BROOKING NO ARGUMENT for pain-free sneeze births and an abundance of empty birthing pools - pt 12!

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

I think this is the first time I've ever started a brooking thread!

[scarletfingernail]

well done on the new thread Fluff, love the new title.

[musicalmrs]

Well if it goes down Fluff, we'll know who to blame .

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

I'm going to do a wee AIBU for you because I just can't decide if I am or not.

I said months ago that I don't particularly want house guests during Aug and definitely not in Sep (am due 6th Oct) as I anticipate being large, uncomfortable, meltdown-prone and struggling to sleep (with my hips, as it turns out, though I didn't know this at the time) and think I will need space to be a mess, rather than trying to be hostess.

Dh's retired Dad lives across the country and has been trying to come and stay for a long weekend since May; first date (June) got cancelled because he trapped a nerve in his leg and he didn't want to drive, and the next date (at the end of July) was cancelled as it clashes with an extended family BBQ or something along that vein that he wants to go to. DH is a nurse and only gets one weekend off a month, and at this point in time we don't yet know when the next weekend will be.

AIBU to say that if he can't come by, say, the end of August, he'll have to wait til after the baby's here?

Dh offered to go and see him instead but I'm terrified I'll go into labour and he'll be a 3 hour drive away so that's completely out. I've just got hormone-fuelled visions of me going in to labour while he's here it would, after all, be sod's law and then coming home and having to get to grips with bfeeding with an audience, and trying and calm a screaming baby in the wee hours while he snores in the spare room, etc etc etc... and tbqh I'd be gutted to have to share out first few days as a family selfish, I know, but it would be nice if it were just us

AIBU to say no having him to stay in September, and just leave it til after the baby's here (probably Nov, realistically) if DH can't get a weekend off in August?? Am I being a selfish moo?

[whimsicalname]

Hello everyone. Blimey, what a busy few days I've had: family outing to Legoland on Thurs, oldest boys school trip on Fri, day out to the Forest of Dean as middle son wanted to go to a particular country pub to have game pie on his birthday (Saturday). Funny little thing. Leaving party yesterday. The house looks ransacked and I'm exhausted, but we've had a lovely time.

We're not actually moving until the end of the month, but it was the only time we could book the venue we wanted, and venue was more important than date!

Some of my mummy friends made me an amazing bag, hand made from real Harris Tweed, and then they coordinated about 10 people to make knitted / crocheted flowers to sew on. We've had a tradition of people moving away, and have always made them blankets by contributing a square or two each, but only one of them knew I was pg, so I got a bag instead. I love it! (and they can make me a blanket for Christmas now!). There's a pic on my FB page.

tock wrt potty training - lordy, what a nightmare. I've always put them straight into pants then taken them to the potty every 10 min (or so it seems) until they get the hang of it. Waiting until at least 2.5 helps I think, and you just have to be hard faced about it. Yuck. What else? stickers maybe? worked for one of mine. Different things work for different children - obviously! Also, they don't all 'get it' in the same way, so for example, one of mine was v slow to train during the day, but then was dry at night almost immediately. The other got it during the day really quickly, but then took another 2 years to be dry at night. I have this pleasure to look forward to with number three. Just hang out in wipe clean places! We spent a lot of time in the kitchen, in the park and at manky playgroups in horrible church halls. Good luck! Broadly I would say I've eliminated most of it from my brain, and also, generally speaking people eventually do become potty / toilet trained, and therefore your child will to, whichever approach you take. But wipe clean surfaces until then.

Right that's enough from me, off to get on with the jobs.

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

Wow, repeating myself or what? That's how much I've been overthinking it....... :o

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

xpost!
I saw the photo whims, I didn't realise it'd been made by your friends! It's lovely! How did they react when you spilled the Big News?

[whimsicalname]

ah, xpost with you fluff. How about making a provisional date, but with rules, such as you won't cook, they'll go out and leave you in peace for a bit and if you're too uncomfy, you can postpone up to the last minute? I had rotten spd with my last pregnancy, to the extent that I couldn't walk to nursery and back, and could only carry two pints of milk back from the shop (literally only at the end of the road). But it was nice if people came to visit, and we had a few house guests right up to my due date as I couldn't go and see anyone.

