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Boyfriends family didn’t say a word to me about my pregnancy or congratulations or how are you doing

(3 Posts)
Idontknow777 Mon 26-Nov-18 01:38:45

Sorry if this is wrong place to post by I have some problems ..

I I haven’t seen my boyfriends family since him telling him like a month ago after we moved in together.

I saw his mom and sister today as they arranged to meet for a movie. When I saw them, they didn’t ask how I was doing, how’s baby, how I’m making out, or even say congratulations to me. I’m 5 months and a week pregnant, due date April 7. Thy said or asked nothing about pregnancy, his mom avoided eye contact with me etc.

It was really weird, uncomfortable, and put me in a bad mood.

My bf and I are 26, just
Moved in together, and I wasn’t planned but we got it together and are financially secure, we also have been together almost 4 years now. So we’re doing nothing wrong within us.

I guess part of it could be that my bf has never moved out of his moms (either has his sister and she’s 28 or 29 she’s also never had a bf even). My bf has lent them money, paid his moms rent when she wasn’t working, and one of them has stolen money from his room before. He gave his sister his old car for free (she otherwisenwiod never have one.. she works part time from job to job her whole life), he gave her $500 a couple months go to fix the car he gave her for free and blah blah blah. His mom has a brand new car and I never asked but I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought her it.

So he basically acts like he’s both of their dads. It’s reallfgross and weird to me, especially since my mom was a single mom too but she always been the one helping me and would never take any money from me so it’s kinda messed up. He’s not like rich at all. We live rally really frugally (we keep our house temp at legit 62 to save money, sine I quit my job since we moved and I’m pregnant I’ve had to give up many many things I really enjoy (like nice shampo, shopping, expensive makeup, things that I like that cost money.) he doesn’t have money to give them when we live like this and don’t own a house and have tons of baby expenses. Al I can think is that his mom is mad/jealous that he is like with me now and gonna be taking care of me and our baby instead of his mother. She’s 56 and can take care of herself... I think it’s wrong she took money from her son when he never moved out (bc he didn’t have money to) and was in his mid 20s.

It just was uncomfortable and I didn’t tell my bf like why didn’t they even ask how I’m doing bc I don’t wanna fight and it’s not his fault.. but I don’t like being around them. It’s really weird they didn’t even aSk “how have you been doing” or say congrats. They haven’t told my bf they would purchase anything we would need for baby.. I’m obviously getting closer to due date and stuff.

I’m not sure how to handle this, it also upsets me since this will be part of my daughters family now and they will probably never offer to help out (maybe to babysit and like do the fun stuff. I’m actually worried they will be possessive and critical of me, and act like I’m not my Babies mother once she is here, even tho they act like I don’t exist now & they don’t care about the pregnanxy). Which bugs me when thy haven’t even said congrats or anything it’s just like really wrong and makes me never wanna see them

Help please ; idk what to do, I never wanna see them again and his dad is staying with us in a couple days bc he’s coming where we live and needs a plac to stay and now I’m scared he’s going to act same way.. it will be worse bc he will be in our house for like three or four nights

CurlyTwirlyTwos Wed 28-Nov-18 18:35:35

This can go 2 ways:

Once the baby is born, they will love her and want to get involved!

Or

They continue acting the same.

I can only give you my own experience, my bf family (he’s now my husband) were NOT happy I was pregnant. They never said this, only ignored it until I was 37/38 weeks gone!

Similar to you, my bf ALWAYS helped out his (adult) siblings with money/rent/tech. I genuinely think they were scared of change to the family dynamic.

Since my child was born, they absolutely adore her. I don’t think they could see it happening. His brother however is still a bit indifferent, and ignores her but his sisters and his parents are great too. The baby wasn’t ‘real’ until the baby arrived.

I forgave them and moved on, after all it they are family now!

However, if they are stealing and behaving very badly - please put your foot down. Your daughter and safety must ALWAYS come first ahead of EVERYTHING!

NoTeaNoShadeNoPinkLemonade Wed 28-Nov-18 18:44:34

UughbI has this when I had my first child...DP's Mother and sibling acted as if i had stolen him from them, when in fact I encouraged him to visit and help out etc
When our second DC was on the way things were a bit tense and we would argue quite a bit. MIL could hardly contain her excitement when asking me if it meant he was coming home No concern for me being pregnant and dealing with a toddler!
Like WTF?!!
Some people are just a bit messed up.
For what its worth we have a decent rekationship and they both adore the kids. But their are a lot of veiled hints to me about their financial issues, and straight up demands to DP about what he should be doing/contributing for them

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