with my back to the playground. Just awful. Remember, these are our formative years. These are big lessons to be learning. After that I made a point to play with the Asian and black kids and remember edging away when white girls came over (which they always did because we had such great games, right?!) because I just didn't want the trouble. But I saw that wall many times, let me tell you, just for having an opinion. If you had.a disagreement with a white girl and her tears came, your heart just sank because you knew as she turned and ran to the dinner lady, it was game over. Sometimes you might even just start walking over to the wall to save time. This is the 1980s/90s.
Fast forward to just before covid. So, for background, I'm very qualified. I'm not blowing my own trumpet. I have to have a bachelors and doctorate (at least) to do my job. There are v few black people in my job because it's high selective and discrimination is rife. A younger black woman in another professional role but within my team is having trouble with a (racist?) manager. My black colleague is going through disciplinary procedures. I TELL ALL THE YOUNG BLACK WORKERS TO SIGN UP TO THE UNION. But this young woman did not take heed. So she asks me to accompany her to the meetings. I do. During the meeting with her mgr, HR, the works, I am her ally. Meeting has quite good outcome for my girl, considering, and her job is saved. She lives to see another day.
Coincidence? One week later I'm called to a meeting about me (must foray into the past for the background on this one. One year or so before all this disciplinary meeting business, a white female member of staff whom you might say is junior to me is co-working a client. Client tells me she does not 'like' my colleague. This is impacting her trust and the way our work is going. I tell colleague about this with a view to seeing what can be done about it. Colleague goes to a colleague who is not my direct manager but is probably senior to me and is same mgr who attended the disciplinary meeting about the black worker to tell her that hearing that made her feel so low and depressed that she can hardly get up in the morning to come in to work. Which is ofcourse just a proxy for white women's tears.) That manager calls me in to a meeting with my supervisor to discuss that some members of the team think I am too direct and blunt in my way of speaking - not that I've said anything wrong, just they don't like how I speak. That this upsets them, and she brings up the aforementioned event (by this time about a year had gone by). Manager talks about it as though lots of people have made this comment when I actually think I get on quite well with the team. Manager won't tell me who has made the other comments, nor what they relate to, nor really even what they are. So, my personality is the issue. I am the issue. I am the most professionally qualified person in the team. Please remember this. I might not be the most senior, but on paper I am the most qualified. I'm a black woman. To do my job to the best fo my ability I feel I need to be in the centre of things, so I literally place myself on a desk in the middle of the office. However, following this meeting, I go straight back to my desk. Pack up my things. Move to where the black workers sit. They ask me how come it took me so long. Almost an exact re-run of my response at 5 because these people don't change, so I still just need to leave them alone.
This is everyday life for us. Every day.