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

he's really lovely btw, I don't object to having him there specifically - we've discreetly organised things barred this way for friends too :o

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

Yeah atm (27 weeks) I can walk fine, but not carry anything really, like you say. It's the lack of sleep that's crippling me really!! It would have to be provisional, definitely...

Either way, he'll be coming for a weekend when we have NCT class on the friday night (they start 16th Aug) so DH will miss it - I'm a bit miffed about that, considering with his shifts he'll only be able to make half of them as it is, but do realise seeing his Dad's more important than a nappy-how to :o

[scarletfingernail]

Fluff I'd probably stretch the invitation out to the weekend of 15/16th Sept. If he couldn't make it before then I would get DH to arrange it with him after the baby's arrival. How many hours in the car is ot for him to travel? Does it have to be a long weekend? Could it not just be one night?

In AIBU style, I would say it is a bit unreasonable to say he can't visit you and that your DH can't visit him either. Sorry! But I do completely get your reasoning and I would also be worried about labour. Chances of anything happening before 37 weeks are unlikely though. I think you should agree to one night, you don't cook and you go and rest in bed if you feel fed up. If you don't fancy that then I think it's only fair you agree to DH visiting him for one night.

Re the NCT, arrange the FIL visit for Sat- Sun so DH still gets to go with you if you really want him there.

Tock we've recently completed potty training. Bribery worked well, but ultimately if your DS isn't ready it will be hard. We abandoned it and started again several times before my DS got it, and in the end it only happened when he got up one day and out of the blue started doing his wees and poos on the potty without me nagging at him. Don't feel pressured into it being done before DC2 arrives. I got really stressed over it when pg for that reason, but then DS's first dry week was when DD was 3 weeks old, which everyone said wouldn't happen because of jealousy, emotions etc. But he's not had an accident since (7 weeks now). My DS is 3.6 BTW so a late one in terms of potty training, but he got there in the end at the same time as I was on the verge of giving up with it and thinking he's be in nappies forever!

[Biscuitsandtea]

Nipping in to mark place

You're all blooming beautifully xx

[scarletfingernail]

Ooops just read that it's a 3 hour drive.

Surely (smallest possibility) if you did have the baby while he was here he would go home before you came home from hospital? Or are you hoping for a home birth? Have a talk with your DH and tell him that you would expect FIL to go home in that circumstance. I bet your DH would think the same anyway wouldn't he? If he hung around then I would say YANBU! But surely most people with common sense would get out of the way at a time like that? 3 hours isn't that far if it's not done that often.

[scarletfingernail]

Hmm, I'm overthinking it now too I LOVE a good AIBU?

[scarletfingernail]

Don't know what that random question mark is there for at the end of my last sentence...

[whimsicalname]

Another thing to consider re potty training, tock, is that it's not uncommon for first children to regress a bit when there's a new baby at home, so even if you do get through potty training, there might be quite a lot more wetting / requests for nappies etc when the new one arrives.

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

:o scarlet I am a AIBU addict (but I only lurk!)

It's a 3 hour drive and he'd want to see DH's sister too, who is another hour further on, so it'd be come on the Friday afternoon when DH finishes work and go back on the Sunday evening I think with a trip to DH's sisters in the middle (which I can easily opt out of). But you're right, I could stipulate that if I go into hospital FIL makes his way home, that would be quite reasonable wouldn't it? the thought of him sitting at home waiting for us to come back makes me cringe with awkwardness Not hoping for a home birth, but I am hoping for a quick in-and-out complication-free hospital birth iyswim

My sister and my mum gave birth to their first prematurely - Dsis at 33 weeks iirc, though can't recall how early mum said she'd given birth. Not sure if that sort of thing runs in the family but it has been playing on my mind that I could pop any time from sort of mid-Aug onwards if that's the case.

[scarletfingernail]

I mostly lurk over there too Fluff the couple of occasions I've got involved I've ended up being really annoyed

I didn't realise there was a history of premature births in the family. I get now why you're worried. But yes, make it clear to your DH you expect FIL to be go as soon as labour starts. I wouldn't want anyone else in the house even in early labour.

[Stacks]

Afternoon all. Just a quick message to mark my place really, no news from me. I've got an awful back ache, which the MW made me worry might be related to a UTI. I don't think it is muscular though and aggravated by tidying and mopping the floors yesterday. I'll make an appointment for the doctor tomorrow anyway I think.

