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Any one else with big age gap?

(20 Posts)
EEC Thu 20-Mar-08 17:59:28

I have DS (will be 12) and DD (10), and expecting in July. It was very much planned, and we are happy, but am starting to get nervous about the big impact on the other two, (and on DH and me!). Anyone else in the same situation?

The children are excited, which is great, but I know the reality will be different from their expectations. What can I expect?

OP’s posts: |
PABLOP Thu 20-Mar-08 19:27:16

me 20 years! That's probably not much help to you as dd is an adult, there are definetley a few about hopefully somebody will see your thread soon.

Congratulations by the way!

hedgepig Thu 20-Mar-08 20:23:39

I can come at it form being the older sibling of a much younger brother. I have 2 brothers one 2 yrs younger and one 14 yrs younger and tbh I get on better with my youngest brother rather than the one closest to my age. They will probably be interested in their younger sibling but have no appreciation about how much work a newborn is for you and any concept that their current life may be impacted. My neighbour has a 10 yr gap between her 2 youngest and they seem to get on fine.

EEC Thu 20-Mar-08 20:34:52

Thanks for that hedgepig.

Good for you PABLOP. I think that's great.

OP’s posts: |
mutha2beagain Thu 20-Mar-08 20:51:00

I have a seven year age gap - DS1 is 7 and I have a newborn - and on the whole it is wonderful. Don't think I'm in a position to offer any valid pointers as the difference between a 7 year old welcoming a newborn and a 10 year old taking one on is quite significant, although I would say that children are amazing in the way that they relate to and appreciate babies which is quite different from the way that us grown ups interact with them. I think you just have to sit back and watch the chemistry unfold ... and more importantly, enjoy the process. Undoubtedly one of the best things for you as a mother is that you can totally indulge the newborn when the older ones are at school and count your blessings that you are not having to contend with immature toddler jealousy and being mired in the messy and unpredictable world of a two year old while trying to offer some semblace of a routine to a newborn. That in itself is a luxury!! Don't discount also the nursing and soothing abilities of older children on babies. Don't forget that they are much closer in age to babies than us grown ups and have a few "parenting" tricks up their sleeves of their own!

Sorry if this is TMI but count yourself lucky that you are in this situation! It's just great! x

Mhamai Thu 20-Mar-08 20:59:30

I have a fifteen year gap. My dd was 15 when I had ds. She is now 22 and he is 7. Tbh I don't think it effects the dc as much as us. It was a shock to be pregnant after such a long time but soon after ds came home it was like he was always here.

Don't be mistaken into thinking though that sibling rivalry does not exist when there is such a big gap. I can understand my ds 7 driving big sis mad but trust me, she's more than capable of winding him up too!

On the whole they are nuts about each other. She thinks he's very entertaining and he worships the ground she walks on. It's fun, it's different. Congrats. smile

Mhamai Thu 20-Mar-08 21:01:55

I should have said 22 almost! She will be 22 in June. Loosing your grey matter is just one of the benefits of big gaps! [wink

PABLOP Thu 20-Mar-08 21:08:59

Lol at sibling rivalry Mhamai. I was playing with ds and telling him that I'll take him to Disneyland when he gets bigger!
20 year old dd said you never took me to Disneyland hmm

PABLOP Thu 20-Mar-08 21:11:06

EEC I bet your dcs are over the moon and will be a great help.

Lovely post mutha2beagin. smile

Jennylee Thu 20-Mar-08 21:23:02

My ds will be 9 and a half when the new baby comes, am a bit worried myself as he has been an only child for so long.

Mhamai Thu 20-Mar-08 21:51:02

Tell me about it PABLOP, though she doesen't say it to me so much as to him. Sometimes she's more mammyish to him than I am and I tell her 15 years of rearing her chilled me out sufficiently to be more laid back with him. grin

EEC Sat 22-Mar-08 08:44:08

The DC's felt baby kicking this week, and have seen my stomach move, which they are very excited about!

DS is also doing all about reproduction at the moment at school, so he has some very interesting questions to ask at the moment!?

OP’s posts: |
PABLOP Sat 22-Mar-08 12:02:27

See, its lovely they can join in and understand such a special time in all your lives.

lucyellensmum Sat 22-Mar-08 12:46:37

i have a 15 year gap and i have to say, rebellious teen with the world on her shoulders and a baby - not a great mix for us at least. Big jealousy issues PabLop, luckily we did take DD1 to disneyland paris so if and when we take DD i can say, ah but i did, but that is exactly the sort of comment i would get from DD1 which is a shame. She clearly loves her sister but that special bond isn't there.

Sorry that this isnt a positive post. I do think that the age of mine was the most important, hormones kicked in etc. OP i am sure your children will really enjoy it, especially DD, it will be like a real live dolly and she wont even have to feel too old to play with him/her - congratulations

LuXander Sat 22-Mar-08 12:47:48

10 year age gap between ds and dd. He is amazing with her, absolutely adores her and she saves all her biggest smiles and cutest giggles for him grin

fizzbuzz Sat 22-Mar-08 12:51:48

We have dc and dsc of 22, 18, 14 and dd 20 mo. They all adore her, and so far in her little life she has learnt that all she has to do is whimper and some adoring male rushes in to console her hmm, not sure what this is going to cause in the future though!

My only problem is bullying my ds 14 off his crappy xbox live and into revision for his SATS, dd takes up a lot of time and he exploits this!

fizzbuzz Sat 22-Mar-08 12:51:50

We have dc and dsc of 22, 18, 14 and dd 20 mo. They all adore her, and so far in her little life she has learnt that all she has to do is whimper and some adoring male rushes in to console her hmm, not sure what this is going to cause in the future though!

My only problem is bullying my ds 14 off his crappy xbox live and into revision for his SATS, dd takes up a lot of time and he exploits this!

EEC Sat 22-Mar-08 14:13:24

I'm pretty sure they will mostly like having the LO around, but am mostly worried, I think, about having less time to help with homework, play games etc with older two.

DS is Dyslexic and I spend quite a lot of time helping him at the moment. He's very easily distracted aswell.

OP’s posts: |
heronsfly Sat 22-Mar-08 14:46:51

Like fizzbuzz my dcs were 18,17,15 and 13 whhen our suprise baby arrived she was,and still is the apple of there eyes but she has got tendancies to being a spoilt little madam even though dc6 followed her a year later.

RGPargy Sat 22-Mar-08 14:54:17

Congratulations!

My DS (17, 18 in July) absolutely adores his DD, who is almost four MONTHS old. It works very well and your DCs will love your new arrival!!

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