Fluff I'm not really sure, I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable, but I would let him come stay if it was me. You've told him when you're happy for visitors, and when you're not, and he's cancelled the past arranged dates, not you.

whim such a busy weekend! Sounds like it's been fun one though?

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

Oh no stacks did the MW not test your wee? Soak in a hot bath might help if it is muscular?

Gawd I'd not even thought about early labour that might scare him off if nothing else :o

[GenericDietCola]

Thanks for the new thread Fluff! Having seen now that you are worried about going into labour on the early side, I will say YANBU. I would suggest having a cut off date that you are comfortable with, or do as you said and send him home if labour starts!

Tock we have recently got DD trained. She was 2yr 8mo when we did it and lots of people said 'oh it's easier when they're older' - implying she was older! I know of many, many children who were a good way over 3, so I think 2.something is pretty good going for potty training, not that it's a competition of course, but just getting them to remember to ask to go to the loo when they need to go etc gets easier as they get older. Anyway, we did what I think you are doing and she went au naturale for the first few days with the potty downstairs, then we just put her in normal clothes and knickers, then took her upstairs to the loo every time she said she needed to go. She hasn't had any accidents, but sometimes leaves it really late before telling us she needs to go and does a little dribble in her pants. When we're out and about I just ask her regularly if she needs the loo and to her credit she hasn't had an accident, although I am quite paranoid about it. Good luck!

Stacks that sounds painful. Good idea to go to the doctor. I pulled my back yesterday too - cleaning the floor in the kitchen. I had to stay bent over for a bit, moaning to DH about it, but eventually I found I could stand up! I think joints are looser in pregnancy and easier to strain.

Not much news from me really. We have told immediate family who all seemed quite pleased. My mum has been a bit negative, mentioning my mcs at a time when I don't really want to dwell on that, but she is generally a very negative person. Lovely all the same though. I will tell my boss this week, then we will be able to tell friends and other family. Feels weird to be nearly out!

[Imps7]

Just nipping in to put my beach towel over a vacant space and give my sparkly vom bucket it's customary new thread polish.

You all look ravishing btw.

[Stacks]

The MW did take and dip my wee, as well as sending it off. There were leucocytes (sp?) in it, which could mean UTI. It's because I mentioned I get a tummy ache when I need a wee, rather than a feeling I need to go. I just worried myself with Dr Google, who said UTIs can spread to the kidneys causing back pain and happens to be the leading cause of pre-term labour! :(

I'll phone to get the results from the actual urine test today, which should tell me if it's a UTI, if it's not, then I may not bother going to the doctor.. they can't do much for general back pain can they? I've had it for a week or so, but it's much, much worse today. It's the right side of my back only, and I'm wondering if it's related to me having no stomach muscles on the right side - so maybe the back muscles are weaker or something? I've booked into a pregnancy physio class for 19th July, and will try and chat to the physio after the session to get an opinion or appointment with them.

Generic mums can be funny. Mine was certain I'd get pregnant immediately if I got drunk, and now is certain nothing can go wrong with pregnancies ever, and I'm silly to even think about worrying.

Oh, I thought I felt the bump move over the weekend. Still not entirely sure. Happened Sat and Sun night, at about the same time (while sitting on the sofa knitting and watching TV), feeling a bit like being flicked from the inside. I'm not going to call them 'real' until I'm actually sure though. I'm 17+5 today.

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

I hope it clears up soon stacks - try not to worry about the kidney thing, I think it's when it goes unmedicated (i.e. it's missed by GPs) and it gets very severe that it ends badly for the main part - if it's definitely a UTI and you get some antibiotics I'm sure it'll all be fine. Fwiw, DH was of the opinion that nothing will go wrong ever and I shouldn't worry about it, and it drove me bonkers too :o

Apparently premature births are hereditary so I'm not entirely neurotic :o I will compromise with the agreement FIL hot foots it home if labour starts :)

[JenFraggle]

Stacks my first movements felt like I had a twitch inside. I described it as blipping :)

[whimsicalname]

stacks did no one tell you that house work (especially heavy duty mopping) is not allowed in pregnancy. It's the plus side of having to give up booze.

Obviously a little light handicraft is acceptable. It also means you are still productive and not a complete slattern, even if the house is starting to look like an exhibit from one of those time lapse decay programmes around you. (or is that just me?)